Marine in Equestria
by jak3combat
Summary: It was supposed to be a normal, routine mission for me. Get in, defuse or blow up the IED, and get out without dying. Funny thing, I did the opposite, and now some mysterious entity is sending me somewhere else because I died.. Rated M for death, swearing, violence, and vague sexual references.
1. Have to die to live

**Author's Note: The character in this story is not me. 'Tis my brother, and he actually works as an EoD personnel in Afghanistan, with these two people. He normally prefers defusing to blowing up, but he did blow up my Xbox when it red ringed on him. I am also in for a punch to the throat when he gets back, because I put him into this story.**

_**[Corporal Mark Durnkinscoff, Marine EoD, Afghanistan, 2012]**_

"Alright guys, you know the drill. We have two choices for IEDs, defuse or derstroy. Which one do we use this time?" I asked, sliding out of the squad's Humvee.

"Let's blow the bastard up. Haven't seen an exposion for a while, now." PFC David said, cocking his M4 while getting out.

"Alright. I feel exceptionally risky today, so suit me up." I said, opening the trunk and started to pull out parts of my bomb suit. David and 'Sparky' helped me get suited up, while I kept glancing around the deserted street for any hostiles, or locals for that matter.

"Alright, you ready?" Sparky asked, slapping my visor down once I put the helmet on. I nodded, slinging a string of C-4 blocks across my shoulder.

"Yea. Don't like it, because it's way too bloody quiet out here. Keep the assholes off of me until I get out of the killzone of the C-4 and IED mixture." I said, cracking my neck and started to lumber down the dusty road, towards a trash pile.

"70 yards from target. We're out of your killzone now, Mark." David said into his radio, getting a finger from me as a reply.

"Bugger off and come with me, if you're feeling cocky." I grunted, not breaking my stride.

"No need for the asshole act, dude. Just bein' friendly, is all." He said, causing me to roll my eyes.

"I see something, get a scope out at my 1 o'clock." I called out, seeing a slight glint coming from a window above me.

"Shit! Drop the C-4 and get your ass moving! Sniper!" Sparky suddenly shouted, startling me. I quickly dropped it, turned around, and started running when the C-4 exploded, almost completely vaporizing me.

_**[Void, Afterlife, Judgment, etc.]**_

"Yea, that figures. Always figured I'd die by an exposion..." I grumbled, trying to get a look around. The area was completely dark, save for what was immediately around my body. Looking down, I discover I was still wearing my suit, even if it was a little burned from the exposion. I also still had my M1911, passed down from my grandaddy when he was in WWII, over in the Pacific. My helmet was still in one peice, not cracked, and had the visor down. Seeing nothing better to do, I started forward, holding out my hands to see if I was in a tunnel or something.

"It is not your time to die, yet."

A deep, masculine voice boomed out.

"Wait, what? Is this God?" I asked, stopping.

"I am not this 'God'. My name is Timeithian. Your time to die has not come yet. Although your body has been destroyed on Earth, you can still start from the point of death in a different place."

It chuckled.

"Where would this place be?" I asked.

"That is for you to find out. I bid you good luck, Mark."

He said, before what seemed like a trap door opened up under me, sending me falling through some clouds.

_**[Over Sweet Apple Acres, Equestria]**_

"FFFFFUUUUUU!" I yelled, feebly trying to fly without the use of wings or a plane. Needless to say, it didn't work. What I saw when I slammed through yet another cloud confused me a little. There was a forest, what looked like a farm, and a town within a few miles of each other. I was heading directly towards the middle of what seemed like an orchard, and not slowing down.

"Bloody forgot! Don't worry, the impact won't kill you, even though you will create a rather decent sized crater for your weight."

The voice said, calming me down a little, right before I slammed into the ground. As he said, I created a good sized crater, and I was extremely dazed, stumbling out and onto the ground almost instantly, grass and dirt filling up my visor.

"Shit..." I groaned, not wanting to move. Although I didn't feel pain, I did feel really tired, making it an effort to roll onto my padded back, facing the almost cloudless blue sky above.

"Hello?" A small, girl voice from what I could tell suddenly pipped up.

"Yes?" I asked, not bothering to look at the owner of the voice.

"Who're you?" She asked, the voice louder as I heard grass slowly crunch under her.

"Name's Mark. You?" I replied, groaning a little.

"Ah'm Applebloom!" She said, as I felt a weight on my stomach.

'The fuck is a name like Applebloom? Maaaaannn I'm probably on a different world or something...'

I thought to myself, ignoring the weight.

"What're ya'll?" Applebloom asked, shocking me by being so close to me.

"Yup. Different world. Might as well go with it..."

I thought, before sighing.

"I'm a species known as a Human," I replied. "Now, could you please tell me what you are?" I asked.

"Ah'm a pony!" She half shouted, the weight on my chest shifting. This startled me enough to where I was able to sit up, although I did catch what ever was on my chest at the time, before looking down.

'Oh bugger..'

I thought as I stared at the small...filly, I think. Her coat was a creamish color, with a red mane and tail combo. Her mane had a reddish pink bow in it, and her impossibly large eyes were a mixture of yellow, orange, and red.

"What?" She asked, startling me even more, making me drop her as gently as I could before bolting up and backing into the crater I created.

"Ponies can't talk!" I shouted, pointing a finger at her. She looked confused, and tilted her head to the side.

"What do ya'll mean?" She asked, her voice trembling a little.

"Well... Where I come from, Ponies and other animals aren't able to talk at all. Only us humans." I explained slowly.

"Well. Ah've been able ta talk since ah was three months old!" She exclaimed, hopping up and down. I sighed and pulled my visor up, rubbing my head with a gloved hand.

"Well... Do you live nearby? I'm really, _really_ lost and I could use a good shower, seeing as this suit isn't exactly comfortable to wear for a long time." I asked, starting to sweat heavily.

"Um, ah live nearby. Are ya able to behave yerself?" She asked, suprise showing on her face and in her voice once she saw my actual face.

"Very well. I behave better than most of my friends, anyway." I said, slowly getting back out of the crater. On a whim, I gently picked up Applebloom after looking around. "Lead the way." I said, before walking in the direction of where one of her forehooves pointed.

[Five minutes later]

Finally getting out of the orchard, I walked up to a farmhouse rather slowly, wondering how the occupants will react once they've seen me.

"Applebloom, could you go inside first and tell your family about me? I don't want to end up in a fight or something." I requested, gently placing her on the porch.

"Alright. Ah'll be right back!" She said, going inside quickly. I nodded to myself, sighed, and checked for my equipment and see what I still had.

"Ok...Got my 1911, three water bottles, an MRE, three magazines for 1911, gum, always shiny combat knife, solar charged iPod with crapload of music, and my wallet." I muttered, pulling out a bottle of water and taking a long drink of it, rehydrating myself a little. As I placed the bottle back in the pocket I drew it from, I felt something slam into my back, sending me into a pole face first.

"Got'cha!" A voice said, right as I smashed into the wooden pole, craking it and getting blood all over the white paint. I groaned, and thought I saw a flutter of cyan wings as I lost conciousness.

**Author's Note: Sorry if I got Apple Bloom's accent wrong, but I did my best. This will be yet another military personnel in Equestria fanfic, except for who he ends up falling for.**


	2. Damn Pegasi

**Reviews:**

**iTealblast: Here ya go!**

**"Good job, Mark. Not even an hour here and you've already been knocked out."**

Timeithian rumbled out at me as I stood in the void again. I opened my mouth, only to realize that I couldn't talk. **_"Use your mind; you can't really speak when you're not dead."_** He offered, making me roll my eyes.

_'Yea, well I don't even know where the hell I am!' _I countered, folding my arms.

**"You're on my home world, in the land of Equestria. I was going to make you find out without my help, but I've decided that you've been hurt enough." **He answered, and I could bloody tell the bastard was grinning.

_'Bloody hell... Explains the talking filly, then...' _I grumbled.

**"Ah, you've already met Applebloom, correct? She's very sweet, and doesn't judge anypony by what they look like." **Timeithian rumbled, chuckling.

_'anyPONY?!'_

**"Yes, anyone, someone, everyone, and nobody in your language are anypony, somepony, everypony, and nopony in ours. If you want to get accepted faster, you better start switching your words to fit ours. And don't go 'Grammar Nazi' on me."**

_'I'll go insane...'_

I groaned.

**"Well, 'twas fun talking to you, but you're waking up now. Try and don't fuck up the ponies that're around you at this second." **Timeithian rumbled, and the black turned to static, before my eyes started slowly forcing themselves open. The first thing I saw was Applebloom, who was glaring at what looked like a cyan Pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail.

_'If I was on Earth, that Pegasus would automatically be pegged as gay.'_

I thought, before groaning a little.

"What the hay, Rainbow Dash?!" She yelled, before turning to me, eyes watery.

"I'm... Not dead, at least..." I groaned, feeling liquid trickle down my forehead and onto the back of my helmet. The Pegasus chuckled hesitantly, rubbing the back of her, I think, head with a fore hoof, looking down at the ground and away from us.

"Heh... Sorry about that..." She muttered, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"It's fine... At least you didn't split open my head..." I groaned, gently getting Applebloom off of me before sitting up. The liquid that was pooling in my helmet ran down my neck and instantly started soaking my shirt, as the trickle ran down my face slowly.

"Oh, Ah think ya should get that checked out..." Applebloom said, looking up at my face.

"Let me get my helmet off, first..." I groaned, twisting it back and forth. A gasp from above made me figure that this Rainbow Dash thought my helmet was attached to my body. As I took my helmet off, I slowly cracked my neck and took out my knife, getting a low growl from Rainbow Dash and a slight whimper from Applebloom.

"You got five seconds to put the knife down!" Dash shouted, tensing up.

"Relax... Just seeing my face with it..." I muttered, tilting the knife to where I could see my reflection in the dying light. I winced at what I saw.

'Damn dude, you were lucky you didn't hit the bloody pole with your neck.'

I thought to myself, as I saw that my forehead was effectively split open, leaking blood as I watched.

"I'll be fine, I just need this wrapped up." I said to them, putting up my knife and pulling out the water from earlier, before tilting my head back and pouring the contents over my face. It stung like hell, but I only winced and cleaned it out as best as I could.

"What're ya'll doing?" Applebloom asked, confused.

"Cleaning the gash out, so I can see how bad the gash really is." I replied, wiping my head off with a gloved hand, not really paying attention to the blood on it.

"Oh man..." I heard Rainbow Dash mutter, while Applebloom looked concerned.

"Would ya'll be mad if ah'd get ma sister?" She asked, looking up at me.

"Go ahead, I'm not complaining." I replied. Applebloom nodded and half ran inside, leaving me alone with the fruity looking Pegasus.

"Um... Like I said before... I'm sorry..." She said again, landing near me and rubbing her head with a fore hoof some more.

"It's fine. And I have a question, to clear my mind of this; are you a lesbian?" I asked, leaning back.

"Heh. Not like I get that almost every day... No, I'm not a lesbian, just grew up with these colors." She scowled.

"Well you're lucky I'm not like other humans; they'd peg you for being one automatically and treat you like one, not caring about your feelings." I explained, looking around my person for something to entertain myself while I waited. I remembered my iPod, and grinned as I took it out, stuck an ear bud into my ear, and started playing _Hollywood Undead: Another Way Out_.

"What're you doing?" She asked, but stopped as I unplugged the ear buds from the iPod and put them away, turning the volume all the way up.

_"I wish there was another way out!"_

_"Voices won't go away, they stay for days and days. They say some awful things, ways to make you fade away. I don't think no one's home, and we're just here alone. I better find you first, before you find the phone."_

_"Better run, better run, better run yea I'm coming after you when you're sleeping at night there's nothing you can do. There's no place you can hide 'cause I'm coming after yoooouuuu."_

_"I wish there was another way oooooooouuut for you. Wish there was another way ooooooooouuut for you. I wish there was another way out!"_

I would have kept listening to it, but I turned it off when I heard the front door start to open.

"Let you listen to the rest later, if you want." I whispered, pocketing the music player. Just got a small salute, causing me to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Another Southern voice asked, a little older than Applebloom's, yet still feminine.

"Well..." I started, but I trailed off when I saw who asked. "Um..." I mumbled, not able to form any actual words, other than stare at the fact that a goddess, who looked like a pony, had come out of the house.

"What?" She asked, causing me to blush.

"Nothing... Gorgeous..." I muttered, rubbing the back of my head. Apparently she heard me, as she backed up a little and blushed hard too.

**Author's Note: I detected the amount of Applejack loving in this site, and am disappointed for the lack of said loving.**


	3. To shower or not to shower?

**Author's Note: Surprised that this story has a few reviews already! And I know that I'm shoddy with this kind of fanfic, so please bear with my work. And due to being able to finally work on other stories, this and the others will only be updated once every two weeks at the latest. Sorry about that. And also; sorry for the crappy accents that I've given Applebloom and Applejack, but I'm not perfect. Sad part is, I have said accent too (half of the reason I've done this paring).**

**Reviews:**

**iTealblast: Thanks!**

**Darkria Defender: Yes. Fuck the logic!**

**TheEvilEye: Thanks! And Rainbow Dash can be really forceful when it comes to friends and strange creatures.**

As the orange mare and I blushed and looked away from each other, Applebloom looked at us, confused while Rainbow Dash, remembering that Applebloom called her this, tried hard to not just burst out laughing like an idiot. I glared at Dash before sitting up with a groan, causing the mare with a cowboy hat to look instantly worried.

"Are ya'll okay?" She asked, forgetting the embarrassing comment I just muttered and looked up at my head, frowning.

"I'll be fine after a while, I just need to wrap it up and get some rest for a few days." I coughed, hoping that Dash didn't rupture a lung or something after knocking me out. After several seconds, I felt good enough to get up, and I did, shakily standing up, using a post to help steady myself. The orange mare just looked up at me in awe, probably because I was a good three and a half feet taller than her.

"Well…I guess you're fine…. So I'll be on my way now…" Rainbow Dash said, living up to her name as she left a rainbow streak while flying away quickly.

"Er, mah name's Applejack, pleasure to make ya's acquaintance." She finally said, making me look down at her. In response, I held out a hand, which she shook firmly and kinda quickly.

"Pleasure to meet you Applejack. My name's Mark. If you would be so kind to get me a strip of cloth so I could wrap my wound up?" I asked, getting her to nod.

"Alright. Ah'll be out in a jiffy." She said, before bolting inside, while I swore I saw a dust cloud that looked almost like she did for a moment.

"Hey Applebloom, what's with the tattoo thing on your sister's flank?" I suddenly asked, picking up my helmet after a moment, looking inside it for blood stains.

"Ya'll never heard of a Cutie Mark?" Applebloom asked, probably shocked.

"Nope. Humans don't get them." I replied. "What do they do?"

"They define who a pony is! Ah'm aiming to find out what mine'll be!" She said loudly, hopping up and down.

_'Pretty much stating that this Cutie Mark thing forces these ponies to work with what the image is. I take it Applejack works around apples, and Rainbow Dash works with clouds or lightning.' _I thought to myself. _'….I need to get out of this damn suit soon, or I'll end up with heat stroke.' _I then thought, frowning.

"Sounds interesting. Do you know where I'd be able to stay the night?" I asked.

"Ya'll can stay here!" Applejack suddenly said, startling me. I nodded in gratitude and wrapped the cloth strip she was holding out to me around my head.

"Thank you kindly. I really need a shower, though. And a place to put this suit." I smiled.

"That's a suit? Ain't like a suit Ah've ever seen before." Applejack stated. "But come on in, we've got just what ya'll looking for." I gently picked Applebloom up, getting a giggle from her as I followed Applejack in, ducking a little to avoid bashing my injured skull anymore. The inside looked like a typical farmhouse, if it wasn't for the lime green, ancient pony sleeping in an equally lime green chair.

"This suit's supposed to protect me from explosions." I replied, watching with one eye as Applebloom sat in the helmet.

_'And it did a _**good **_job, too.' _I thought sarcastically.

"What're ya'll doing with explosives, anyhow?" Applebloom asked, looking up at me as Applejack led me upstairs.

"My job required me to make them harmless, or to make them explode harmlessly." I replied, telling half the truth.

"So, here's the bathroom, and the shower's inside. Ah'll leave ya'll to yallself, come on, Applebloom!" Applejack said, stopping. I set down said filly and stepped inside, shutting the door and looking around the tiny, my body's definition anyway, bathroom.

"Alright, time to get this bastard off…" I muttered, and underwent the stripping of my suit, then my fatigues. I then stepped into the shower, purely naked, and turned the water on, recoiling slightly due to it being borderline freezing.

_'SHIT! That's fucking cold! …Ah, what the hell am I complaining about? I'm covered in my blood as it is…' _I thought, before instantly putting my back to the water raining down upon me, having to crouch slightly to get under it. I sighed in relief as my internal heat that was alarmingly warm slowly cooled off, getting closer to a normal temperature.

"Just in time… 'Bout to overheat, and THAT wouldn't be good…" I muttered, before jumping a little at the pair of voices outside the door.

"Fer the last time Twilight, NO! He's takin' a shower right now, an' Ah'm sure he'd like to keep some privacy!" Applejack's voice suddenly half yelled, and I could sense the mild frustration at this 'Twilight'.

"It's alright, Applejack, I've been in worse situations!" I called out, getting a groan of annoyance from her.

"Fine… Ya'll can go in, Twilight." She said.

"It seems to make you annoyed, would you care to join her?" I called out teasingly, smirking.

"W-Well… Ah've… Got somethin' to do…" She stuttered, and I could instantly tell that she was lying, and this Twilight stated my thinking, causing Applejack to just bolt off, by what I heard on the staircase.

"Hm. Well, come on in Twilight. The door's open." I said, sitting down in the bath tub. She hesitantly did, and I could detect a blush on her…cheeks.

_'Freakin ponies have very human faces, except for the bloody obvious…' _I thought, before shifting to get myself more comfortable.

"So… First off; what are you?" She asked after several seconds, levitating a quill and scroll of paper. I guess this is magic or something, but I don't care.

"Human." I replied, getting a scribble of ink on paper as an answer.

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Mark. Mark Durnkinscoff." I replied. More scribbling.

"Alright, you were talking about a suit to Applejack earlier; what's it used for?" She asked, nodding at the heap of green protection on the floor.

"It's called an EOD bomb suit. If someone puts it on, it _should _protect the wearer from most explosives, up to a degree." I replied.

"_Should_? And EOD?" She was confused.

"I'm not here by choice; I died, because I was blown up. And EOD stands for Explosive Ordinance Disposal. I worked with bombs and the like, disarming them to make them harmless, or blowing them up at a distance, to keep them harmless." I explained.

"Alright, that's all of the questions I have right now. I'll be by again later for some more." She said, rolling up the scroll and leaving me to get dressed, which I did. I grunted as I picked up the heavy suit and slowly walked out, barely able to see over the top of the pile in my arms. As I couldn't see where I was going very well, I paused when I heard the front door open.

"OhmyCelestia! Why didn't you tell me there was a new pony here, Applejack?!" A voice shouted before a pony slammed into me, knocking the two of us down onto the floor, suit pieces flying everywhere. I heard a now familiar crack and inwardly rolled my eyes as I slipped back into unconsciousness.

**Author's Note: That, my dear readers, was the crack of a certain Marine's skull opening twice in a day.**


	4. More concussions

**Reviews:**

**iTealblast: !yaY (I like doing this to one word reviews, no offence. I just find it funny. And I have no problems with them.)**

**"….."**

_'I don't want to bloody hear it!'_

**"Twice in a bloody day. What's next, you get incapacitated by a certain wall-eyed mailmare?"**

_'Oh don't you dare go on and bloody predict my incapacitations!' _

**"I do what I want to. I'm the Prince of Death, after all."**

_'Fucking Ponies…. Alright, who the hell knocked me out this time?'_

**"From what I can tell through your memories, a pink party pony named 'Pinkie Pie' did it. She always gives me a bloody headache whenever I'm around her…"**

_'Since when in the fuck did you have a British accent, by the way?'_

**"There's a certain pony around here who pretty much made the accent grow upon me. And I'm not just the Prince of Death in this pane of existence; I'm dubbed 'Death' on your plane, too."**

_'… Bloody inter-dimensional and invincible ponies….'_

**"Pretty much, yea. You do realize that me and the Princesses do have to be reborn every century, though?"**

_'New info!'_

**"Yes, it is quite taxing, although Celestia does look absolutely adorable when she wakes up the first time. Never fails."**

_'So what would happen if you _didn't _rebirth?'_

**"Nothing much, just look old and crappy."**

_'Wait, why in the hell are you telling me this, anyway?'_

**"Eh, I like you, human. Can't say that I like a lot of beings, so that is considered a complement. And when they come to kill you, tell them I brought you into the world."**

_'Fine, I gu- wait, what?!'_

**"This commercial is now over, please enjoy the following bat-shit random stuff until you wake up." **Timeithian stated, before strobe lights danced in front of my face and I was currently inside a ring, wearing a boxing outfit, and facing Chuck Norris.

"….I bloody hate this already." I muttered. Then the scene changed to where I was in _Terminator_ where the giant robot thing was shooting lasers out at the Resistance.

**"Oh, look at that! Pinkie's trying to wake you up. Do you wanna get up now, or later?" **Timeithian asked suddenly, and everything went white.

_'Eh. As long as she doesn't tackle me again.' _I thought, mentally shrugging.

**"Alright, but you'll have a very sore skull for a few hours." **He warned, before everything slowly turned into the image of the farmhouse I was lying in, and a Pink Abomination by the name of Pinkie Pie was yelling at me to wake up, tears in her she saw my eyes squint in pain, she gasped and hugged me, somehow (I blame cartoon physics, even though I know I'm not in a cartoon), and grinned happily.

"Ohmygosh! I'm sooooooo sorry! I thought I killed you!" She cried out, the first half barely understandable due to the speed it was shouted.

"Can't…. Breath!" I gasped out, face turning redder than what my blood could do. Pinkie Pie gasped and let go of me, before bouncing a few feet away. I was confused by the fact that she could bounce, but shrugged it off and sat up, wincing as I felt a warm liquid slowly slide down my back for the second time in under four hours.

"Heh heh, sorry about that…" She muttered, her mane deflating (?).

"It's fine, like I've said earlier to a Rainbow Dash, I've been hurt worse." I replied, and her mane bounced back to full fluff, if that was remotely possible. "So, I take it you're Pinkie Pie?"

"-gasp- How did you know my name?!" She cheerfully asked.

"A being that goes by the name Timeithian said so. Do you happen to know who he is?" I replied, starting to collect my suit again.

"Yep! He's the Prince of Death! All he really does though is make it where it doesn't hurt to die!" She said, bouncing around me.

"Hm. Well, he's the reason as to why I'm here." I replied, before looking around the room. "Could I get another cloth or some bandages?"

"Ah'll go get 'em." Applejack, who I somehow didn't notice, said, walking past me and going up the stairs. While she did this, I subconsciously picked up my M1911 and inspected it for damage, having a rather exceptional Poker Face while doing so.

"What's that?" Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing over to me.

"Do you know what a weapon is?" I asked in return, getting a nod. "Do you know what a bow is?" I asked again.

"Yep!" She replied, bouncing up and down. Applebloom looked interested too, as did Twilight, who I also just noticed.

"Well, it's pretty much a small, metal bow. Instead of arrows, it shoots a bullet. Bullets are pretty much metal shells packed with some gunpowder and have a piece of metal covering it. When the firing pin, which is part of this gun, strikes the back of the shell, the gunpowder ignites, sending the front piece of metal forward." I explained, sliding the magazine out and flicking a bullet out of said magazine to show them. "After firing, it automatically reloads and is able to fire a bullet again. Guns started off big, bulky, and unreliable, almost worthless when aiming at something over a hundred yards away." I kept explaining, sliding the bullet back in and sliding the magazine back into the pistol.

"How many of these 'bullets' fit into that?" Twilight asked, very curious, even if she winced at the description.

"Eight. For this one, anyway. Other guns have more or less able to fit into the magazine." I replied, putting the pistol down and stretching. A nudge from behind got me moving, and I accepted the roll of gauze held out (by mouth) to me from Applejack.

"Here ya'll go." She said, blushing a little when I smiled at her. I then wrapped the long strip of gauze around my head, the blood leaking from my skull turning it red almost immediately.

"Thanks. I really should get some sleep, though. Without being knocked out to get it, either." I said, slowly standing up and collecting my stuff.

"Well… We don't have a spare room for ya'll…" Applejack said, rubbing her head.

"Alright then, I can sleep on the couch." I said, and while she protested, I lied down on said couch, using my vest for a pillow, and quickly fell asleep.

**Author's Note: It's short, I know… Just keeping it where he goes to sleep or gets knocked out once a chapter.**


	5. Y-U-NO ACCEPT HELP!

**Author's Note: There's one word in here that my body protests to every time I attempt it. I'll give you a hint; it starts with an 'e'.**

**Reviews:**

**iTealblast: Never read said stories, but don't worry. Mark'll have something _special _in store for him, in one to three chapters from now! (Celly is gonna act like a bitch, but depends on my mood at the time for how bad, and I don't really know how Luna'll act yet, but both will try and pwn him.)**

**Bloodshot111: You have no idea how much this review made me smile! It's always good for a nonbrony to say something like this, in my humble opinion!**

My first two actual days that I spent awake on Sweet Apple Acres (Applejack proudly told me) were enjoyable. The first one was spent just lazing around, eating the food that Granny Smith brought to me to bring back my strength. And I'm not going to lie, my eyes released liquid pride when I took my first bite of a Sweet Apple Acres apple. The next day, I felt good enough to finally pull my own weight, in the form of helping during what they call 'Applebuck Season'.

"But ya'll don't need to do anything!" Applejack protested, frowning up at me.

"I'm not gonna be a lazy arse during my stay. I'm helping, and that's bloody final." I deadpanned, frowning right back. We had a staring contest for a while, before Applejack finally sighed and nodded in defeat.

"Fine…. Ah guess ya'll can help… Could really use the extra hooves." She muttered.

"Don't have hooves, they're called hands." I replied, before picking up a bushel of apples and walking back to the barn with her. It was heavy, but I didn't bitch and followed her, glad to finally be able to get exercise again. Placing the wooden bucket down, I stretched my back and followed Applejack back to another tree.

"Ya'll want to try?" She asked, looking at me.

"Eh, why not?" I shrugged, before kicking the tree higher than Applejack did, getting about half of the apples down.

"Huh. Ya'll don't have leg muscles like Ah do, do ya?" Applejack asked, looking at me.

"Nope, ponies have a lot of differences when compared to humans. You so more than my world's ponies." I replied, kicking the tree in the same spot again and knocking the rest down. "And I should probably leave the actual bucking to you, it'll take too much time for me to kick the trees too." I added, picking up a bucket. We repeated the process of bucking the apples, storing them, and repeating all day, stopping only for a lunch break at noon. Needless to say, I was bloody tired at the end of it.

"Here's the pay ya'll get for today." Applejack said, shoving a pouch into my hands.

"I can't accept all of this, you're halfway paying me by letting me stay here." I protested, only pocketing half of the 'bits' that she forced upon me. Applejack protested, needless to say. "Honestly, Applejack. It's not like I'm gonna go into town and buy stuff, anyway! For one, the ponies in town might be very afraid of me, and I have all that I need right here at Sweet Apple Acres. Food, shelter, and company." I replied, as Applebloom came up and discreetly took it for me, while I acted like I gave up and pocketed it. Applejack grinned in triumph and trotted off, and when she was out of earshot, I kneeled down and rubbed Applebloom's head.

"Ya'll sure ya don't want the bits?" She asked, looking up at me in confusion.

"Like I told your sister. I don't need a full day's pay because I consider the hospitality you all are giving me more than enough. I'm just taking the money to keep her from tying me up and forcing it upon me." I replied, running my fingers through her mane gently. "Now, go along and put that bag up wherever ya'll keep your money, just watch out for AJ." I added, grinning mischievously.

"Okay!" Applebloom said, sneakily bounding away to go put the money back. I smiled and got up, before smelling myself and recoiling.

_'Note to self; go get a bloody shower before dinner…'_ I thought, frowning. As I went inside, Applejack came back up to me with a confused look.

"Hey, Mark. Ya mind tellin' me what ya'll meant earlier by 'more so than yer world's ponies'?" She asked. I sighed and nodded.

"Over dinner. I would rather have to explain only once than more than once. Alright?" I said.

"Alright. Ah'll hold ya'll to that promise." She replied.

**[Sweet Apple Acres, dinner]**

"So, care to tell us about yer world's ponies?" Applejack suddenly said, Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, and Applebloom looking at me in interest. I dreaded to see their reactions, but I promised and I keep them when I can.

"Alright. You know how you all act, right?" I started, getting nods from all around. "Well, my world doesn't have ponies like you. In fact, the only beings that act like you all is my race. We're the only beings that can fully think for themselves, and that means that the ponies where we come from are wild or domesticated animals. Most of them are just pets." I explained, getting shocked reactions.

"But… How's that possible?! We ponies are really smart!" Applebloom said, frowning.

"Here, yes. Where I'm from, which we humans have called 'Earth', ponies are like cats or something. Some of us may call them stupid, but in my opinion, no animal is stupid, no matter how it behaves." I continued. "Some humans treat animals like shit, but as you can tell, I'm not even close to being one of said humans." Big Macintosh looked like he wanted to tear me a new asshole, so I gulped and continued on. "Most humans treat animals decently, though."

"Well… Ah figure yer alright, Ah guess…" Applejack finally said, causing Big Macintosh to finally stop looking like he wanted to tear me a new one.

"Yea, sometimes I value different species more than other humans." I replied, causing AJ to blush and look away. I smirked and picked up an apple, taking a bite out of it. "Now since we got that out of the way…" I started.

"Let's eat!" Applebloom finished, before chomping down on an apple, grinning as she let out a large burp.

**[later]**

**"Hate to tell you this, but Celestia now knows about you."** TImeithian said, scaring the hell out of me.

_'Now you're in my bloody dreams?!' _I thought, annoyed at him.

**"Nah, you're just unconscious right now. Asked Luna to do it. You owe me something now, since I owe her." **He said.

_'Why the bloody hell do I owe _**you **_something? Shouldn't I owe this Luna?' _I asked.

**"Because Luna won't easily stand up to Celestia. Really, the only chance you have against her is to wait until she has to be reborn, which is in ten days. If she comes to Sweet Apple Acres before then, run. Run, and don't get caught by the Day Guard. You'll be able to recognize them, due to the fact that all of them are white stallions with golden armor. The ones with almost purple armor, grey coats, and can make you shit yourself are the Night Guard, Luna's Royal Guard division. Night Guards are neutral towards you, and will pretend as if they didn't see you. Mine are known as Death Guards, and are actually very nice, even though they're named after my profession. They're red stallions and mares, and wear white armor. If one finds you, I have personally ordered them to keep you hidden as best as possible without actually helping you directly." **He explained.

_'So, in summary; watch out for white stallions with golden armor, don't shit self in front of grey stallions with purple armor, and red ponies with white armor are alright to approach.' _I said, hoping to confirm this.

**"Yes. Although, it would be wise to at least try and keep away from the Night Guard, Celestia will more than likely make Luna tell them to hunt you down too. She knows I will openly refuse to, since I'm strictly neutral in all 'Royal' conflicts."**

_'Well… Shit.' _I muttered.

**"Could be worse. She could take the time to personally hunt you down if you escape, but she knows I won't do Royal work and Luna can't do everything." **He offered, making me frown.

_'How could I get away from her, anyway?' _I asked.

**"You know Twilight, right?"** He asked.

_'Yea, I know her. Spent the end of my first shower being interrogated by her about humans.' _

**"Well, Twilight is Celestia's protégée. You'll think of something, considering that Celestia won't let anything happen to her, and I'll leave you to think up the rest. Have a good dream, you'll probably need it." **He explained, before I felt myself slip off into an actual slumber.

**Author's Note: Movement in the plot! You'll probably figure out what'll happen to Mark next chapter! Tell me what you think of this so far, I need the criticism! **


	6. Shi-

**Author's Note: Double Post! I wrote down this chapter ahead of finishing Chapter 5, so I figured that I'd just post this along with the other one. Apologize ahead of time for any and all OOC for Twilight and Celestia.**

About a week after the 'visit' from Timeithian, I had another unexpected visit in the form of Twilight Sparkle.

"Hey, Mark! Princess Celestia is coming to meet you today before lunch!" She chirped as I was preparing to go and work some more with Applejack.

"Um, are you sure she's here to _meet _me?" I nervously asked, remembering what Timeithian told me.

"Yea, I'm pretty sure." Twilight said, frowning at my worried face.

"Ya'll be fine, sugarcube. Ah'm sure she just wants to meet ya." AJ said. "We don't have much left to harvest, so ya'll can take a break an' get ready." I slowly nodded, before going back inside.

"When is she coming?" I asked Twilight, who followed me inside.

"In about ten minutes." She replied.

"Alright, can you help me get this on? It'll take less time with you helping." I asked as I put on my bulletproof vest, the first layer of my suit besides my fatigues.

"Why? Isn't that thing hot?" She asked, tilting her head. I sighed and looked down at her.

"Twilight, I may be wrong, but I have a feeling that this visit isn't to get to know me. If I am wrong though, it might be best to at least be in my natural element." I explained, unloading my pistol before putting it in the holster and putting the magazine into a pouch made for them.

"Fine…" She groaned and followed my instructions with her magic, helping me put the suit on.

"Thanks. Looks like we finished just in time, too." I said once I was suited up, flicking the visor down, covering my face up. Twilight frowned at my hidden face, but brightened up instantly when the door opened. In walked this white Unicorn/Pegasus combination with a multicolored mane and tail that was unnaturally flowing, as if there was a constant, undetectable breeze around them, and the pony came up to my shoulder, save for the mane.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight exclaimed, grinning. Celestia only frowned, before looking behind her as the Day Guards Timeithian told me about filed into the farmhouse, blocking the front door.

"I told you, Twilight." I said bluntly, backing up slowly, drawing my pistol and sliding a magazine into it.

"But, Princess Celestia! He-" Twilight started to defend me, but was cut off by Celestia.

"Twilight. You have _no _idea as to what this human is capable of doing. I trust you fully, but I cannot allow him to live." She growled, the tip of her horn starting to glow. I knew that if she was able to cast a spell that I'd be fucked, I pointed my pistol at Twilight. From what I knew about the body of a pony, the bullet would kill her instantly, should I need to shoot her. Twilight stood frozen, her eyes looking up at me in pure terror.

"Give me five minutes to get as far away as possible before attacking me. If you attacked right now, you wouldn't be able to save Twilight before the bullet hit her. Doubt you'd like to kill your star pupil, too." I growled right back. For a moment, I thought I would have to actually shoot Twilight, but Celestia finally sighed and nodded, her and the Guards moving away from the door.

"The clock's ticking, human." She growled. I nodded and picked up Twilight rather quickly, pressing the barrel of the pistol against her skull.

"To make sure you all don't try anything." I snarled, backing out of the doorway. After getting off the porch, I turned around and walked towards the rows of apple trees. Twilight was shivering madly against my steel grip, and I felt like complete shit for doing this to her.

"W-Why are you doing this?!" She managed to gasp out after we were a few rows into the orchard.

"I'm very sorry for this, Twilight. This was the only thing I could think of at the time. In about four minutes, I'm putting you down and I'm getting as far away as possible. Once you're back on the ground, I beg of you to stall the Guards for as long as possible." I explained, holstering my pistol and flicking the visor up, before running my fingers gently through her mane to try and calm her down.

"How can I trust you?" She hesitantly asked.

"You have every reason not to, but I give you my word that I won't harm you, either physically or emotionally, unless I absolutely have to." I sighed, while shifting her body to make her more comfortable while she was pressed against the suit. I carried her for a few more minutes, before I overheard ponies behind us yelling. "Well… I'll probably see you again." I said, gently putting her on the ground.

"Please, don't die." Twilight said, hugging me. She then ran off in the direction that we came.

"I don't plan on it." I muttered, before bolting off in the opposite direction, heading towards the forest that I saw when I arrived.

**Author's Note: Fin.**

**For this Chapter. :D As I've said before, I wrote this down in about half an hour, so I'm not able to get the personalities correct.**


	7. Running from Zombies and Guards

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**Bloodshot111: Actually, Mark is in love with AJ. Twilight's just being friendly and AJ doesn't know what happened yet. It is alright to be confuzzled at times :D**

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It was bloody hot. I'm pretty sure the temperature outside the suit was pleasant, but I felt like I was in an oven. After I ran from the orchard, I was into the forest I first saw when I appeared, the place looking creepy as shit even though it was barely noon. Figuring that I was close enough to the farm, I could just come back for the suit later, and I took it off as quickly as I could.

"Finally…" I muttered, taking a long drink from a bottle of water. I left my bulletproof vest on, put my belt with pistol holster around my chest, stuffed my MRE into a side pocket in my pants, water bottle in one pocket, and iPod with headphones in the other. Memorizing the exact location, I walked away very quickly, not wanting to stay in one spot for long.

"Hey!" A feminine voice called out, before an M4 with several magazines fell from the sky and landed in front of me. "Thank Prince Timeithian for that!" I looked up and saw a Death Guard Pegasus mare hovering above me.

"Thanks!" I called out, waving.

"No idea what that thing does, but Timeithian brought it here for you. He says it's for protection against the creatures in here!" She called back, before flying off. I grinned to myself and picked it up, loading the rifle and chambering a round.

"If I make it out of here, I'll bloody kiss whatever he has for a foot…" I muttered.

**"I'll hold you to that." **Timeithian's voice suddenly said, scaring the shit out of me.

"The fuck?!" I shouted, but got no answer. I stood there for several moments, before sighing and running in a general direction of where I was wanting to go; away from civilization. I ran for a while, pausing only to catch my breath and to take a sip of water, before my foot decided to become a troll and trip up, sending me face first into a patch of blue flowers.

_'Well, that's enough of running for a while, must've gone several miles in…' _I thought, getting out of the patch of flowers and into the shade of a tree. I pulled my MRE out and opened it, before frowning.

"Of all the bloody…" I muttered as I threw away the one MRE I would never eat; meatloaf. I sighed and looked around for a bird or something to kill for dinner. Seeing nothing nearby, I settled for a stick of gum, softly chewing on it to keep the flavor as long as possible. Time flew by rather quickly, and before I knew it, it was nighttime.

_'Time to keep moving, I guess. Night is one of the best silencers, after all.' _I thought, getting to my feet with a quiet groan and started walking again. I kept the safety flicked off and the M4 in my hands at all times, not wanting to be in a crappy situation and it not be anywhere near me. As I wander around aimlessly, I swear that I see a few sets of red eyes staring at me just out of range of my rifle.

"Bloody eyes…" I muttered, stopping and looking around again. "Don't know if dangerous, so I'll just wait…" I then sat down, taking a long gulp of water from my bottle, drinking the rest of it.

_'Figures.' _I thought, shaking the bottle a little.

"You wouldn't happen to know where a river is, do you?" I called out, testing the owners of the glowing red eyes. I got no response, so I shrugged and pulled out my iPod, picking a random song. I sat there listening to the song, when I barely heard shuffling of hooves against the ground. A sudden glare of light showed that there was what looked like a zombie pony on one side of me, where the red lights were, and a Day Guard on the other side of me. Both were roughly twenty feet away.

"Found you!" The Day Guard shouted, aiming a spear at me, while seemingly not noticing the zombie pony. I scrambled to my feet, struggling to figure out which would be a bigger threat to me. Suddenly, more red lights appeared around the two of us, while ghastly voices moaned stuff about friendship and all that crap.

"Well. Seems like we have a common enemy right now…" I muttered just loud enough for the Day Guard to hear as he backed up to me, while I aimed my M4 at a zombie pony.

"Yea… You wouldn't want to call a temporary truce, would you?" He nervously asked, glancing back at me.

"Might as well. Would hate to be bitten from behind." I replied, aiming in between a pair of lights.

"So, you know what these things are? Definitely not Changelings." The Guard asked.

"Zombies. Aim for their ugly as shit faces." I replied, switching the M4 to semi-automatic and squeezing the trigger, the bullet slamming into decaying flesh and emitting a spray of grey matter and blood from the back of a zombie pony's head. The Guard winced at the crack of the rifle but nodded, watching my back for me as I picked off the zombies one at a time.

"I think that's all of them…" He muttered, after stabbing one through an eye socket.

"Yea… I'm not gonna sleep tonight…" I muttered, popping my back, before looking at him.

"So… I guess you'll get going?" He asked after a brief awkward silence.

"Too dangerous for either of us right now. You're stuck with me until we can see the bloody sun." I replied, looking around. That seemed to piss him off a little, but I ignored it.

"Alright…" He groaned.

"If there _are_more zombies, we really shouldn't be anywhere near here when they come. Keep moving." I said, nudging him with the butt of my rifle. He nodded and we walked onward, parallel to where both him and the zombies appeared from. We walked like this for a few hours, when the light above the trees started getting lighter.

"Well, Human. I guess this is goodbye." The Guard said, looking at me when we stopped.

"Alright. I trust you to not say exactly where I am?" I hopefully asked.

"I am sorry, but it's my job to. I hope you don't take offence." He apologized.

"It's alright, I know the duties a soldier has, even if the job title is something different. I won't hold it against you, so get moving already." I replied, waving him off with my hand. He nodded and walked away, watching me carefully, as if I was going to shoot him as soon as he turned around. I waved to him and walked off, wondering just how far in the bloody forest I was.

**"That was very honorable. But stupid." **Timeithian commented.

"Eh, I wouldn't kill someone who helped me in a tight situation. And he did apologize." I replied, coughing a little.

**"Were you bitten by them?" **He asked, sounding a little worried.

"No, came close though…" I coughed harder, sinking to my knees as I couldn't stand anymore.

**"Bloody- Stay there!" **He ordered, as I slipped into unconsciousness.

**Author's Note: Oh shi- What happened?! D:**


	8. Bloody ponies are out for me!

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"Ungh…" I groaned as I reawaken, trying to remember where I was. All at once, memories slammed into my brain, making me recoil mentally, trying to process them.

_'Alright. I'm in a forest, being hunted by ponies with golden armor. Helped one survive zombie ponies last night, he left at dawn. It looks about 5 now, so I need to get up somewhere soon. Gotta keep moving.' _I thought, before standing up…only to fall onto my back.

"What the hell?" I asked myself, only to find that my voice was a higher pitch. When I looked down at my body from the ground, to my shock I was about the same size as Applebloom, but had a horn, had an Afghan sand colored coat, my mane was cut at about two inches long and was pitch black, and my tail was the same, only several inches longer.

_'…..' _I mentally sighed, and tried getting up on all fours this time. _'Bloody world probably got to me, finally. Took almost two weeks.' _I thought, and tried to see if I had this 'Cutie Mark' that Applebloom seemed to worship. After several minutes of turning around, I finally gave up and only turned my neck, and saw that, I indeed, had a Cutie Mark. It was the US Marine logo, a small brick of C-4 next to it, and the letters EOD under the logo.

"…Seems fitting…" I muttered, before trying to get used to walking as a pony. Something about my body felt…off, but it wasn't just the body itself. I just couldn't put my finger, or hoof as it were, on it. After I finally got walking down, I looked to see that my stuff were nowhere in sight.

_'…FUCK.'_ I thought, smashing a hoof into the ground, furious as hell. I sighed and look around, hoping to find an easy way to leave. _'Might as well return to town. Hopefully there's bombs and shit here so I could at least get a job doing stuff like that…' _I thought as I walked through the trees, wary incase the zombies came back. As I slowly traversed through the forest, I heard two voices slowly coming my way. I instantly froze, and quickly jumped into some bushes, wincing as I felt a snake slither over me.

"…I saw him going this way." The guard from earlier said. "I just don't know how far he's gotten. From what I've seen of him, though, Celestia is wrong about him being absolutely cruel to ponies!" He added, getting another point, while Celestia losing one of the little she had. I was mentally keeping score of every pony that I met, and so far the Apple family and this guard were at the very top. Celestia was at the bloody bottom, with Timeithian a little higher.

"It doesn't matter! Celestia said he's dangerous and to kill him if he's seen." The other voice, a mare from what I could tell, yelled. The snake was not making my position anymore comfortable, in fact, I was probably about to bolt, whether or not the guards were gone or not. A hissing coming from it reminded it exactly why I didn't bloody like snakes, and I did indeed bolt. I also did not, in fact, scream like a bloody girl, no matter what these bloody ponies say otherwise.

"Who's there!?" Male guard shouted, facing me. His look of surprise was added with concern and confusion when he saw me.

"Hey, Gray Steel, did you see a Unicorn filly while fighting these 'zombponies' of yours?" The mare asked, looking at Steel with confusion and a slight hint of amusement.

_'….What.' _I thought, hoping to whatever was the equivalent of God in this realm that she was just joking. What this Steel said next shot that hope down with a tank.

"No, I didn't see her here last night. Maybe she accidentally messed up a teleportation spell. Is that right?" Steel asked, slowly coming over to me.

_'Sweet mother of Jesus, I've been turned into a bloody Unicorn filly. A _**FILLY**_! I fucking hate you now, Timeithian.'_ I thought, clearly not amused. I had a great way of hiding my emotions, and just nodded slowly, showing just enough amount of fear and hesitation to make a believable scared filly lost in the forest. The mare nodded and walked over to me, earning a flinch and I backed up, knowing that if she discovered who I was she'd kill me without a second thought. _'Get on Steel's good side, and I have a good chance at living.' _Was what I thought, looking up at her in fear.

"Uh, Brass? I think she's scared of you…" Steel said, looking at me in concern. Brass nodded and stepped back, allowing Steel to slowly come towards me. I still showed fear on my face (Mostly because either one of them could make my head pop like a grape, if needed.), but not as much as I did towards the other one. "Hey there… We're going to help you out of this forest…" He said, in a voice that I personally thought was completely retarded, but I slowly nodded anyway.

"C-Could you take me back to Ponyville?" I hesitantly asked, remembering the town that was next to Sweet Apple Acres.

_'If I could just get to the Apple family…' _I thought. Steel nodded and beckoned for me to follow them as they set off. I did, rather eager to get the hell out of this forest.

"So, miss…?" He said, looking down at me.

_'…Fucking forgot to make a name…. ah hell, might as well make something up on the spot rather than never…' _I thought, before looking back up at him.

"I'm Tan Bloom." I replied, throwing two random words together.

"That's…an odd name for a Unicorn…" He hesitantly said, raising his eyebrow.

"I wonder myself…." I muttered, not breaking stride with them. Steel looked at me with sympathy while Brass just nodded, probably not caring and just wanting to kill me.

"Hey, did you happen to see a large, bipedal creature carrying around a black, metal stick thing?" Steel asked, looking at me.

"No, can't say that I have…" I lied, shaking my head. Both of them frowned, but nodded and continued going to, where I hope, Ponyville was.

**[About an hour and running from various critters later]**

"Really hate Manticores…" Steel muttered, panting heavily at the edge of the forest. I wearily nodded in agreement, about to collapse in exhaustion.

_'Normally I would bloody run that long in my sleep…' _I thought, hiding a frown at my extremely decreased stamina.

"Where in Ponyville are you staying?" Steel asked, looking over at the town.

"I live over by Sweet Apple Acres, I can make it from here." I said, waving goodbye with a hoof. They returned it and walked back into the forest that I considered evil. With a sigh of relief, I slowly set off to Sweet Apple Acres, collecting and sorting my thoughts.

**Author's devious Notes: Not what you were expecting, eh?**


	9. Back Where I (now) Belong

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"Uh, hello?" I hesitantly called when I reached the door, looking up at it.

"Just a sec!" Applejack called out from somewhere in the house, to my greatest relief.

_'Just hope that bitch isn't here anymore...' _I thought, frowning. After a moment, the door slowly opened and I was looking up at Applejack, who I still thought was beautiful, even in this bloody pony body. She warmly smiled down at me.

"Well, what's a little filly doing out here by yerself?" She asked after looking past the porch, presumably looking for parents.

"Um, is Princess Celestia here?" I hesitantly asked, moving a hoof around on the wood, acting like I was her student or something.

"Ah'm sorry, but she's left already. Had to go back to Canterlot for 'Royal Duties' and the like." Applejack answered, causing me to grin, probably very creepily.

"Bloody good! Don't know what's got her panties in a wad, but I'm glad she isn't here!" I exclaimed, blushing when she looked at me in both shock and caution.

_'Shit, forgot to explain my predicament.' _I thought, face…hoofing?

"Sorry, AJ. It's Mark. I've been turned into a bloody filly for some God forsaken reason." I explained, looking back up at her. She frowned down at me.

"Now, how do Ah know you're not just lying to get inside?" She cautiously asked.

"Fair enough. I still happen to think you're gorgeous, in my opinion." I answered, looking up at her with a grin. She blushed deeply and stammered something, but moved aside to I could walk in.

"Uh… Ah… Gotta go work with Big Macintosh!" She managed to say, before bolting out of the house, the door casually swinging shut behind her. I chuckled lightly and went over to the kitchen, where I nudged open a cabinet and took out an apple, because I was fucking hungry. That gum did not help worth a shit.

"Applejack, are ya in the kitchen?" I heard Applebloom call out.

"Nope, just Mark." I replied with the deepest voice I could make, hopping up onto the table, planning on messing with her. I watched in stealth mode as Applebloom bolted into the kitchen, and stopped in confusion.

"Huh? Where'd ya go?" She asked, looking under the table. I quietly crawled to the edge and hung over as best as I could without hands, and grinned creepily. She took her bloody time to turn around, and instead of getting startled, she grinned back at me.

"Well, that didn't work…" I muttered, before sliding the rest of the way off and landing on my back with a grunt, a very loud crack coming from the top of my head and a hole appeared in the floor.

"AH!" Applebloom yelped in surprise.

"Jesus!" I yelled at the same time, as Big Macintosh and Applejack ran into the house, worried as shit. Both Big Mac and AJ appeared to blush when they saw that I was in a compromising position, still a little dazed. How I noticed a blush on Big Mac, I wouldn't know.

_'Well, at least I think I know where my guns went…' _I thought, rolling my eyes before looking back up at them through my legs.

"Like the view, AJ?" I teasingly asked, wearing a shit-eating grin. Glancing back at me, I could see that Applebloom was confused, while Applejack appeared to choke on something and leave the room, her face beet red. I rolled over and looked up at Big Macintosh.

"Um…" Was all he said as I stared up at him.

"Applejack likes me. A lot." Was all I said, before getting up and casually trotting upstairs to take a shower.

After getting upstairs, I quickly figured out how to turn on the shower as a pony. It was bloody annoying, but I got it done.

"Ahhh..." I moaned out lightly. "Feels just right for some reason, even if it's still freezing..."

**"...Please, tell me you're not a Pony." **Timeithian suddenly said, causing me to jump and let out an adorable shriek that did not fit my personality at all.

_'I'm not a bloody pony!' _I thought very loudly, frowning.

**"Hm. Actually, you're right. You just _look _like a Pony. Did you happen to wander into a patch of weird blue flowers yesterday?" **He asked.

_'Faceplanted into them. Why?' _I asked, confused.

**"The flowers are called Poison Joke. They do crap to you that they think is funny. The flowers took away your body and gender for a joke. Ask Applebloom or Applejack to take you to a Zebra named Zecora to fix you up." **Timeithian explained, giving me directions for help.

_'Alright. I'll go to her after my shower. Just hope those bloody zombies aren't on the loose in the daytime.' _I told him, getting back under the water.

**"They only come out at certain times of the year; last night was the last one for a few months." **He said, before breaking the connection.

"Freakin' Princes... At least I can get my body back..." I muttered, turning off the shower and shaking water off of my coat.

**"For putting you through this bullshit, I'm giving you an invitation to Captain Shining Armor's wedding in Canterlot, clearance to bring weapons, and one weapon of your choice. Once Celestia takes a chill pill, of course." **Timeithian suddenly said.

_'The fuck would I WANT to go to a bloody Royal Guard's wedding?' _I asked, raising an eyebrow.

**"To get a feel for our culture, for one. And for another, I have no real warriors in my section of the guard. Also, the Changelings are getting bolder. I fear that they will try something, even with the Captain's shield that he's making." **Timeithian explained.

_'...ANY weapon I want? With how much ammunition?' _I asked, getting an idea, a grin forming upon my face. It was a grin that was only used for evil plotting.

**"As long as it's within reason. I know what human weapons are capable of, so I WILL NOT bring you a fucking nuclear missile." **Timeithian said.

_'Wasn't planning on a nuke. Have you ever heard of an M60?' _I asked.

**Author's Note: Well, at least you know where this story is set in timeline wise for MLP!**


	10. Royal Ponies in My Dreams!

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**Tanget(Ch. 2): I know, I'm one of em. I knew that, I just forgot how to spell the term for it. And Mark says thanks.**

**Tanget(Ch. 3): I would know, too...**

**Analpancakes: (Wtf at your username. Srsly. Did giggle a little.) Glad to make people laugh!**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Spas-12 is Italian/Russian, depending on the model. (Hint: The 's' is Italian, 'z' is Russian). Mark is still an American, and loves using 'light' machine guns. (Srsly, why call the bloody things light if they're heavy? Makes no sense.)**

_**[Two Days Later]**_

I didn't feel like recording yesterday's events, even though I got back into my regular body. I'm pretty sure AJ loves me for who I am, considering that she hugged me (Strange as fuck, but whatever) for a long bloody time. I also got a mild headache from Zecora, because of all the bloody rhyming that she did. I wondered what the hell was wrong with her voice to make her do that.

**"Dude, stop dreaming about being on a gun range; Princess Luna wants to talk with you."** Timeithian said while I was dreaming. I sighed and put down the M60 I had, preparing for the real thing again.

"Yes, Princess?" I asked, turning around. Unlike Celestia, Luna had a dark blue coat and a mane that moved also, but instead of Celestia's rainbow-like colors, hers looked like the night sky. I stood respectfully to her, since she hasn't done anything to make me hate her yet.

"GREETINGS, HUMAN." She said in an insanely loud voice.

_'Caps lock much?'_ I thought, wiping a little blood out of my left ear.

**"Luna, we've talked about the Royal Voice."** Timeithian said, walking up next to her. He was slightly larger than Luna (Shut up, perverts) with a jet black color on the top of his mane and blood red on the bottom, and his coat was blood red. Luna looked down a little in shame and embarrassment.

"Well, I finally get to see the dude who brought me here." I said, crossing my arms. "And Princess Luna; I've heard about you through this bloke. So far I like you, since you haven't tried to kill me on sight." I added, nodding to her. Luna smiled at me a little, and looked at Timeithian.

**"Well, 'this bloke' would rather be called Red Dawn, mostly because that's what I'm known as in Ponyville. Except for my closer friends, and everypony knows that I'm an Alicorn anyway, so eh."** Timeithian, or Red Dawn, said, shrugging a little.

_'The fuck? How can a horse, or a pony, shrug?'_ I thought, but hid my bewilderment.

"Alright. I take it you want me to give you a bloody good reason to let me live?" I asked Luna, looking at her.

"Yes, I do." She said, nodding.

"Alright. Well, I'm not like most humans, for one." I replied.

"Explain." Luna ordered.

"First off, when I was first threatened by your sister, I could have just shot her. Don't know if it would've done anything, but I could have. Also, I did not harm Twilight at all, even though I could have really taken her as a hostage when I ran into the forest." I explained.

**"That is true."** Dawn said, nodding.** "I was watching him the entire time."**

"That's creepy." I said, before continuing. "Third, I could have murdered the Apple family that lived on Sweet Apple Acres, or leeched off of their hospitality instead of helping them 'buck' apples." Luna looked halfway convinced by now.

"And, I had nothing back home except for a brother and a mother, father left when I was ten, mum has cancer, and my brother's old enough to take care of himself." I said, blinking back a single tear. "I may be a soldier, but my main mission is to protect, not kill. All I had for a weapon was usually my M1911."

"What is this, M1911?" Luna asked, raising an eyebrow.

"…Can I hurt anyone in this dream?" I asked.

**"No. It is simply a dream."** Dawn said.

"Good." I simply replied, before thinking of my pistol, aimed it at Dawn, and squeezed the trigger, creating a two inch hole in his face.

**"…Bloody humans…"** Dawn sighed, the hole disappearing and he shook his head.

"You said it wouldn't hurt. Anyway, Luna; this is a 1911. Designed for personal protection against other hostile humans or wildlife." I explained, making it disappear. Luna flinched at the gunfire, but nodded, probably curious at the pistol.

**"Luna, at least help me keep him alive until after Cadence's wedding. He's my security detail, if nothing else, to protect the guests."** Dawn pleaded, looking at Luna. I looked at her too, and smiled a little when she sighed and nodded.

"…Alright, human. I guess I'll side with you and Dawn. Mostly because we're under threat from the Changelings." Luna said after a moment.

"Thank you, Princess." I said, getting on one knee and bowing a little. "Just know one thing; I do not serve Royalty, because I am a free man, and my country of origin has no Royal Family." I grinned, getting back up. "I'm doing this because Dawny here asked me to, and is giving me a toy for doing it."

**"That the 'toy' you're talking about?"** Dawn asked as Luna disappeared, pointing a hoof at the M60 I placed on the only table in the room.

"Yes, this is the M60. Since you said you'd give me a weapon, I want this, a backpack, and ten magazines for this, two or three ammunition bags of armor piercing ammunition." I explained, picking it back up with a small grunt.

**"I'll have it next to you in the morning. Very kind of Applejack to force you to sleep with her."** He said with a shit-eating grin. I rolled my eyes at him.

"So, what exactly do Changelings look like?" I asked, changing the subject as I felt my face heating up.

**"They look like ponies, but instead of coats they have black shells, holes in their legs, small horns on their heads, and insect-like wings. Their eyes glow blue for the most part, but higher ranking ones have green eyes and pupils. If you happen to see her, the Changeling Queen has what looks like a mushroom crown and a moss-like mane."** Dawn described, also giving me a mental image.

"…Just how thick is this shell of theirs?" I asked.

**"Thick enough to where a buck won't kill them if hit in the face."** He replied.

"Alright, I think my bullets will be able to pierce their armor. Also, could I have some sort of blunt object?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

**"You'll have your weapons in the morning. Now, I bid thee adieu."**

"Before you leave, could I ask you a few questions?" I asked.

**"…Fine, but make them quick. Although I have no royal duties, mostly, I do run on a tight schedule."**

"Alright. How similar is this world compared to mine?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

**"Almost exactly. Continents, Oceans, etc. are all the same, except for the names and occupants. Equestria is located in your United States, save for Hawaii and Alaska. We ponies also inhabit mainly Europe."**

"Name differences?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "How different?"

**"Germany, for example, is Germaneigh."**

"Cruel and evil to the extreme…." I muttered. "I happen to be half German!"

**"Well, you'll still be able to understand the language. When dealing with ponies or other sentient beings, everyone uses 'Equestrian' or English."**

"Kinda like with my world, except we still use translators if we have Prisoners of War, for example."

**"Would you like to know anything else? Or can I leave you to yourself?"**

"Two things, same subject. Why in the bloody hell do you use everypony when talking about just ponies?"

**"Old bloody habit. And I live with ponies. But when I go out into other countries or talk to other races, I use everyone and the like."**

"Do I have to use your bloody language?"

**"As in 'buck' instead of fuck? Hell no, that's entirely your choice."**

"Well, that brings a whole new meaning to Applebucking…" I muttered, getting a grin from Dawn.

**"I said the same thing to Applejack. She blushed extremely hard, muttered something and ran off the first time I mentioned it. Well, I really must be going now, and you won't really need Celestia's apology now, since me and Luna are siding with you. See you at the wedding."** He said and faded, leaving me to my own devices.

**Author's Note: going to a certain picnic is next!**


	11. Picnics and Introductions

**Reviews:**

**AnalPoptarts: Actally, Mark is a third German, thrid 'Murican, and a third [insert names of various European countries here]. Might do that, somnething from Earth -lolspoiler- will come into the story in later chapters.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: The Changelings are going to be mostly dealt with peace, but cool idea!**

"Hey, Applejack…" I muttered, gently shaking the orange Earth Pony awake.

"Mmph… Five mo' minutes…" She groaned, rolling onto her back. I sighed and started rubbing her belly, having accidentally discovered that it was a ticklish spot to her yesterday. In less than a minute, she was writhing around the bed giggling quite loudly.

"You up yet?" I asked, noting that a Death Guard Pegasus was hovering outside, holding a backpack with my M60 and a police baton strapped to it, straining to stay airborne.

"Yea!" She managed to gasp out.

"Well, get up! I'll be down in a second, so don't wait for me." I said, gently shoving her to get her going. She nodded, put on her hat, and walked out, while I opened the window.

"T…-pant-Thanks…" The Pegasus gasped, collapsing on the bed.

"Sorry about that, man." I said, taking the backpack from him, noting that it weighed about 50 pounds.

"It's alright, I just had that in my hooves for a few hours…" He panted.

"Pretty sure you're welcome to stay for breakfast, if you want." I said, sliding the backpack on with a grunt.

"T-Thanks… But I'm pretty sure Prince Timeithian will be… mad if I do…" He panted some more, probably about to pass out.

"That wasn't a suggestion." I said, before picking him up with another grunt and walking downstairs as he weakly protested.

"Soup's on!" Granny Smith called out from the kitchen.

"Hope you have enough for another mouth, Granny Smith! Got a kind Pegasus here for breakfast!" I called down, earning a mild glare from him.

"I… Guess…" He managed to say, accepting defeat.

"Good boy. Eat a lot, I'm pretty sure it's not wise to fly on an empty stomach." I said, letting him down. The others looked slightly confused at the Pegasus when they came in, but I simply told them that he visited me for something.

"Hey, what is all that stuff?" Applebloom asked me when she noticed my backpack for the first time.

"Stuff from my world. Asked Red Dawn to get it for me, so I could do a job later this week." I replied after putting down my fork.

"What kind of job?" Applejack asked, looking over at me from across the table.

"Security for some wedding." I replied, taking a bite of apple cobbler. (I was surprised the first morning with this)

"Oh, well, good luck at it!"

**[After Breakfast]**

Not even ten minutes after the Death Guard left, Rainbow Dash almost knocked me over to talk to AJ. They were talking about a picnic later today.

"Hey, Mark! You wanna come with us? Give ya a chance to meet my friends!" Dash asked me suddenly.

"Eh, why not? Not as if I'm doing anything today anyway…" I shrugged, following them as best as I could due to not being able to outrun a pony, even without an M60 strapped to by back and a baton slapping my leg. After about ten minutes of half running and half jogging, we ended up in a meadow where four other ponies were already sitting around, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, a butter yellow Pegasus, and a white Unicorn.

"Hey there!" Pinkie suddenly yelled, somehow erupting out of the ground and into my face, causing me to give off a scream of surprise.

"The hell?!" I yelled, having fallen backwards and onto the ground, Pinkie ending up on my chest. Pinkie giggled while I stared up at her in shock, not blinking.

_'...'_ I think my mind just broke, for a second.

"Ah think ya broke him, Pinkie." Applejack said, looking at us with amusement.

"...Don't bloody do that. It's fucking weird." I stated once my mind started working again, earning a gasp from the six mares.

"Such vulgar language!" The white Unicorn exclaimed, glaring at me a little.

"Well excuse me for wanting to keep some of my bloody English with me!" I retorted, gently (but firmly) shoving Pinkie off and sitting up, glaring right back. The butter Pegasus shrank a little at my glare, and made a noise similar to whimpering. I sighed and got the rest of the way up, cracking my neck.

_'Smooth, Mark. Just bloody smooth.'_ I thought.

"Sorry for that, but I'm pretty sure you've noticed that I'm not from here. I want to keep some of my old life's words and customs, so I'm keeping my language." I apologized and explained, shrugging a little. "I can't help it if you all don't agree with it; but I'm sticking with it."

"Well...I guess we can deal with it..." Twilight stated after a moment, looking unsure.

"Many thanks. Now, why don't you all introduce yourselves and I'll do the same?" I asked, getting onto a different topic. "I know Applejack and a little of Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Pinkie, but I don't know you three." I added, pointing at the other Unicorn and Pegasus.

"Well, my name's Rarity, and I work at the Carousel Boutique as Ponyville's leading fashion designer!" The Unicorn introduced herself.

"Excellent; I'm in dire need of new clothing, so we can talk later about that." I said, before pointing at the butter yellow Pegasus. "And you are?"

"I-I'm..." She started very quietly, before mumbling something I couldn't hear.

"Lass, I'm afraid you're going to have to speak just a little louder; I don't understand mumble." I said, slowly walking over to her in a non-threatening manner.

"I-I'm Fluttershy..." She said at the same volume level, shrinking back a little. Smiling gently, I stopped and sat down on the edge of the checkered blanket.

"Nice to meet you, Fluttershy." I said, holding out my hand for her to shake. After a minute or so of staying still, Fluttershy looked back at me before timidly shaking my hand with her hoof.

"Well, who're you? AJ never told us much about you." Rainbow Dash asked, landing near me.

"My name's Mark. I'm a human, species _Homo Sapien_. Humans are naturally war-like, although some perfected it into an art. I was a soldier, but I never did much in the way of real fighting." I explained. "I mostly worked with explosives, usually to make them harmless, although I do know how to make gunpowder and the like." I added, waving my hand around.

"H-How did you end up here?" Fluttershy asked, probably curious.

"I died." I simply said, my face void of emotion. "Bloody shame, but I didn't have a lot connecting me to my life anyway; only my job kept me going everyday. Had to, if I messed up I was dead." I explained. Fluttershy looked sad, so I smiled reassuringly. "From what I've experienced so far, this place is a lot better than where I lived before. Less people trying to kill me, for one."

"Well, how'd you die? You never told me!" Twilight suddenly said.

"I was going to destroy a IED, which stands for Improvised Explosive Device, when it was shot, exploding half a foot away from me. I'm pretty sure nothing survived it, anyway." I remembered, not really knowing if something of mine actually survived the blast or not. "Now, let's get rid of this depressing topic and enjoy the picnic!" I said, pointing at a basket. The others seemed relieved and nodded, Pinkie opening up a basket. I just started as several balloons that clearly could not fit in it float out, defying what sense of logic I have.

"Um, Mark? Are ya'll ok?" AJ asked, waving a hoof in front of my face. I snapped back into reality, shaking my head.

"Yea, I'm fine. Just got to get used to your world's logic and physics..." I said, muttering the last part to myself. As they got out sandwiches, I noticed that they were all filled with flowers and grass. Dash offered one to me, which I turned down.

"Not hungry?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Quite the opposite. I just can't eat grasses or flowers. They'll make me sick." I replied. "Just forgot to grab a bite to eat before running after you and Applejack." Dash nodded and chomped down on it.

"Well, what do you eat?" Fluttershy quietly asked, coming over to me, and would have startled me if I wasn't paying attention to everyone at once.

"Meat, dairy, some vegetables, some fruit, fish, grains, candy, soda, coffee, bacon, and nothing that can think or talk." I replied, ignoring the expected looks of shock at 'meat'. "Forgot to tell you; Humans are omnivores, and natural predators. Don't worry, I've never tried pony meat, and never plan on it. I'd sooner eat my foot than a pony." I added, shaking my left foot just in case they didn't know what one is. Bloody hooves, man...

"I understand..." Fluttershy muttered, looking up at me.

"You work with animals, don't you?" I asked, understanding instantly why she asked.

"Yes..." She whimpered, probably thinking I was going to eat a rabbit or something.

"Relax, lass. Just because I CAN eat meat doesn't mean that I HAVE to eat it. You have carnivores at your place?"

"Yes... They eat fish, though..." She replied.

"Well, then I guess all I will eat is fish, that you say is alright." I assured her.

_'Though I may have to go hunting sometime and get a bloody steak...'_ I thought, keeping my face blank.

"Hey, Mark? I heard you mention some place called 'Hell' earlier. What's hell?" Rainbow Dash asked suddenly, causing me to internally facepalm.

"Do you have a place where really bad Ponies or smart beings go to?" I asked.

"Yea, it's called Tartarus. It's an island continent." She replied.

_'...Their version of hell is in Australia... Oh the bloody irony.'_ I thought.

"Well, Hell is where humans go when they do evil." I replied. Dash nodded and continued eating as I gazed around the field.

**"Hey, I forgot to tell my messenger this, but your weapons are magical."** Dawn suddenly said in my mind, as the others talked to themselves. I internally winced but was curious.

_'What do you mean, magical?'_ I thought asked.

**"The baton will turn into any weapon that is used in hand-to-hand combat. Like a sword or a knife. The M60 will turn into any gun you want, as long as it's within a century from the original make."** Dawn explained, causing me to grin. As a test, I unhooked the LMG and thought of a Kar98k, and to my surprise it turned into one.** "It will never run out of ammunition when in a different form, so use it to your advantage. It WILL overheat, though, if you use it too much, so do be careful."** He added, causing my grin to get more evil.

"Um, what's with the scary grin, sugarcube?" AJ asked, snapping me from my thoughts.

"Sorry, it's nothing important. Dawn was telling me something about my equipment." I halfway explained, discreetly changing my gun to an M1911 and sliding it into a pocket.

"Prince Dawn can talk with you in your mind?" Twilight asked, clearly curious.

"Well, yea. He's pretty much the reason I'm here and not in Heaven. I like to think I'd go there, anyway..." I replied, dismissing their question about Heaven. When I noticed that they had cake, I took a slice and ate it.

_'Nope, it's not a lie!' _I thought with a hidden smile.

As we were sitting around, them eating and I thinking, I suddenly heard panting and the sound of someone running towards us. Looking over to my left with my hand moving to my pocket, I saw a small green and purple lizard thing, and the first image that came to mind was that it was a miniature Barney.

**[Somewhere on Earth]**

Several workers in an office were staring as one of their own suddenly had a stroke in the break room.

**[Back to Equestria]**

"Twilight!" The lizard yelled once he (was able to tell the gender by his voice) was close enough, causing her to drop an apple that she was about to eat.

"I...Have... Give me a minute..." He panted, while I handed him a glass of water and sat back, watching him gulp it down.

"Who's that?" I quietly asked Applejack.

"Oh, he's Spike, Twilight's dragon assistant over at the library." She replied.

"...Baby?" I asked, knowing a bunch of dragon myths.

"Yep." She confirmed.

_'Well, he hasn't lost any points yet, due to being a baby.'_ I thought, as he seemed to get his breath back. What shocked me was that he belched up a scroll,the paper landing in front of Twilight, who picked it up with her magic and read it.

**_"Dear Twilight, I am sure you are excited as I am of the upcoming wedding in Canterlot."_** She read.

"Wedding?" She asked, confused.

"Hm. Most likely the one I'm going to be security at." I said aloud, shrugging.

**_"I will be presiding over the ceremony, but would very much like you and your friends to help in the preparations."_** She continued, while I tuned her out for the most part. I grinned when she said both mine and Applejack's names, though.

_'Woo! We're both going to the wedding.'_ I thought.

"...Between Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and... MY BROTHER?!" She ended, startling me with her exclamation.

**Author's Note: Sorry it took a while, but it was too dangerous to go alone, so I had to take this chapter with me!**


	12. Getting my Swag

**Reviews:**

**iTealblast: Thanks! We try our best to get these chapters out on time, but between being a student and Marine, we have both IEDs and EOCs to wade through, so until summer break, the chapters will not be rolling out. Thankfully, we only have 20 work days left!**

**Dragon'z Wrath: We try :P**

**AnalPoptarts: Yay for references!**

**Darkria Defender: Whew! Good thing I can make jokes about other countries and get their citizens to smile! (I was honestly 'ohshi-' when I read the first three words.)**

**spartan1735: Thanks, and he definitely will mention that to her. And I don't really know much about warfare except it kills peeps, so I'll have to say maybe on that.**

**Author's Note: Just in case you get confused later in this chapter, this story is a 'journal/diary', written by the main character, Mark. He's the comedic part of the story, more or less. I have the episodes and plans for future chapters.**

While The others were conversing with Twilight, who was grumpy about something, I had a visitor in the form of Dawn in my mind.

**"So, you like Applejack. I could hear your thought about that."** Dawn said, a hint of laughter in his 'voice'.

_'Stuff. It.'_ Was all that I replied with.

**"Hey, if you like her, that's between you and her. I won't promote it, but at the same time I won't deny it from you two."** Dawn said in his defense.

_'So, what do I have to do?'_ I asked him.

**"Get on the train with the girls tomorrow. Might want to come in Service Dress, if you could convince Rarity to make it for you."** Dawn explained.

_'Alright, I think I have a picture in my wallet.'_ I cut the connection and stood up. I was just about to say something when Twilight started singing.

**"Ignore her. For the love of your god ignore her! Don't get dragged into the song!"** Dawn yelled into my head.

_'Why is she fucking singing?!'_ I asked, confused as shit.

**"It's song magic. When something emotional or exciting happens, or if it's an important holiday, a unicorn usually starts singing and everyone in the area could start at anytime, too. Unless it's Pinkie Pie. That mare defies even song magic. She sings whenever she wants to, magic be damned.**" Dawn explained while I tried my hardest to not get pulled into the song. Let me tell you, that shit's hard as fuck considering I don't have a damn bit of resistance to magic. And stop reading this fucking journal, you bastard. Unless you're Applejack, then I don't care.

"Rarity, I have a request for you." I said once they stopped, digging out my wallet. Pushing aside my worthless money, I pulled out a 'recent' picture of me in my Service Dress.

"Is it for the wedding?" She asked, looking up at me.

"Yes, I need you to replicate this EXACTLY. It's my Marine Service Dress uniform, and I'd love to have a replica back, at least." I answered. "The items on my chest are made separately." I added, handing over the picture.

_'As my brother called it, I will soon have my Marine Swag back.'_ I thought with a slight grin. **(Author's Note: That uniform IS the Marine's swag. And class.)**

"I'll have it ready for you tomorrow!" Rarity said, looking over it. "Although I've never made clothing for a bipedal..." She muttered, frowning a little.

"The back of the uniform is just like a normal suit, same for the pants." I explained, turning around to show her. I felt Rarity's eyes going over my back for a second. "I'll stop by later to give you my measurements."

"Alright, and I'll make dresses for you five, too!" Rarity exclaimed, before trotting off towards the town.

"Hey, Applejack. Does Ponyville have a blacksmith?" I asked, looking over at said Earth pony.

"Yea, why do ya need one, Sugarcube?" She asked.

"Just wondering. Brass casings are hard to come by here." I said, patting my M1911.

"Brass casings?" AJ asked, raising an eyebrow.

"For bullets." I said and walked towards the Everfree forest to get my suit, waving off questions on where I was going.

_'Can't believe I had forgotten about it until now...'_ I thought, facepalming.

**[Later]**

"I'm going into town, AJ!" I called upstairs, dumping my bomb suit into a corner in the living room.

"Just be careful, ya hear!" She shouted back. I paused for a second, sighed, and tossed my M1911 into the pile, along with my backpack.

"Might as well keep the baton... Hm..." I thought of a key, and nothing happened. "Figures... Alright, oh magical plastic beating stick, please turn into a titanium crowbar." I rolled my eyes and used some twine to tie the crowbar loosely to my side, before walking out.

Let's see... The townsfolk were, wary at best. Except for one teal unicorn, who had a lyra for a cutie mark, if I remember correctly. As soon as I entered town, she latched onto my side and started pelting me with questions, before using magic to examine my hands and feet. I had to sit down for the second of the two. The walk to Rarity's was slow, thanks to this Lyra Heartstrings lass. Pinkie came in about three fourths of the way there.

"Hey, Mark! When do you want your party? I know it can't be done this week, so I might as well ask you when!" She half yelled at me insanely fast.

"Jeez, lass! I'll have it the day after we get back!" I replied, cringing from losing some more of my hearing. Pinkie squee'd and ran off, killing off even more of my sanity. What I have left of it, anyway.

'Fucking. Physics. Don't. Work!' Is all that I thought, waved Lyra off, and sighed before entering Rarity's shop after knocking, glad that I asked Lyra to take me there. Carousal Boutique was the name, I believe.

"I'll be right there~" Rarity's voice called out from a different room, while I looked around, waiting on her. She didn't take long, only a few seconds.

"I'm here for the measurements." I said while examining what looked like a half completed dress.

"Could you step over here then?" She asked, causing me to walk over and eye several tape measure's.

"Would you like me to take my clothes off for more accurate measurements?" I asked, slipping off my jacket and vest. "Well, except for what I really need to be modest around you?" I added, not wanting to strip down fully in front of these ponies.

"Yes, please." She said. I nodded and took my shirt, shoes, socks, and pants off, leaving just my boxers. While Rarity was taking my measurements, I overheard something crashing from above us.

"Do you have anyone upstairs?" I asked, reaching for my crowbar and turning it into a cattle prod.

"Yes, my sister and her two friends. You can put whatever that metal rod is down, you won't need it." Rarity said without breaking her measurement stride. I nodded and tossed the prod back onto my clothing, holding my arms out to the side again. After she was finished several minutes later, I pulled my clothing back on and turned the electric rod into a butterfly knife, which I folded up and stuck into a pocket.

"I'll also need some spare clothing; these fatigues will not last forever." I said, slipping on my vest and looking down a hallway at some stairs. "Would you mind if I went upstairs? I'd like to meet your sister." I asked, looking over at Rarity.

"If you do, would you mind fixing whatever it was that they broke? I have several dresses I need to finish before tomorrow..." She said, not looking like she was paying attention to me.

"Alright, I'll do that." I said, going down the hallway and up the stairs quietly, hoping to not startle whoever was upstairs.

**Author's Note: Mark be gone stealthz. Sorry for the short chapter, but I wanted to get one out.**


	13. Damnit Crusaders! Bah

**Reviews:**

**AnalPoptarts: He has one. His M60 is able to get unlimited ammo while in a different form.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: A reply is reply. Will.**

When I walked up to the door that had noises coming from behind it, I pressed my ear against the wood. It sounded like there were three ponies, or other beings with hooves, behind it. I nodded to myself, slowly opened the door, and lifted my boot as a Persian cat came streaking past, clearly discomforted by the three fillies that I noted were inside.

"Hey, Applebloom. What're you all doing up here?" I asked when I saw her, while observing the other two. One of them was a unicorn, and looked somewhat like Rarity, which led me to believe that this was her sister. The other was a orange Pegasus with a mane styled like Rainbow Dash's, if not in color.

_'Probably Dashie's sister.'_ I thought as Applebloom grappled my leg in her form of a hug.

"Mind introducing me to your friends?" I asked, casually waving my hand at the two fillies who were looking at me in awe.

"Oh, right! This is Sweetie Belle an' Scootaloo!" She exclaimed, pointing at the Unicorn and Pegasus in turn. "An' we're-" She started, getting up close to the others.

"-THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!" They shouted extremely loudly. After I wiped the small amount of blood that came from my ear due to their caps lock rage, I shook my head and frowned.

"Welp, there went my hearing..." I muttered, probably loudly considering that I couldn't hear shit. The three of them went wide eyed before saying something.

"I can't speak mouth, girls." I said, still loudly, trying to hear myself.

_'Sonofafuck.'_ I thought, sitting down. 'I figured I'd go deaf from explosions. Not a group of three fillies.' Sweetie Belle said something to the other two before dashing out and down the stairs, probably going to go get Rarity.

"Do you have any paper lying around? And a quill?" I asked Applebloom, mimicking writing down something just in case I said something unintelligible by accident. She looked thoughtful for a second before saying something to Scootaloo, then said something to me, and ran out of the room too. I sighed and stood up unevenly, wobbling around.

_'Ah, fuck it. I'll go and get Twilight's help. She better have a fucking spell to fix hearing, or I swear to God...'_ I thought, deciding not to finish the threat. I quietly left Carousal Boutique and went out looking for Twilight, discreetly picking up a small, smooth rock along the way. The Heartstrings lass quickly found me and started badgering me with questions again, which somewhat made me glad that I was deaf at the moment. After several unheard questions, she looked up at me in confusion.

-Can't hear, going to find Twilight to fix it.- I wrote in the dirt with the rock, before wiping it away. -Could you take me to her?- I then asked, looking at her hopefully. After several seconds, she grinned and nodded, indicating that I should follow her. I stood back up and did, dropping the rock in the process.

_'Well... Even IF I don't get my hearing back, I'll be able to speak through the dirt.'_ I sarcastically thought, sighing. Lyra looked at me in confusion, but I simply waved her off.

"Keep going, please." I think I said, not really sure anymore. Lyra nodded and kept leading me around, before finally stopping in front of a huge ass tree with a door and windows in the trunk.

_'...I'd expect Fluttershy to live in a tree...'_ I thought, facepalming while Lyra banged on the door. After a second, Spike opened it and said something to Lyra, who waved me in. Spike looked at me in confusion, and called out something into the room, which I noticed was a library._ 'Does... Twilight live in a library?'_ I thought, confused as hell. The Unicorn in question came down the stairs, and Lyra talked to her. She nods, lowers her head slightly, and the next thing I know is that I'm getting a face full of purple laser, a ringing noise erupting in my ears.

"Agh!" I groaned, gripping my head tightly. After several minutes, the ringing slowly ebbed away, until I was able to think clearly again.

"Are you able to hear me?" Twilight asked, rather loudly.

"No need to yell, lass!" I said, standing back up, shaking my head.

"Uh... I didn't yell..." Twilight slowly said, raising an eyebrow. I paused for a few seconds, before grinning.

"I was just hoping you'd give me the hearing I had back. Seems you gave me my original hearing!" I said, going over to her and hugging her lightly. For some reason, Lyra joined in.

"Hugs are epic." Was all that she responded with when I asked her. I shrugged and let go of Twilight, noting that Lyra didn't.

"Um, Lyra?" I asked after a moment of awkward silence. "Could you let me go now?"

"Awww! Fine..." She dramatically groaned, before letting go and looking up at me with a grin. That grin... scared the living shit out of me. And I will deny it if you bloody idjits come to me asking about it!

**[Later]**

As I got home for the night and prepared for tomorrow, I couldn't help but think. At least, until Applebloom came in with her head and ears down.

"Applebloom, don't worry about my hearing; Twilight fixed it. Better than I needed, too." I said, causing her to look up at me, probably surprised.

"How did'ja know that's what Ah was comin' to talk to ya about?" She asked.

"I'd do the same thing once I knew the person was able to hear again. Or at least knew sign language, considering that humans don't have the science to fix hearing yet." I said, wiping off dirt from my M60. "Anyway, go on up to bed. We have a big day tomorrow, since AJ decided to ask ya'll to help with the preparations." I said, shooing her away. About a minute later, Applejack came in while I was lying on my back, pretending to sleep.

"Goodnight, sugarcube." She softly said, before kissing me on the lips lightly and shifted up against me. I broke out into a grin when she started sleeping and went to sleep, too.

**Author's Note: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- *ded***


	14. Relationships and wtf moments

**Reviews:**

**AnalPoptarts: It only turns into weapons designed within the last century. He's barely able to get it to turn into a Springfield.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Changed it a little.**

**buttershoes: Thanks! He know how to make improvised ones, and I like your choices in weapons. Celestia sent Dawny to Earth, he came back, told her what humans did, and shit happened. Yes, he'll be humping the bunk with AJ soon, but not within the next six chappys.**

The next morning, I woke up at the same time as Applejack.

"Mornin' sugarcube." She said, stretching. I watched her for a second before clearing my throat.

"Applejack..." I started, sitting up.

"Yea?" She looked at me, probably a little worried about my tone.

"We need to talk. About the way we've been acting towards each other." I said. Her facial expression changed from simple confusion to a worried one with a light blush.

"Ya knew what Ah did last night, don't ya?" She quietly asked, her ears drooping while her head lowered.

"Applejack, please be honest with me. Do you love me?" I asked.

"Yea... Ah love ya, sugarcube..." She hesitantly said, but I knew she was just worried about my reaction. I responded by wrapping my arms around her and bringing her into a mildly tight embrace.

'Well, it's just Xenophilia. It's not like AJ's a mindless barn animal.' I thought, looking down at her as she buried her face into my chest.

"AJ, look at me." I said, lifting her head slightly. Her green eyes were watery, and that made me wince internally. "No need for crying; I love you too." I said, wiping away a tear.

"Do... Do ya mean that?" She quietly asked.

"How's this for an answer?" I asked, before kissing her deeply. I won't write down anything cheesy like sparks flew when our lips connected, but I WILL shoot you for reading my fucking journals! Unless you're AJ, of course. After a moment of shock, Applejack melted into the kiss and we sat there for God knows how long, until Big Mac opened the door, probably to tell us to get the hell up and get to the train.

"Um..." Was all that he said when he saw us. Applejack almost shot away from my grip, except that I had a very good grip on her at the moment.

"If you truely love me, you wouldn't be afraid to show it." I whispered to her, before looking at Mac. "This is exactly what it looks like. Me and your sister love each other." I said, rather loudly.

"Well.. Just don't do that stuff 'round Applebloom, ya hear?" He said, before shutting the door behind him. I grinned down at AJ, kissed her quickly, and got up to get dressed.

"W..What just happened?" She asked, blushing mildly.

"I think we just became an item, AJ." I replied, sliding a shirt on. "Now, let's go and get on down to the train station. Don't want them to wait on us." I said, slinging my backpack on with a grunt. I waited until AJ decided to respond, and strolled down the stairs with quite a bit of difficulty. Which means that I tripped and somehow hit my face. On_ every. Fucking. Step_.

"Are ya'll right, sugarcube?!" AJ shouted, stopping next to me.

"If I was on my world, that would hurt a lot worse than it did..." I groaned, looking up at her. "How badly am I bleeding?" I asked, feeling my nose with a wince.

"Er... Quite badly..." She managed to say, going pale. I still wonder how in the fuck a pony pales or blushes, but I digress. If you're reading this AJ, please explain it to this evolved monkey in a way that I would understand. Or get Twilight to, either way would work for me.

"Then it's broken, not that big of a deal." I muttered, standing up and tenderly touching my nose, sending a flare of pain through my skull. "Yea... Definitely broken..." I muttered, shutting the pain away somewhere else.

"Do ya need Twilight to fix it?" Applejack asked, extremely concerned, and with good reason.

"No, I can do it. Not like this hasn't happened before..." I assured her, before doing the part I hated the most. I firmly pressed both palms against a side of my crooked nose, inhaled through my mouth, and twisted sharply.

_'Pretty sure they heard that over in Canterlot...'_ I thought after my extremely loud scream of pain.

**"That sounded like it hurt. Celestia's wondering something along the line of, _'what made somepony scream like that?_' I'm over here in Canterlot trying my best not to laugh."** Dawn said, confirming my thought.

_'How in the hell did I scream THAT fucking loud?'_ I asked, snapping my fingers in front of a dazed Applejack's face. _'I gave AJ the effects of a flashbang with it!'_

**"I told Celestia that you did it. She merely rolled her eyes and scoffed. Honestly, she does hate you, but since you're with AJ and both Luna and I vouch for you, she can't do dick to you."**

"Just another reason to dislike Sunbutt..." I muttered, before sighing and picking up AJ, who wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I walked outside and held part of my shirt up under my nose at the same time to absorb the blood leaking from my nose at an alarming rate. I noticed Dash and Fluttershy racing towards us.

"What happened?!" Dash yelled when she was close enough to us, a skidding sound happening as she stopped.

_'I'm never going to get used to this fucking world...'_ I thought while my eye twitched involuntarily.

"I broke my nose. Fixed it; that's what the scream was." I answered while Fluttershy gasped.

"Are you alright?!" She asked worriedly, getting up in my face.

"Uh... Yes lass, I'm fine, considering that I'm up and carrying both 60 pounds in equipment and probably 150 pounds worth of muscle." I replied, backing up a little. "I've had worse, honestly."

"How so?" Dash asked, raising an eyebrow. "And what happened to AJ?"

I decided to answer the second question first. "She's been stunned from my scream. She was standing next to me when I realigned my nose. And I'm supposed to have ten fingers, not eight."

'I miss my right pinkie and left thumb...' I thought, before sighing and shaking my head.

"Oh dear..." Fluttershy said, examining my fingers. Dash did too, with what looked like a wee bit of a blush? Anyway, while I was letting Fluttershy fuss over my left hand, the side that AJ was still fucked up on, Dash grabbed my right hand with her hooves and brought it up to her face.

"Um Fluttershy? Could you give something to Applejack so she'd wake up? She's starting to get really heavy..." I asked, frowning at the weight on my shoulder. Instead of doing some voodoo animal magic shit, she simply picked AJ up with a little effort and put her on the ground as gently as she could.

"I'm not very good with other ponies when it comes to medical stuff..." She confessed, looking down.

"Eh, at least you're brave enough to admit it." I replied, shrugging. "You know enough about ponies to apply first aid for injuries that aren't broken bones?" I asked, noting that Dash was transfixed by my hand.

"Yes..." She said, still looking down.

"Then that's all that matters. I'm not a doctor, so I won't criticize your field work should it come to that." I said, running a hand through her mane. She blushed at the physical contact, but I think what Dash did made me blush harder. She fucking stuck my hand into her mouth.

'What in the actual fuck?' I thought, staring at her. Her eyes were somewhat glazed over, she was breathing abnormally, and she was blushing.

"Dash!" I shouted, startling her and Fluttershy, while apparently finally bringing AJ back to the land of the living. "Why in the hell are you trying to eat my hand?!"

"Uh... Hey look, a distraction!" She shouted, pointing a hoof in a random direction behind us. Fluttershy looked over while Dash zoomed off, with me watching the entire time.

"We will never speak of this again, Fluttershy." I said.

"Speak of what?" Both AJ and Fluttershy asked.

"Exactly. Now, both of you should show me to the train before we get left behind and have to walk ourselves to Canterlot." I said, nodding at them. AJ shook her head and sighed, before trotting off with me jogging after while Fluttershy looked like she was lazily flying next to me.

"What happened to your fingers?" She asked, not breaking her flying stride. I sighed and looked down at them, before replying.

"Lost the thumb to a bullet fired from an AK-47. Once came within millimeters to losing my head in the same fashion. Lost the pinkie by playing a very stupid game while half drunk."

"What's an AK-47 look like?" Fluttershy hesitantly asked.

"Easier to show than to describe." I said, drawing my M60 and thinking of one of the most durable machine guns in the world, if not the most accurate or light. The M60 changed into a modern AK-47, and I put the wooden stock against my shoulder while flicking the safety. "This is the AK-47. There are several models but I'm pretty sure this one was the one that took my thumb's life." I explained, thinking up a sling for it and letting it fall to my waist.

"Oh... And the game?" She asked, clearly intimidated by the gun.

"Eh, I don't remember the name but it involved spreading your fingers open and trying your best not to impale them with a knife. I lost, pretty much." I replied, shrugging. Fluttershy looked horrified, but I waved her off.

"They both happened a year ago, and I got used to it. Can't be distracted on the battlefield. Not as a Marine, and especially not as EOD." I said, looking off into the distance. Shaking my head, I noticed that the three of us had arrived at the train station, and the other four and Spike were already there, along with the train. I swear I just lost my man card by LOOKING at the fucking pink as hell train. It pained the man I was to look at it.

_'Dashie's nervous.'_ I thought with a hidden predatory grin.

"Sup girls?" I said, adjusting a strap on my backpack. "You have my uniform ready, Rarity?" I asked, looking at the mare in question. She grinned at me and levitated a set of familiar looking clothing out of the saddlebags she had across her back.

"It was a challenge but I do believe I did it perfectly!" She declared. The first thing I looked at was the cover, which looked exactly like my old one. I went over every part of it, and grinned when I saw that she even made the sheath for a ceramonial sword.

"It looks perfect! I'll put it on while on the train." I said, grinning. The others looked at me like I was stupid, causing me to sigh.

"Uh, Sugarcube? Why're ya wantin' to put yer weddin' clothes on befo' the weddin'?" Applejack asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Because I want to make sure that this will fit me, no offense, Rarity." I answered, sliding into the train.

**[Middle of the train ride]**

"How do I look?" I asked, sliding back into the compartment that the others were in. Rarity and AJ grinned, Twilight looked curious, and Spike nodded respectfully. Pinkie was being Pinkie, Fluttershy muttered 'nice', but I don't really expect much praise from her until I can fully win her over with my good charms **(A/N: I didn't write that, Mark did. He has no good charms)** and Dash was trying not to meet my gaze, but I could see her glance out of the corner of her eye from time to time.

"Ya'll look very good, sugarcube. What're the colorful things on yer chest for? And the medals?" Applejack asked, being the first to break the silence.

"The colorful strips are called ribbons. They tell other military personnel what a person has done in their career. The medals are pretty much the same thing, but louder." I explained, changing the magical beating stick on my backpack into a sharp ass cerimonial sword and sliding it into the sheath on the left side of my waist. "I shouldn't have doubted you, Rarity. Fits me perfectly." I added, nodding to the white Unicorn.

"Aren't you going to put on that white cap of yours?" Twilight asked, looking at the cover gripped loosely in my left hand.

"As soon as we get off of the train. I may be the only Marine on this planet, but I won't go against military protocol." I answered. "Supposed to wear covers only when I'm outside."

"How come?" Twilight asked, a notepad and quill levitating in front of her, writing down everything I say.

"Don't really know how it started, but I've never questioned it." I said, shrugging. The ride to Canterlot wasn't very eventful, except for Twilight going into one of the mildest depressions I've ever fucking seen about this 'Shining Armor' character.

**Author's Note: Cutting it off here. Next chapter will be meeting Shiny, Cadence, and a surprise for ya'll!**


	15. Failure isn't An Option, but I Failed

**Some dadgum reviews:**

**Picklemonman: True story, all of it.**

**iTealblast: Here it be!**

**Hokuto Ulrik: Mark won't let 'er.**

**AnalPoptarts: Nomnomnom indeed. He's fine.**

"What the hell?" I muttered, watching as a wall of transparent dark pink came through the train, passing through everyone. When it passed through me, I felt the strangest sensation of my backpack being pulled back for a moment, before it was allowed through like I was.

_'Felt like a fucking scanner. But for what?'_ I thought, rubbing my recently shaved chin.

"What in the hay was that all 'bout?" Applejack asked as the train slowed to a stop.

"My guess is security measures. Dawny said that they were threatened by someone. Surprised that they didn't just reschedule the bloody wedding..." I guessed, muttering the third sentence to myself. The train stopped and I was the first one off, placing my cover over my head.** (A/N: And completing his Marine Swag)** I glared at the Day Guards who were stationed at the stop, silently daring one of them to call me out.

"What's with all the guards?" Dash asked, sticking her head out next to my calf.

"Security, as I said. Royalty brings out strange folk." I answered. Pinkie Pie took that moment to sneeze and I swear to God that confetti flew from her nose. That shit was scary.

"Let's get going!" Rarity exclaimed, not even fazed by the simple act of_ holyfuck_ that Pinkie just demonstrated.

"And you got a big brother to congradulate!" AJ said, looking at Twilight.

"Yea... 'congradulate'..." She muttered, stalking off. Whatever she muttered made two guards look a little uneasy, causing me to sigh.

"I'll go after her... Dawn told me to meet up with Armor anyway." I said, jogging after Twilight. I managed to catch up with her while she was talking to a large Unicorn wearing a purple chestplate and that looked dick like her, except for a lighter shade of mane highlight. And the telltale sign of magic was the same shade.

"And who's this?" He asked, looking over at me.

"Corporal Mark, Marine EOD. Assigned by Prince Dawn as boosted security." I said, giving him a quick salute.

"You know about the threat made against Canterlot?" Shining Armor asked, looking over my uniform.

"Yes, I do. Surprised that you didn't move the wedding date. That's what we would've done back on Earth." I commented, looking over the assload of guards around us. "If it wasn't for the magic users, I would pretty much reccomend that you do the same."

"What do you mean?" He asked as we walked up onto a walkway a few dozen feet above the ground.

"Humans can't use magic, so we improvised. We have weapons that could kill someone half the bloody world away." I said, drawing my M60 and changing it into a scoped Kar98k, looking at the Unicorns marching below us through the scope.

_'Wonder why they have spears when they have fucking MAGIC.'_ I thought, sighing internally at the stupid.

"What does that do?" Shining asked cautiously.

"Sends a piece of metal flying at a very fast speed. Don't worry, I'm not going to shoot any of your Guards without a good reason." I explained, dumbing it down to past the bare basics.

"Er..."

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything important." A feminine voice said, causing me to look to my right. Standing there was a pink Alicorn, but something felt off about her. I think she noticed my look, because she sent a very subtle glare before going over to the other two. I'm pretty sure my mind was fucking with me, but I think her eyes flashed green and blue for a split second.

"If you'll excuse me..." I said, walking off as Twilight started saying something. Armor looked at me funny but shrugged, and I entered the tower that was away from the Alicorn. As I stood on the stairs, my backpack shifted before it shook violently, and felt about 50 pounds lighter.

_'What in the hell?'_ I thought, before whirling around as best as I could. Standing there was an exact bloody copy of me, sword and all.

"Changeling..." I growled, swinging the butt of my rifle at my copy's head, missing terribly as he grabbed the gun, ripped it out of my grip, and smashed it into my forehead, sending me down several steps.

"Hm... You're weaker than I thought." My copy said as I was struggling to my feet.

"It's been a while since I've fought hand-to-hand..." I coughed, wiping some blood from my lip.

"Give up and make it easier on yourself." He said, frowning down at me.

"Never!" I shouted, tackling him, smashing his back into the stairs and causing him to drop the rifle. He growled and slammed his fist, which felt more like a hoof, into my face, breaking my nose again.

_'Oh you mother fucker...'_ I thought with a growl, but was kicked off him and sent rolling down a few steps. As I got to my feet, the last thing I felt was something very solid smash into my temple, before going unconscious instantly.

**Author's Note: Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Short(ish) chapter, but meh. Plot development! Mini fight scene!**


	16. Waking Up Once Again

**Reviews:**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Yes, for realsies. Mark hasn't fought for two weeks, give or take a day. Softened him up by living on a farm.**

**iTealblast: True, but smiles are!**

**AnalPoptarts: Eh, probably should've clarified that. But I'll leave it there! Armor (to Mark) only looked like Twilight with having a paler color in his mane, just like her. Other than that, to Mark, he looks like anything except Twilight's brother. Didn't get a good look at Armor's ass tattoo before getting his ass handed to him by his doppelganger.**

**Mini Glossary:**

**Schisse: German for shit.**

I woke up in really bad pain. And blind. Did I mention that I was in pain and blind?

Whoever makes movies that show the main character get up like he didn't just get his ass handed to him needs to be shot. Jesus it hurt to move my head, but my nose was broken and I needed to fix it, and quickly.

'_Sonofafuck I hope I don't have to do that again...'_ I grimly thought after fixing my nose and holding back a scream this time. I knew that I was only trying to reassure myself, but I held onto the thought with an iron grip. Moving my hand around the ground, I noted that it was a little dusty and slightly glass-like. I also had my ceremonial sword in its sheath, but from what I could tell, my rifle was nowhere to be felt or found.

"Well that figures..." I muttered, and heard something shifting in the darkness. "Who's there?" I called out, slowly and painfully getting to my feet, a little drunkenly.

"I could ask you the same question..." A feminine voice replied.

"The REAL Princess Cadence?" I asked, shuffling towards her voice, not wanting to fuck my nose up again.

"Only if you can prove that you're not a Changeling." She replied.

"I just got the schisse kicked out of me. Even though I'm a Marine, I'm not afraid to admit it." I grunted, holding my aching side.

_'Unless another human ends up here for some reason...'_ I added in my head.

"Anyway, do you have a way of lighting up our prison? Bloody difficult when I can't see dick." I asked.

"I can tell you're not a Changeling, due to you using words that Timeithian knows. I know a spell, but it's a little wearing for long periods of time." Cadence replied, before slowly lighting up the cave, allowing our eyes to adjust. Cadence's magic aura was a somewhat light blue, which calmed me a little.

"So, what can you tell me about yourself while we're trapped down here?" I asked, poking around the walls.

"I'm the Princess of Love. I used to be a foal-sitter. I'm supposed to be getting married." She deadpanned at the last one.

"Who'd you babysit?" I asked, scraping at a suspicious dirt patch, getting crystal instead of a hole or something.

"A lot of Unicorns that live in Canterlot. From what Timeithian told me, you know one of them." She said.

"He prefers to be called Dawn." I said, pointing at her. "And how come you haven't tried to escape yet?"

"Magical interference and too weak at the moment even if I could." She admitted.

"Alrighty then. So, was the Unicorn I know Rarity?" I asked, glancing around again before drawing my sword and turning it into a sledgehammer.

"No, it wa-" She started, but was cut off as I smashed the 20 pound head into a wall, and let out a yelp of pain as I dropped the hammer, clutching my right arm. All I got for my efforts was a small chunk of crystal, the size of a golf ball.

"Note to self; don't try that again..." I panted, trying to feel my arm. All that I achieved was pain.

_'Yup. It's fucking broken...'_ I thought furiously.

"Are you alright?!" She asked, wearily getting onto her hooves and coming to me as I clutched the broken part as gently as possible.

"You wouldn't happen to know any healing magic, would you?" I asked, trying to ward off the pain. She shook her head worriedly, causing me to sigh. "Fuckin' figures... Well, I'm not alright at the moment. Impact broke my bloody arm. And Christ knows how long we're going to be down here..." I answered, frowning. Cadence looked very worried, but also looked confused.

"Who's Christ?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. I sighed and gingerly sat down, not wanting to rupture an artery and end my life.

"To know who Christ is, you have to know what religion is. Do you?" I started, looking up at her.

"No..." She muttered.

"Don't worry 'bout it, I'll explain. Celestia and Luna move the sun and moon, correct?" At her confirmation, I continued. "What if, one day, they just suddenly disappeared without a trace? But the sun and moon continued moving? Would you believe that they were still doing it?"

"Of course." She said, probably thinking I was dumb.

"You have no proof that they are! That's pretty much what religion is. A long time ago, some humans saw something extraordinary but couldn't explain it, so they made up gods for it. Gods were doing the same thing that Celestia, Luna, you, and Dawn are known for doing. Nobody except a few claimed to have saw them in person, but they worshiped them anyway." I said what I could remember about Egyptian and Greek gods. "Over time, religion branched out from many gods to one God, and the people who worshiped the one God were called Jews. From the Jews branched out Christians, who followed the Son of God, Jesus Christ. I'm an Atheist but I use Jesus' name from time to time without insulting His name. Don't know if there is really a God out there, but I honestly don't want to be on his bad side if there is." I explained.

"Hm..." She said, clearly delving deeply into her mind to think. I simply glared at the walls, wishing that I had my rifle at the moment.

_'Oh crystal wall, you're soooo bloody lucky my magical beating stick can't turn into a M79 'China Lake'...'_ I thought with a vengeance wishing them to explode. As if on some unknown command, they did, sending dust everywhere. When we finished coughing and the crystal dust faded, Twilight was standing there. Or a Changeling, but I wasn't taking my chances.

"If you're Twilight, you'll know why I didn't wear my cover on in the train." I said, unsheathing my sword with my good hand before she could react. If she wanted to, I wouldn't be able to keep a grip on the sword handle.

"You said it was because of some military tradition..." She said after a moment, eying the sharp object an inch from her face.

"This Cadence is the real one. We both got knocked out and trapped here." I explained, before painfully straightening my arm.

"What happened?!" Twilight asked worriedly. I shot a glance at Cadence, who mouthed,_ 'not a soul.'_ Pleased, I looked back at Twilight.

"Stairs seem to hate me. Mind fixing it?" I half pleaded. Twilight nodded and shot a purple laser at my arm, making it tingly and give off a small stab of pain before it fixed itself. Flexing my fingers, I looked past Twilight and noticed a tunnel.

"I should probably cast an endurance spell on you, along with a speed spell..." Twilight muttered, before doing so. "There, now you can keep up with us!" She declaired, before nodding at Cadence and running down the tunnel, me following. Due to Twilight doing her voodoo Unicorn magic upon my face, I was able to keep up with them easily. Then Cadence started singing.

"Why is she singing?" I quietly asked as Cadence stopped for a moment to rest, kneeling next to Twilight.

"I don't know." She replied just as quietly. As we went around the fucklarge caves, I only feared for my life once. We had to go down for some reason, using a mining cart. Well, I ended up flying at the end, and since I have neither wings or magic, I flew like a fucking rock. Twilight caught me though, causing me to sigh in relief.

"Figures..." I muttered as we stopped in front of a cave in.

_'Has to be another way out...'_ I thought, the _Hollywood Undead_ song coming to my mind for some reason. I shrugged inwardly as Cadence finished her song, and indeed saw another way out. Poking Twilight, I pointed up at the ledge that had the most beautiful thing I've seen today streaming out of it.

"There's sunlight up there. Think you can teleport the three of us?" I said. Twilight nodded, closed her eyes, and we appeared with a pop on another ledge, but this time there was a wide ass tunnel leading outside. My joy was interrupted quite suddenly, however.

"You're not going anywhere..." Three mares dressed up as flower girls omiously said, stalking closer to the three of us. I noticed that Lyra was one of them, along with Colgate.

_'I don't know which one of the two scares me more; Colgate or Lyra. Lyra's just interested in humans, while Colgate gave me the scariest grin a pony could give when I had a quick checkup two days ago. And the fact that I woke up three hours later with my mouth strongly tasting of mint didn't help. I CAN STILL TASTE MINT!'_ I thought at the speed of light, wearily watching as they got closer.

**Author's Note: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddd... Cliffhanger!**


	17. Discussions With Cheese Legs

**Reviews:**

**leon0666: I got this from a FanFic. Diaries of a Madman, if memory serves. I only really added it in because the main character gets bucked in the face by AJ while playing hoofball. Go read it, it has a fuckton of words, and is honestly one of my favorite FanFictions! (Has entire damn story downloaded to my computer. FML)**

**spartan1735: :J *Ego has been stroked***

**Dragon'z Wrath: Honestly, I cannot believe how long it took for someone to say 'fuck you' to one of my Cliffhangers. Props for being first!**

**iTealblast: I have no idea what that second half was about .-.**

**Ice assassin Ace: Sure! PM me these details;**  
**Name:**  
**Gender:**  
**Species:**  
**Allies with (It'll be for the side story I'm making for this one later on, when all of the human players are in. Only if you want me to, though.) (Dawn & Luna, or Celestia):**  
**Age:**  
**Height:**  
**(If Human for next 2)**  
**Military:**  
**Time Period (1900-2012):**  
**If they fall for somepony (Cannot be AJ, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, or Twilight):**

**Author's Note: I feel dirty. I just advertised a FanFiction that isn't one of mine. Eh, I'll get over it. And in 17 chapters, this fanfiction has hit 50 reviews! Thanks to Ice assassin Ace, I've hit my first review goal!**

I quickly thought up of a plan, and before Cadence or Twilight could do anything, I made my sword turn back to normal and opened a can of whoop ass upon the mares holding us back. They went down with a fight, of course. After about a minute of whirling around, dodging, kicking, and beating of the face and shins, I came out victorious.

"Fuck, my shins hurt." Was what I said, panting a little. Twilight looked upon me in pity, while Cadence opened her mouth.

"How could you go around and say profanities so easily?" Cadence asked, frowning at my vocabulary.

"Ma'am, I'm not from your world. My bloody world really didn't care how much I swore, unless I was swearing at them." I shrugged. "Need to go and stop the wedding. Twilight, I want to take care of my doppelganger myself." I requested. Twilight nodded, and a moment later there was a Marine, a student to Sunbutt, and a very pissed off Love Princess standing outside the wedding doors. We were a force to be reckoned with.

"Alright, here's the plan. Distract the one posing as Cadence while I go after mine. If Celestia somehow fails, don't worry about it." I said, before kicking open the door. We pretty much halted the wedding, right on time it seems. The Cadence imposer was shocked, to say the least.

"How did you get past my bridesmaids?!" She yelled across the room at us.

"Never leave a Marine with his weapon. It'll never end well for you." I yelled back. When I looked over at AJ, I saw that she was looking shocked, a little hurt, and plenty of guilty.

_'Wonder what's wrong with AJ?_' I thought. For some reason, I had put the crystal that I had chipped from the wall into my pocket, and I played with it while Cadence, Twilight, Imposer Cadence just started yelling at each other. Shining Armor was doing dick, which led me to the conclusion that he was brainwashed. Then Imposer Cadence burst into green flames, and when they died down, I got to see what a Changeling really looked like.

"She's a literal bug pony... Alicorn more like..." I muttered, before noticing something_ very_ important. "Oh shit, she's starving. She's a QUEEN, and she's starving..." I cursed, knowing that this changed everything, and drew my mighty pebble of doom. Celestia and Changeling Queen started duking it out with lasers, and I knew it was time to act. Hoping my aim was true, I pulled my right arm back before lobbing the pebble as hard as I could.

_'I know I don't believe in you God, but please let this hit where I need it to.'_ I silently thought, and almost shouted in victory when Celestia brought a hoof to her eye, distracted long enough for the Queen's laser to smash into her, knocking her down and having her crown dramatically fall off.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight shouted, bolting towards her fallen mentor. I took this as my cue to go inside further, heading towards the six as they prepared to bolt. As I did, a flash of light behind me caused me to bring my baton up and what I saw behind me scared the hell out of me. Not for my safety, but for all of the ponies inside. There was a sniper standing there, confused as fuck. Dressed up in full blown sniper gear, too. He had an M4 loosely held in his grip, an M24 strapped to his back, an M9 in a hip holster, night vision goggles, and I'm pretty sure he had a knife hidden somewhere on his lower body. All while covered in a green ghillie suit.

"Find somewhere to hide, I'll explain later. That's an order, PFC!" I hissed when I moved his ghillie suit enough to see his rank. He stared at me for a second, saw that I was a Corporal, and nodded, going through a doorway. I turned back just in time to see AJ pause in front of me.

"Mark, Ah have somethin' to tell ya..." She mumbled, causing me to kneel down.

"Yes?" I asked, eyeing the Queen out of the corner of my eye.

"Well... Ah'm not a virgin anymore... Yer imposer took advantage of me..." She mumbled, and I felt the fury of a thousand suns well up inside me. But I didn't blame her.

"Go get whatever you girls are rushing for. I'll take care of the Changeling." I said, holding back the anger from my voice.

"Applejack! Rarity!" Twilight yelled, and I noted that Rarity was catching falling dresses. AJ kissed me quickly before bolting out behind Rarity. Looking up at the various ledges, I saw that the sniper had taken refuge on one, his M24 pointing at the Queen and my imposer, but looking at me.

"When I point at him again, shoot the imposer. " I mouthed, pointing at the Changeling for emphasis. He barely nodded, and followed me as I walked a brisk pace down the red carpeting towards the small group. Spike was there, looking between me and the Changeling in confusion. Celestia was lying to the side, knocked out completely. Armor was standing next to Spike, and I didn't notice Cadence at the time.

"What and who do we have here?" The Queen asked, her voice colliding with itself. Half of it was a normal female voice, while the other half was pure insect.

_'Damn. If I wasn't with AJ, I'd probably want to go with her. Sexy as hell voice.'_ I thought.

"Could ask you the same thing." I replied. "You give me your name, I'll give you mine. I'll even throw in my species, if you want." I offered.

"I am Queen Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings." She answered.

"Corporal Mark Durnkinscoff of the USMC, EOD division. Species is Homo Sapiens, or less technically known as humans. You want to know what humans can do?" I replied, before pointing at the doppelganger of mine. He looked horrified just in time for his head and shoulders to become a green explosion of green blood, black exoskeleton, bug flesh, and brain matter. His body sailed for a good ten feet.

_'Intimidation; complete. Next phase.'_ I thought, before noting that Spike looked horrified. Poor lad has probably never even seen blood before.

"Now, I know what you're doing, more or less. Taking over Celestia's kingdom for food, due to you starving." I said. "What do you Changelings eat, anyway?"

"We eat emotions. Love is bountiful in Equestria." She replied, not even batting an eyelash at her fallen Changeling.

"Eh. Anyway, you're probably thinking that you beat Celestia fairly, correct?" When she nodded, I allowed myself to grin internally. "You would've lost, if I hadn't hit her in the eye with a crystal. I directly interfered with your fight, allowing you to win. Not because I respect you, but because I knew that she would've killed you if you lost."

"Why did you save me, then?" She asked, actually confused.

"Because if she would've killed you, she would pretty much kill off all Changelings. That's one thing I WILL not allow. She was going to preform Genocide, all because of you not asking for help." I explained.

"I did, though. Nine hundred years ago, but she turned me away without a second thought. I've lost so many subjects to starvation..." She said, and at this point, Dawn arrived. Spike bowed like the minion he was.

"We'll talk to the sniper later, Mark. Chrysalis, when Celestia pretty much metaphorically slapped you in the face, she was in a deep depression. It took her a hundred and fifty years to get her out." Dawn said, looking Chrysalis up and down.

"And who're you? I must admit, I haven't been keeping track of the Royal family, aside from Celestia and Cadence." Chrysalis asked.

"Prince Timeithian. Since I've returned, I'm in charge of the Equestrian Military." Dawn explained. Chrysalis nodded in respect to him, before turning to where the sniper was.

"And who is that?" She asked, pointing a hoof over at the ledge.

"Don't know. He just appeared behind me a few minutes ago. I'm sure he has his iron sights centered in between your eyes, though." I commented. "Alright, let's talk about a treaty here. Might as well help you and us at the same time, unless you want your race to die off." I said, getting serious instantly.

"It'll be like this, pretty much. You agree to help me when I call for it, we'll send criminals to you with enough love poison to off a normal pony." Dawn summed it up.

"You guys have potions and shit?" I whispered in Dawn's ear.

"Yea. The CMCs decided to make one during Hearts and Hooves Day. Valentines' Day, pretty much. Wasn't pretty. Who knew that when Big Mac was determined enough, that he could pull an entire bloody house?" He whispered back. I stared at him, but remembered that the Laws of Physics were mearly suggestions here.

"So, what do we do until the girls get back?" I asked.

"Might as well introduce ourselves to your sniper." Dawn said, shrugging. I then realized that Cadence was here, tied down by some sort of green shit.

"How in the crap did I not notice you?" I asked after I waved the guy down, looking at her. She attempted to shrug, but couldn't.

"I've been quiet. I don't need to say anything, really." She replied.

"Between you, Dawn, and Celestia, you're my favorite Princess. More down to earth. Haven't spent enough time with Luna yet, so I can't judge her." I said, before turning and eyeing the PFC.

"Corporal." He simply said, standing with his M4 back in hand, loosely held and a frown on his face.

"Name. Already know your rank." I said, getting to the introductions.

"PFC Duffy, sir." He said, giving me a salute.

"Corporal Durnkinscoff. You a Marine, Duffy?" I asked.

"Yes Corporal. Sniper division. Where the hell am I, and why are these weird horses talking?" He asked, giving a look over at Cadence, Dawn, and Chrysalis.

"Welcome to Equestria, Duffy." I said with a straight face, not even caring that he's saying my rank instead of 'sir'. "Population, a bunch of ponies and other shit." He just narrowed his eyes at me, but sighed and nodded.

"Alright. Guess it's not the worst place to live." He finally said, before going off to the side and started field-stripping his M9. As we waited for the others to return, I noticed that the Changeling that lost his head was still disguised as me, except for not having a head.

"Hey, Chrysalis? When a Changeling dies, why doesn't it turn back to its normal body?" I asked, looking at the bug Queen. She appeared to be deep in thought, so I spent my time trying to clear the shit from Cadence's hooves. "And when they come back, you should release Armor from the mindfuckery." I added, barely looking up before going back to my self induced task.

**Author's Note: I hope I got Duffy like you wanted. If not, PM me and give a more detailed account of how he should act! (to Duffy's creator. You know who you are.)**


	18. Bloody Castle

**Reviews:**

**LexiconHuka: *Le ego hath been stroketh***

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**buttershoes: Thanks!**

**iTealblast: Thanks! I take it Duffy made your standards with what interactions I used him with?**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Oh, he isn't going to be the only other human. *cough*spoiler*cough***

**spartan1735: Thx.**

There were three important happenings; Celestia was hanged on the ceiling with a cocoon, while Shining Armor was released. Before he could do anything though, Chrysalis knocked him out. And Dawn left, saying he had something along the lines of 'military bullshit' to do. He said those exact words. And fuck you for reading my journal. If you're AJ though, I mean it literally.

"He would've probably attacked us as soon as he regained his bearings." Chrysalis said. I shrugged and looked down at Cadence's hooves again.

"Be lucky I don't have a foot fetish." I muttered up at her.

"You're weird." She muttered back. I gave her a shit-eating grin and resumed my task, while Duffy just cleaned his weapons. At one last wipe, I had freed Cadence. Just in time for the six mares that left about thirty minutes ago come back in, escorted by about fifty Changelings.

"Overkill much?" I muttered.

"I had every available Changeling invade the city." Chrysalis explained. I rolled my eyes and watch as five of them glared at Chrysalis, while AJ looked over at the body of my doppelganger in horror.

Chrysalis looked down at my chest in confusion for a split second. "Why is your shirt bulging ever so slightly?" She asked.

"Recorder that's solar charged. I keep a journal, and I have a shitty memory." I replied, before turning and actually looked at the six's expressions.

_'They've probably never seen a popped head before.'_ I grimly thought, wiping some green shit from my hands.

"Hey! Before you all get bitchy," I yelled, getting flinches when they looked at me, "she's not going to do anymore bloody harm. We had a nice little 'chat' and she's passive until someone goes full retard and fucks this treaty up." I said, the second half with a glance up at the wrapped up Celestia.

"How can we be sure she didn' brainwash ya?" Applejack hesitantly asked, looking up at me with a little fear. None of them noticed Duffy, though.

_'Shit, that ghillie suit's good if it's green and they can't see him.'_ I thought, before tapping next to one of my eyes.

"Irises aren't lime green. Shiny's were." I said. "Same color as Chrysalis' eyes, anyway." I added, jabbing a thumb in the Changeling Queen's direction. At a wave of her left cheese leg, the Changelings surrounding the mares backed off and waited for further orders.

"Would you care to take them to the entrance to the crystal caves?" Chrysalis asked of me.

"Only if I could get a companion or two. Fuck, I was knocked out by one of your bloody spies. I admit, I haven't gotten into hand-to-hand combat for a while, so I was a little bit out of touch." I then looked at Duffy.

"I guess I'll come..." He sighed, getting to his feet.

"Good enough. Keep your M4 out, just in care we need it." I said, while noting that the Changeling had dropped my Kar98k somewhere nearby. I quickly picked it up, chambered a round, and nodded.

"Ya'll better be careful, ya hear?" AJ said to me quietly. I nodded and looked at the only Changeling in the room still, besides Chrysalis. The bug had a green saddle looking thing on it's back instead of blue, like Chrysalis did.

"Get the others to follow me. We're going on a little trip." I ordered. It simply nodded and buzzed outside while Duffy and I walked out calmly. And my jaw dropped as soon as I saw the Changelings.

"Fuck..." Duffy muttered as we looked at the thousands of Changelings floating above the castle. I shook my head and pointed at the hole that Cadence, Twilight, and I came out of.

"Put them in there until Chrysalis comes to get you." I said. The Changeling that I sent ahead nodded, and ordered the fuckton of Changelings down there before following.

"Well... What now?" Duffy finally said, looking over at me.

"Go back inside and chill?" I suggested, getting a shrug. "And you won't need the ghillie suit. Can't imagine that it's comfortable in it." I got another shrug.

_'Introvert much? Hasn't said much since he arrived.'_ I thought, but shrugged back and walked inside. AJ was the first to come over to me, giving me a rather tight hug.

"I told you I would take care of him." I muttered.

"Did'ja have to kill him?" She asked, looking at me.

"Trust me; if I had my way he would still be alive, except he would be wishing that I killed him." I said, deathly serious. Applejack gulped and weakly nodded, letting go of me.

_'Shit. Wrong thing to say.'_ I thought, mentally facepalming.

"I'm sorry for scaring you AJ, but I'm not lying." I apologized.

"Ah know, sugarcube. That's what worries me..." She muttered the second half, but I heard it anyway. I internally winced, but decided to say nothing, instead standing back up and clearing my throat.

**"You're staying at the castle tonight, and will still be attending the wedding, which is being done in two days."** Dawn said, but didn't appear.

"Well, I guess I could show you all to some guest rooms..." Twilight said after a moment, rubbing her chin with a hoof. I found it hilarious that none of them noticed Celestia, who was awake by now.

"Wait for me in the hall." I said, waving them off. They did so cautiously, and I turned to Chrysalis.

"Yes?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Two things. Don't fuck with them, and you're able to leave now. Just don't try some shit like this again." I said, before going to the massive doors.

_'If I was a complete dick, I'd leave Celestia up there...'_ I thought, wanting to do just that.

"You should take Sunbutt down, too. Can't imagine that it's comfortable up there." I said, before slipping out and joining the others. We ambled around for a little while, pretty much getting lost several times.

_'How in the fuck is the castle this big? I swear, we passed that kitchen TEN TIMES ALREADY!'_ I thought, before Twilight led us down a new hallway.

"Everypony can just take an unoccupied room." She said, looking back at us.

"Pick a random one, AJ." I said as the others chose theirs.

"How about this one?" She asked, opening a door. And quickly shut it, a deep blush across her face. "Never mind..." I face palmed and nudged open a different door, thankfully getting an eyefull of empty room.

"Might as well copy down today's journal. Glad that I still have my backpack. Had a notebook and quill in it." I muttered, unslinging my rifle and backpack while kicking the door shut. AJ flopped down onto the bed while I got undressed and eased my recorder off of my chest, wincing as I lost a few hairs. After listening to the recording, I put my notebook back into my backpack and threw it in a random direction before joining Applejack in bed.

**Author's Note: This is a note by the author. I'm on a boat. PENIS. And school's out, so Stephan can actually help me write this more often! (He's doing all the bloody work, until we eventually get to the sex scenes.)**


	19. The Third

**Reviews:**

**buttershoes: Thanks, bro. /)**

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**iTealblast: I'll hopefully have more chapters coming out now that it's summer.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Thanks!**

**spartan1735: That's the first video review that I've gotten. srsly.**

The next morning, I woke up before AJ for once. I was pleasently surprised.

"Huh. Well, might as well take a walk..." I muttered, sliding out of bed and getting dressed. Once done, I left the room as quietly as possible after scribbling a note for AJ, telling her where I went. I put the note on her face, so she wouldn't miss it. What surprised me in the hallway was a Princess. Not Cadence or Celestia, but a tired looking Luna.

"Greetings, Mark." She said, before yawning.

"Aren't you tired? Go to sleep." I said. She looked guilty about something, and glanced in the direction of Duffy's room.

"I will, but I have something to discuss with you first." She said, and beckoned me to follow. I shrugged and complied, matching her stride with my own. As I walked, I noted that I needed to get my uniform repaired, and decided to ask this of Rarity.

_'Now, what does she want to talk about?'_ I thought, rubbing my chin in thought. She answered my unspoken question several seconds later.

"I have to tell you something about the other human." She said, causing me to look at her.

"Yes, Luna?" I rose my eyebrow.

"I... Might have brought him here by accident..." She said sheepishly, looking down.

"Thought that only Dawn could do that." I said, mildly surprised.

"I was asleep at the time. My powers amplify during the night and in my dreams." She explained.

"Well, at least he's another United States Marine Corps soldier. I won't feel as lonely now, with another soldier to talk with. Even if he tends to stay away from others..." I said, muttering the last part to myself.

"You mean, you're not angry at me?" She asked, surprised. I stopped and looked at her in her teal eyes.

"No, lass. If anything, I'm glad. You brought a dead soldier of my country here, in a land full of relative peace. He'll stick out like a white man in a black bar, but that's besides the point." She didn't get the reference. I'm pretty sure anyone else besides Duffy will, except for Dawn.

_'Well, I can make as many racist jokes as I want to, but it's not funny if nobody gets it.'_ I thought, rolling my eyes internally.

"Anyway, if you bring anyone else into this country, make sure to tell me or Dawn first. Celestia would probably just kill them with extreme prejudice." I said. Luna smiled at me.

"Thank you for understanding." She said, before giving me a hug. I'll admit, I was surprised as hell to react. That, and the fact that I was holding most of her weight upon my body, it took all that I could to keep standing. I managed to get an arm around her, and awkwardly patted her back.

"You're welcome, Lulu." I said, making up the nickname on the spot. What happened next was so far into the left field that I was frozen in place.

"Auntie Lulu!" A colt screamed as he galloped towards us. What really killed my mind at the scene was that it was a mini Red Dawn. He had exactly the same colors, mane style, and was a fucking Alicorn to boot.

"Must you do this?" Luna asked, while I just stood there, frozen in place. The colt grinned evilly when he saw my facial expression.

"Wake the fuck up, Mark." He said, using words that children shouldn't know.

"How...?" I stammered, looking at him.

"This is actually my real form. I used a very tricky spell when Luna was Nightmare Moon, and for doing so, I ended up in a colt's body." He explained.

"You look smaller than Applebloom." I observed, rubbing my chin after regaining my wit.

"Don't remind me..." He muttered, frowning.

"So, what's with you being a stallion yesterday?" I asked, waving my hand around.

"He uses that form for important occasions. Queen Chrysalis was one of them." Luna interjected, looking around. "I might as well go and sleep... I'll see you two later, maybe?"

"Bye Auntie Lulu!" Dawn chirped with a retarded grin.

"Bye Auntie Lulu!" I said in the same tone, but got hit with a hoof for it. Damn, hooves hurt like hell. After I finished coughing up a storm, Dawn looked up at me with a blank expression.

"Don't do that again. Celestia and Luna barely tolerate me for it, because it's extremely hard to call them by their name when they're around. Something about this form pegged them as 'Auntie' in my head. Won't bloody go away for another 98 years or so. Anyway, I need to sleep, too. Bloody generals wanting to go attack Chrysalis..." He said before trotting off, leaving me alone in the hallway. That is, until Lyra literally popped out of nowhere, similar as to how Pinkie did when she rose forth from the ground at the picnic.

I managed to keep myself from screaming, but I never knew that I could jump backwards more than a few feet. Lyra giggled to herself before trotting over to me.

"I never knew that humans could jump like that!" She said excitedly, bouncing up and down in a way that reminded me a little of Applebloom.

"I didn't either, lass..." I muttered while looking around, before putting my back to the wall and sliding down until I was sitting. She sat down next to me in a very similar position.

_'Isn't that fucking uncomfortable for her? I mean, she's a fucking Unicorn!'_ I thought, but didn't say anything. I suddenly found my body craving something that I haven't consumed in a while.

"Hey, Lyra. Do you ponies have a drink called coffee?" I asked, also wishing for a cigarette. She looked at me, confused.

"No. Why?" Well, damn. There went my morning cup of joe for the rest of my new life.

"It's nothing, lass." I sighed. She frowned at my reply but didn't say anything, for the moment.

"Well, do you want to go get breakfast?" Lyra asked.

"Yea, I'll go get AJ and we can amble around this bloody castle until lunch time." I said, getting to my feet with a groan. We quickly picked up Applejack, quite literally on my part, and did as I commented before; wander around the fucklarge castle while looking for the kitchen.

"Um, could'ja let me down, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked once she woke up, slung over my shoulder as comfortably as I could get her. I stopped, bent down, and let her slide off.

"Now, could you help us find the kitchen? We're bloody hungry." I asked, waving at Lyra and myself. AJ narrowed her eyes when she saw Lyra, but nodded and led us in the direction in which we were going. Along the way, we ran into Rarity.

"Oh my! What ever happened to your uniform?!" Rarity gasped, recoiling a little at the state of said uniform.

"I'm surprised you didn't notice yesterday. I got into two fights, one with a Changeling and the other with Lyra, Colgate, and the other original bridesmaid." I explained. "And I spent an unknown amount of time in a cave, coating myself and Princess Cadence with dust." She seemed to shudder at the mention of dust, but I ignored her.

"Well... I could take it and repair it, if you'd like." Rarity offered.

"Seems fine with me." I said. She waited several moments, holding out a hoof. "OH! You want to do it now?"

"Yes, Mark." She replied, keeping her hoof stretched. I sighed and stripped to my skivvies, putting everything except the sword over her hoof. "Everything, please." I didn't understand, until I noticed that she meant my underwear too.

"Hell no! I'm uncomfortable enough as it is without the rest of my clothes!" I exclaimed, backing up. The three seemed confused as hell, and voiced as much.

_'...Sigh...'_ I thought, decided to give them a crash-course in human anatomy, and dropped my boxers. The reactions that were created hit my expectations right on the dot. All three blushed deeply, while Lyra and AJ had an unusually predator-like grin on their faces.

"On second thought...You can keep that on..." Rarity coughed after a second. I complied, slipping my boxers back on rather quickly.

"Incoming!" Dawn shouted from nowhere, as something crashed through the window and plowed into me, sending me and the unknown assaultant to the ground.

"What in tarnation!" Applejack shouted as something pooled around the pair of us, and it felt oddly familiar.

"Parachute?" Was all that came out of my mouth as I groaned and pushed the body off of me, trying my damnest to get out of the parachute. Then the realization of what, exactly, smashed into me hit me like a brick.

"Ugh..." Another human groaned, opening his eyes. I'm pretty sure he was in shock, and from what he saw I couldn't blame him. Two oddly colored unicorns, an orange earth pony, and an almost naked man were staring down at him. He promptly passed out, right there on the rug.

From what I could tell by his appearance was that he was a US Army paratrooper, 101st Airborne Division when I noted the patch on his suit. He was about 5'10", looked 22, and had a small blood spot on his forehead, with a small indent that made me thing that he was sniped while dropping in somewhere. Spread around us was a rifle, a pistol, and two grenades (which would've gone off by now if the pin was accidentally pulled).

"Grab those weapons, Lyra. I'll drag him into the nearest bedroom and make sure his condition's stable. Rarity, go with Applejack and get a lot of food; if I'm right, he's going to be very bloody hungry." I said, snapping into my serious mode at the drop of a hat. Without waiting for any vocal agreements, I wrapped my arms around the soldier's chest from behind and started dragging him, being careful of the parachute.

"Ah'll be right back, sugarcube!" AJ exclaimed as her and Rarity ran off, while Lyra picked up the fallen weapons in a dull yellow aura. I kicked open the nearest door, which was probably a bad thing because I made a certain purple unicorn jump out of bed in fright and almost lost half of my hair to a laser.

**Author's Note: And this is the third soldier to come to Equestria.**


	20. What do we have here?

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**LexiconHuka: My grandaddy did lose his nose to a parachute drop. Then again, it was shot off by a bullet.**

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**iTealblast: Danke, and remember how to spell 'nice'.**

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**Productive faffer: Ye found out about my alternate story! How?! (Yes, I am)**

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**spartan1735: How would you react if I brought the one and only M. Chief into the story? Just curious.**

**Guest: WELL then!**

"Twilight! Stand the hell down! I've got a wounded human here!" I shouted as she looked at me confusedly. "And don't question as to why I'm just wearing skivvies. Just, don't." I added, dragging the paratrooper (if the patch is authentic) further into the room, allowing Twilight to see him.

"What happened?!" She asked, hopping down from her bed.

"He crashed into the hallway through a window, landing on top of me. Help me get him onto the bed, sumbitch is heavy with all this gear." I grunted, not used to carrying two hundred pounds of unconscious meat and gear. With the help of a familiar purple aura, I managed to get the guy onto the bed, and proceeded to strip all of his shit off of him.

"What are you doing?" Lyra asked, popping up next to me.

"I'm checking for anymore wounds. It's possible that he could've been seriously cut up when he smashed through the window." I explained, wriggling him out of the parachute first.

_'And I'm checking for other bullet holes, just in case.'_ I mentally added.

"What's that smell?" Twilight suddenly asked, holding a hoof to her nose. Lyra did the same after sniffing, and I subconsciously sniffed too.

"Sulfur. It's found around active volcanoes..." I trailed off at the end when I got a good look at his uniform.

_'United States Army, 101st Airborne Division. Looks around WWII. Son of a bitch...'_ I thought.

"I'm pretty sure I know where he was when he died..." I muttered, slipping his shirt off.

"Where?" Lyra asked, having heard me due to being in very close proximity.

"An island in the Pacific called Iwo Jima. Our navy, marines, and army invaded it during World War II. One out of three men were casualties, mostly fatal. From the way he literally dropped in, I'm guessing that he didn't even feel the ground beneath his feet before he died." I explained, unlacing his boots and tugging them off to get his pants off.

_'One does not simply remove pants before the boots, after all. Managed it once, but it took a bloody long time.'_ **(True story, bro.)** I thought, before sliding his pants off and searching his uniform for his wallet.

"What're you doing now?" Twilight asked, standing on the other side of the bed.

"Checking for this PFC's identification." I answered, pulling what I was looking for out of his trousers. Flipping it open, I took a quick look at his driver's licence before placing it on the nightstand and neatly put his pants with the rest of his shit.

_'Alright. Name's Jeremy Williams. He's a Private First Class in the United States Army. Don't particularly get along with most of the Grunts, but I'll try my best to with him.'_ I thought, before looking back at Lyra.

"Lass, could you levitate his weapons to me?" I asked, holding an arm out. She nodded and passed them over, the grenades going first (which I was careful as fuck about), followed by his rifle and pistol.

_"That's a bigass knife..."_ I muttered in German, slipping into my other known language. The unicorns were confused, but I ignored them. Instead, I detached the 16 inch bayonet from the end of Williams' M1 Garand, placing it next to the grenades and the pile of ammunition I made. I manually ejected the clip from it, getting a metallic 'ping' in response. The pistol was an M1911, which I unloaded it and popped the bullet that was in the chamber, also going next to the pile of weapons.

"That's a lot of stuff..." Twilight muttered, looking over the weapons.

"Psh. That's considered light. Paratroopers didn't hold nearly as much ammunition on them, as the rest was airdropped along with them." I said. "Should've seen what the German MG42 squads had in the way of bullets. THAT'S a lot of stuff. Probably about 300 bullets per belt, and every man in the squad had one to three belts, with usually five men per squad." I shuddered a little, thinking of all the spraying and praying one squad alone could do.

_'Jeez. That would pretty much mean 'fuck you!' to whoever was on the receiving end of the barrel.'_ I thought, before flipping Williams over to check his back.

"Nope. Single bullet to the brain socket, just like I thought. He'll wake up soon feeling like hell, probably, but he'll be ticking like the rest of us." I finally said, putting him back on his back. After settling down in a chair, I looked at the unicorns.

"Yes?" Lyra asked, looking at me with a grin.

"You two might want to leave. If he wakes up and sees you two, there's no telling what he'll do. I'm safe, seeing as I'm a human." I said, waving them out. After they left, I had a thought and decided to get his measurements. Rather than look for a measuring tape, I simply slid on his uniform. The pants were a little short, where I could see my lower calves easily.

_'He's 2 inches shorter than me. That'll make him 5'10"...'_ I thought, stripping out of his clothes and decided to wait for Rarity to inform her.

**[Nighttime]**

"Sumbitch's taking too long to wake up..." I muttered, having spent all bloody day in Twilight's room with the unconscious PFC. Rarity and AJ arrived earlier with a bigass plate of apple products, and I pretty much told them the same thing as I told Twi and Lyra. I also gave Rarity his measurements and quickly drew a new dress uniform for him, considering that he's pretty much forced into a wedding. They left without the food, and I spent the rest of the day field cleaning his weapons to keep myself from boredom, eating only when my stomach decided to let its discomfort known.

"How is he?" A voice asked, causing me to look up from my chair. Luna had half her body in the doorway, looking in cautiously.

"Still knocked out. I'm not a bloody medic, but I can tell that he's still alive. Just knocked out." I replied, putting the M1911 back together within seconds. Luna looked impressed with my skill in maintaining the very familiar pistol.

"That's remarkable." She said, closing the door behind her.

"Had one just like this, before I got a faceful of evil flower." I replied, blowing a speck of dust off of the trigger guard. I watched as Luna walked up to Williams and tapped his bullet wound with her horn, and whatever voodoo shit she did woke him the fuck up.

"AGH!" He screamed, clutching at his head. I was out of the chair and at his side like a bullet, forcing him back down.

"Calm down, soldier!" I shouted, holding him tightly. He looked around in confusion, while Luna hid from his eyes.

"W-Where am I?" He asked after a moment, looking at me. "And why aren't you wearing clothes?"

"I'm ignoring the second one for now. First off, you're safe, so don't worry about being attacked. Second, you're not on Iwo Jima anymore." I answered. "What do you remember about the drop?"

"Uh... I remember seeing a gun firing below us when I jumped, and a sudden pain in my forehead..." He said, before his eyes widened. "A-Am I dead?" He quietly asked. I sighed, hoping to avoid this conversation for a while.

"Yes, Jeremy, you're dead. Someone who lives in this dimention decided you've deserved a second chance, though." I answered. "And he ain't human." I added.

"What do you mean by that? Did God do this?" He asked, slowly sitting up.

"Not really. Meet one of the rulers of the country we're in; Princess Luna." I said, waving her forward. She came out of the darkness with...

_'Holy shit, is she BLUSHING?!'_ I was very surprised, to say the least. Looking at Williams, I could tell that he was, too. _'Well then! Operation Shut-In is now a go!'_ Completely making up the name and operation, I got up and excused myself.

"I really need some sleep. I'll see you two later, perhaps at the wedding?" I called from the door. As soon as Luna started to come with me, I slammed the door shut and braced it as best as I could.

"Open the door, Mark!" Luna shouted from behind said door, after testing the door.

"I know what you think about Williams!" I shouted back. "Consider this a bonding experience, and try to get to first base!" I added, bracing again after she kicked it.

"Let me out!"

"It'll keep you from doing work." I deadpanned, offering the thing that usually motivated me when I felt lazy.

"...Fine... I'll stay in here for a while, I guess..." She finally said, succumbing to defeat, her feelings, and an excuse to stay away from prompous royal twits.

"Good girl. Stay in there as long as you want." I said, standing straight and waiting for a few seconds. The clopping of hooves told me that she was going deeper into the bedroom to talk to Williams.

_'Alright, now to find AJ...'_ I groaned, realizing that I had no clue as to where she was. I grit my teeth and started randomly opening doors, shutting them when I got closets, bathrooms, unoccupied bedrooms, and occupied bedrooms. When I thought I finally opened the right door...

"Get the fuck out of my office." Dawn said, throwing a stamp at my face. It was so far into left field that I just stared until the large DENIED stamp smashed into my face, downing me. As I struggled to get up, the door was magically shut and I looked in a nearby window, seeing DENIED stamped in red across my face.

_'...Fuck it. I'll just sleep right here...'_ I thought, pressing my back against the wall and closing my eyes, drifting off into sleep.

**Author's Note: Mark's doing some forced matchmaking! Wonder what he'll do with Duffy... *evil laugh***


	21. Wedding, Part 2

**Reviews:**

**Dragon'z Wrath: I'll go do that. Yea, he's going to, he hasn't yet because of all the shit that's going down.**

**Productive faffer: Luna will go FUS DO RAH on yo ass if you mention it around her.**

**R3v4nChr15t: 1) Won't. 2) I will.**

**LexiconHuka: Duck = kabursh.**

**iTealblast: olololololo.**

**Silver Shots: Thanks!**

**Author's Note: This chapter was written fully by Stephan. Just so you all know; he completely sucks at certain emotional scenes, so don't have high expectations with the discussion between AJ and Mark.**

I woke up with the feeling of a few pounds of cloth being dumped upon my crotch.

"Up and at 'em Jarhead. Get dressed, the wedding's starting in twenty minutes." Dawn said, looking down at me. "And wipe the ink off of your face." After he said that, I got a wet as fuck washcloth to the face. I quickly wiped myself down in various places, got my uniform on, and considered myself decent.

"...Still smell a little funny, but whatever..." I muttered, walking after Dawn, who was wearing what I figured was a pony's version of military clothing.

_'Looks like he's a General... More than likely self appointed...'_ I frowned.

"Did you appoint yourself as a General?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes, but I'm telling you one thing right now; I did it so I could get closer to my troops. Sure, they're intimidated by my rank, but if we went to war right now with the Griffons, I would be on the front lines alongside my men." He replied.

"The way it works with my military, the Generals stayed behind the front lines and commanded their forces that way. It was pretty effective, but information could take its sweet time to get to them, and sometimes say something other than what is really going on." I said. Dawn hmm'd at that, but didn't comment. **(Stephan here; don't really know how US military works, so correct me if this is wrong. Mark doesn't work anywhere near the nearest General, so eh.)**

"We're here. I really don't know if Chrysalis will do anything, but be prepared for anything." He said when we slipped in a back door, ending up behind Celestia in the wedding hall. She was the pastor, for some reason. Duffy and Williams were standing around near her, looking slightly confused.

"Alright, here's the plan. Duffy, go up on one of the overlooks and set up shop. Williams, you're on the other side of this bloody hall. I'll be near Cadence, but be ready to protect the shit out of her. Any questions?" I said. There were none, so I sent them on their way. Williams managed to find a chair near the big ass doors where I posted him and promptly sat down. It took me a minute to find out where Duffy set up shop; he was right above me and lying down so it would be hard to see him.

"It's about to start." Dawn said to me about a minute before Cadence was supposed to make her entrance. Shiny and Twilight took their positions about three feet from me, and the bridesmaids were across from us by about ten feet. The ceremony started and I pretty much spent the entire time making faces at AJ and Dash, while Twilight kept giving me small glares.

The wedding was alright. The flower girls, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom were cute as hell. As soon as it was over, I hijacked Applejack from her friends and managed to secure a side room to have a discussion in relative privacy.

"What's this about, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked once I secured the door.

"I'm pretty sure you know AJ." I answered, keeping my voice even while not facing her. She sighed and I heard her scuff the floor with a hoof.

"Yea... Ah know what ya mean..." She hesitantly said.

"That said, I don't really care. I mean, I'm not a virgin, and you're not. We're both experienced." I suddenly said, turning around. She had a look of shock, that's for sure.

"Ya... Ya ain't mad at me?" She slowly asked.

"Why in the hell would I be mad at you? You thought that Changeling was me, and you thought you had sex with me, until I popped up at the wedding. If anything, I'm mad at myself for getting my ass handed to me from a bug." I answered truthfully. "Hell, if anything, it makes our bond a tad bit stronger."

"What do ya mean?" She was sounding a lot more relaxed, now.

"We both went through a hardship and our relationship is still intact. We still love each other." I explained, getting on my knees and spreading my arms out. She got the idea and settled herself in for a hug, and stayed there for quite a while. If I had to take a guess, we were in that position for a good ten minutes.

"Yo! Get your asses out here, Luna's looking for Mark!" Dawn shouted from behind the door.

"I'll be out in a minute!" I called, before turning to Applejack.

"Ah love ya..." She whispered. In my response, I smiled and kissed her deeply. She blushed furiously when I pulled away, but had a goofy grin on her face. I bopped her on the nose and ran out before she could retaliate against me. Dawn shook his head at me and turned into colt Dawn, before bounding off like an idiot.

"The shit I see nowadays..." I muttered, jogging after him. The next thing I know, I'm faceplanting and Dawn is laughing dementedly.

"Well now! So that's what you look like when you're a pony..." He muttered, probably circling me.

_'Oh schisse...'_ I thought, cracking open an eye to see a familiar tan hoof where my hand was.

"DAWN!" I shouted, furious at him. I'm pretty sure that being a filly didn't seem very intimidating, as he gave me a shit-eating grin.

"Gotta catch me to get turned back!" He shouted, zipping off. I growled and struggled to my hooves. And suddenly, Twilight!

"Oh, what's a filly like you doing down here?" Twilight asked, appearing when I finally got walking on four legs down again.

"Uh, I was just looking for Princess Luna..." I hesitantly said, looking up at her. She looked confused, but smiled a little.

"She's probably asleep right now... Uh, what's your name?" She asked. I racked my brain for what I called this body, said fuck it, and made a new one up on the spot.

"It's Sand Dune..." I said, scuffing the floor with a hoof. She was about to say something, but there was a weird sounding explosion and a weird ass rainbow appeared in the window next to us. I would say that I didn't jump three feet into the air and let out a yelp, but Twilight still holds that over me.

_'That... was fucking random.'_ I thought, shaking my head. Twilight said something and started leading me somewhere.

"Could you take me to Prince Timeithian then?" I hesitantly asked, looking up at her with my big ass eyes. I made them water a little, giving Twilight a look that could probably rival Applebloom's. Her possible protest dissolved as she sighed and nodded, continuing to walk me somewhere. We were outside when I spotted my target.

"Thanks, love." I said in my best impersonation of my own voice, bolting towards the Alicorn colt before she could respond. I noticed that Duffy was eyeing me cautiously, considering that I was creeping around and he didn't know who I was. When I managed to get up next to Dawn, I stabbed his ass with my horn and gave him a shit-eating grin.

"Turn me the fuck back. Now." I growled. He simply giggled before doing his voodoo magic and I stood up straight, glad to still have clothes on. I cracked my neck and noticed that everyone in the garden that I was in was staring at me.

_'Oh. Right.'_ I mentally facepalmed, before sighing.

"Two ponies walked into a bar. The third one ducked." I said, smirking when most of the guests groaned at my terrible joke and went back to whatever they were doing.

"Christ almighty..." Williams muttered as he walked over to me along with Duffy.

"Ran into an evil flower patch when I first arrived here. Apparently, that pretty much gave me another form." I explained.

"Evil flower?" Duffy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"This world doesn't work like Earth. Mythical creatures are common here, as you can tell by the unicorns and pegasi blathering around us. Magic is another example of how different the worlds are." I explained further. He seemed to approve of the explanation by nodding.

"So, why did you turn into a girl unicorn?" Williams asked.

"Don't rightly know. And here it's 'filly', not 'girl'. Foal instead of kid, because everyone would think you're talking about a goat." I said, shrugging. As night fell, the three of us idled around, watching the ponies do what they consider dancing.

_"Jesus, they're simply pushing up against each other with their chests..."_ I muttered, running my hands over my shaved head. Williams looked at me worriedly, and I silently cursed.

"I'm not a Nazi, I was born about fifty years after you were." I said, looking around. "I'm in the USMC, dealing with explosives." I added. He looked a little confused.

"Like mortars?" He asked.

"Not really. I work more alongside roadside bombs and the like. You're lucky you were born when the Nazis and Japanese didn't bury homemade bombs in the road for us to drive over. I safely disposed of them right where they were." I explained, getting a little more in depth of what I did for him. Duffy didn't need the explanation, as he was from my time period.

"Hello everypony, did I miss anything?" Luna asked suddenly, touching down next to us.

"I won't really answer that, considering that I'm not a pony." I muttered.

"Nothing major, Lulu." Williams said with a small smile.

_'Christ, I would've gotten kicked for that. And he gets a fucking blush for it!'_ I thought, rolling my eyes. I still grinned though, patting Williams' back.

"You hooked a good mare, man. Treat her like she's the only woman alive." I muttered in his ear, before walking off to find the DJ.

'Wondering where she is? Then again, the DJ could be a guy, too...' I thought. Pinkie Pie answered my unspoken question by dragging a white unicorn mare from nowhere and shouted.

"Let's get this party started!" With that, music came out of the speakers and Twilight started singing. I admit, she was a really good singer. As I listened, I noticed that the DJ lifted her purple shades up and had some of the most beautiful red eyes that I've seen.

_'If I wasn't with AJ, I probably would offer to bed with her.'_ I thought, rubbing the stubble that crept upon my face. I just shrugged and decided to enjoy the night that sadly didn't contain booze.

It was alright, for a wedding.


	22. Wait, what?

**Reviews:**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Shit yes! Red eyes are very hard to come by in everything that isn't albino.**

**LexiconHuka: You're thinking of Dash's eyes. Scratch's eyes are red.**

**Sgt. Mufflebuns: If you did, you changed your name.**

**AnalPoptarts: I shot my brother's Xbox, you don't want my help. Srsly.**

**Mikisanji: PM me the details for the OC!**

**iTealblast: No worries, bro. It doesn't matter how long it takes a reviewer to review!**

**Productive faffer: Luna knows the ancient and graceful art of the spam.**

The next morning, I woke up next to Applejack.

_'I don't even remember what the fuck happened.'_ I thought, putting my hands to my face. That's when I noticed that my crotch was wet, I didn't have pants on, the room smelled like sex, and AJ had a small grin plastered upon her face.

"Welp... Just lost my streak of not fucking in this world, I guess..." I muttered, sliding out of bed with a groan. I slid some pants on and stumbled into the bathroom, trying my best to keep from faceplanting.

_'Whatever I ate or drink is seriously fucking with me...'_ I thought, staring at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit, even to myself. I don't even know where that mild gash on my cheek came from, but I could see into my mouth through it. It wasn't bleeding, which was a good sign.

"Might as well find a unicorn and get this fixed..." I muttered and got cleaned up before sliding some pants on. I left a note for AJ, placed it in the same place as the last one, and slipped out without waking her up. As I turned around, I saw Dawn looking at me with caution.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Like shit. What did you do to me?" I answered, narrowing my eyes.

"I didn't do anything. Luna slipped something in a drink that was supposed to go to Williams. It was supposed to be a relaxant." He explained.

"Well, it wasn't. I don't remember anything after the wedding, I feel like shit, and I have a gash in my cheek wide enough as to where I can see my pearly whites through it." I said.

"You want me to heal that for you?" Dawn asked, already pointing his horn at my face.

"Nah, I'll just take some stitches when we get back to Ponyville. Speaking of which... Williams going to be coming with us, or staying?" I asked, changing the subject.

"With the way he and Luna are acting around each other, he's fucking staying. Your God knows that she needs a special person in her life." Dawn commented.

"I'm an Atheist, I have no God."

"Sorry." He apologized.

"Fuck if I care, man. Hell, when I was back on Earth, I automatically assumed that everyone I met was Christian, until they proved me wrong. Didn't bring the topic up, just quietly assumed." I shrugged and looked around.

"So, what about Duffy?" Dawn finally asked.

"Coming with me, I saw the small looks that he gave Dashie. He likes her, he just doesn't know it yet." I said after a moment, making sure said sniper wasn't within earshot.

"Are you going to play matchmaker with them, like you did with Lulu and Williams?" Dawn asked, grinning.

"Nah. That was a spur of the moment thing, and I knew that neither would dare do anything. Williams wouldn't because he was only awake for a bleedin' half hour, and Luna wouldn't because she hasn't caught up with modern times." I answered, shrugging again.

"Alright... Well, I have an offer for you; any humans that appear here from now on get my personal protection no matter where they are, in exchange for one thing from you." He said.

"Deal." I said immediately.

"Just like that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Just like that. I would give my life if it meant that others would keep theirs. It's why I joined the Marines, after all." I answered.

"I'm not going to be that demanding and you know it, General." He said, causing me to freeze.

"...What did you just call me?" I quietly asked.

"From this day forth, you are now a general in the Equestrian Military." He said with a shit-eating grin. I felt like bitch-slapping it off of him, but refrained from doing so.

_'EOD personnel generally don't become generals... Especially with the history I have in the Marines. Still can't believe that Frank blamed me for the flashbang in the latrines after lunch...'_ I thought, sliding a hand over my face.

"...Fine..." I sighed. "How many stars?" I asked after a moment, looking at him.

"Five stars. Most generals are." He said, raising an eyebrow.

"Nope, I'm not accepting that. Marines don't even have a five star general, every military personnel from the United States who comes here won't buy it for an instant. One star." I said, shaking my head.

"But, I'm the only one star general!" Dawn exclaimed, raising both of his eyebrows so high, that if they went any higher they would fly off.

"Change the roles, then. It'll be easier for me in the long run, at least. Be a five star general, and switch the roles around. Five stars become one, four become two, and three stay the same. It'll be the only way I'll join, after all." I demanded.

"Fine..." Dawn finally said, nodding his head slowly. "Welcome to the Equestrian Military, General Durnkinscoff." He held out his hoof, which I grasped.

"I'm requesting my own task force, sir." I said right after I shook it. He grinned at me.

"Request accepted. When do you want the troops?" He asked. "And cut the 'sir' stuff while I'm not in uniform." He added.

"As the humans come. Don't strain yourself over me." I said, letting go and stepping back.

_'If my CO was here, he'd have a fucking heart attack.'_ I thought, getting a slight grin from the image.

"Alright, we're going to have to set you up an office in the barracks, but I can do that myself. Aren't you all leaving today?"

"I guess." I shrugged. "It depends entirely upon AJ and the lot of 'em."

"Here; leave your uniform here and I'll get it modified according to your rank." He said after teleporting a small pile of my clothes and a pair of boots. "Give Duffy the other of everything, you're both build roughly the same." He added as I pulled up two pairs of blue jeans with a raised eyebrow. As I threw one over my shoulder, my cap teleported into being on Dawn's back.

"Alright. I'll see you later?"

"Of course. I live in Ponyville, after all." He waited until I stripped and handed over the uniform before trotting off to fuck around with my clothes, while I quickly slid my clothes on.

"Here, put these on." I said as I threw the set of clothes into the room that Duffy was staying in. I shut the door before he could respond and went to get some breakfast.

_'Could really use a plate of bacon and a cup of coffee right now... Vegans everywhere can eat their hearts out.'_ I thought as I ambled around once again.

**Author's Note: Kinda short, but meh. I feel like I'm cheating out a lot of OC owners with making Mark a general, but fuck it. Not like he's a complete dick and will hold his rank unless absolutely necessary...**


	23. More People and Arrangements

**Reviews:**

**iTealblast: What do you mean, bro?**

**Productive faffer: Luna's Spam: Infinite. U mad bro? She can keep this up all day.**

**buttershoes: Do I look like a hardass to you?! Can the saluting shit, I'm not in uniform!**

**LexiconHuka: Actually, the Marines only have four star generals and lower. They're the only branch of the (Main, not counting CG) Military that doesn't have a five star general during war time.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: My orders are simple, assbag! Make this story into a sandwich only using your right toenail!**

About three hours later, the other two humans and I were standing outside the train that was heading back to Ponyville.

"You sure you want to stay here? Celestia probably won't like it." I said to Williams, who only had his M1 Garand held loosely in hand. Duffy looked around for a second with a frown on his face, before going inside the train car with the others.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Williams asked. As if Dawn was listening to him, a flash of light blinded us and I felt another body slam into me, sending us to the ground.

"YOU HAD TO ASK!" I shouted, clutching at my nose, which was broken yet again. Someone on top of me groaned before rolling off and to the side. As I stopped moving, I found out that I was very wet, and there was water pooling next to me.

"Ugh..." The unknown person coughed, before retching and getting more liquid on me.

"Please, Williams, tell me that isn't vomit..." I groaned, blinking the whiteness away.

"It's water, actually. And I've never seen a British uniform like that before, either." The paratrooper responded, probably kneeling next to me.

"Wh-Where am I?" The guy asked with a mild Scottish accent.

"On a train platform. What happened to you, soldier?" I responded, sitting up and shaking water off of me.

"I... Fell off of a ship and into the ocean. My combat suit dragged me down... Oh God, am I dead?" He muttered. Once I was able to see clearly, I was able to get a good look at him.

'Jesus, that's the Ranger Combat Armor from Fallout!' I thought, shaking my head and looking again. He had a British flag, but colored black grey and white, on the shoulder facing me, a mask that looked like it attached to the helmet was on the ground, and the armor was black.

"Yes and no. You've been given a second chance at life, but you're not on Earth anymore." I answered as I looked around us. There was an AA-12, a .357 Rex magnum revolver, 2 hand grenades, and what looked like breeching charges scattered around us. I scrambled to make sure the grenades weren't hot, before putting the explosives into my backpack with the grenades that I've confiscated from Williams. I was very lucky those two didn't become hot, either.

"Well... Where the hell is here, anyway?" He asked, collecting his weapons as Williams helped me to my feet. After securing said weapons, he slid on the mask, confirming my suspicions.

"A land of colorful talking ponies, my British 1st lieutenant." I said as seriously as I could. "Welcome to Equestria." I then slid open the door to the train behind me so he could see inside. Standing right behind the doorway was Twilight, Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy. Fluttershy probably knew my nose was broken due to her freaky animal voodoo stuff. AJ was concerned about me, and the other two were looking at the Scot with awe in their eyes.

"Huh..." He muttered, staring down at the four.

"Before I forget; what's your name?" I asked, turning to him.

"1st lieutenant Blake Mactavish of the British SAS special forces. And you?" He answered.

"Mark Durnkinscoff, used to be a corporal of the USMC EOD division, but now I'm a General in the Equestrian Military." I answered, giving him a nod. Williams blinked and gave me a salute when I turned to him, causing me to sigh. "Do I look like a hardass to you? Can the saluting shit, I'm not in uniform."

"Sorry, sir." Williams said, lowering his hand.

"And cut the 'sir' crap. I worked for a living back on Earth." I said, before waving him off. "Go on and do shit with Luna, we'll be fine." Williams nodded and jogged back towards the palace, avoiding the Day Guards that were watching him with a suspicious look. Blake just sighed, shook his head in defeat or something, and stepped onto the train, me following after him. While I stepped onboard, I quickly realigned my nose and supressed a scream of pain.

_'This is getting way too common...'_ I thought with distaste.

"Are you okay?" Fluttershy quietly asked as I took a seat near Applejack, looking at the blood on my face.

"Not really. I broke my nose again, but fixed it, and the gash on my face could use some stitches." I answered, before locating Rarity. "Hey, Rarity! You have a needle and some white thread?" I called out, getting her attention.

"Why yes, I happen to have some. Why do you ask?" She said, raising an eyebrow.

"Need it for something practical. You'll get the needle back, I promise." I replied, holding my hand out. She levitated some thread and a needle into my open palm, while Blake looked at the needle as if it was going to go flying into his throat. If Duffy gave any less of a fuck, he'd be giving negative fucks.

"This'll sting a little..." Fluttershy calmly said once I handed the makeshift stitching supplies to her, turning my head to the side softly.

"I've had worse." I said without moving my mouth, wincing a little as I felt sharp metal going through my face. While my face was getting punctured, I looked over at Blake to see him trying to talk to Duffy.

"It looks like it'll hold, but when we get back I want to restitch it, if that's okay with you..." Fluttershy said when she finished, getting quieter at the end. I smiled rassuringly and nodded, before turning towards Applejack.

"How're you doing?" I asked, poking her shoulder.

"Ah'm doing fine, sugarcube. Ah'm more worried about ya, at this point." She responded.

"Considering that I was drugged last night, I could be worse off." I answered. She looked very down, and I internally facepalmed.

"So... Ya didn't want to do... that with me?" She whispered, looking down with an expression that just said 'sad'. I sighed and put an arm around her back, forcing her to get closer to me.

"That's not what I said, Applejack. I didn't want to have sex so soon, but I wasn't thinking of not bonding with you further. I was just hoping for our relationship to develop a little more, before we got that far." I said, rubbing her ear with my only thumb. She seemed to sag in relief and closed her eyes, feeling content with me fucking around with her ears.

**[At the train station in Ponyville]**

I was the first one off, looking around the platform before nodding to myself.

"Perfect; nobody out here just yet." I muttered, waving Blake and Duffy out.

"What's the plan, Mark?" Duffy asked, looking around.

"Going to secure you two a place to stay. Dash, you willing to put up with Duffy?" I asked, turning to the cyan pegasus.

"Uh, he's not able to stand on clouds though, right?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Twilight, you able to do a spell for him?" I asked, looking at her.

"Yes, if Duffy'll come with me to the library I'll be able to cast it." She said. At my nodding, the three walked off, leaving me, Blake, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack standing around. Pinkie went off to make up a 'Welcome to Equestria' party for us humans. Well, the ones in Ponyville, anyway.

"Rarity, you willing to put up with Blake here?" I asked the unicorn, turning to her.

"Why of course! It can get very lonely with only Opal for company..." Rarity exclaimed, beaming up at Blake.

"She'll probably want your measurements, so give them to her when you two arrive at Carousel Boutique, which doubles as her home." I muttered to Blake, who nodded.

"Alright lass. Show me our home, then." Blake said to Rarity, who trotted off with him in tow.

"I need a beer so much right now..." I muttered, running my hands over my face.

"There's a bar in town, actually." Applejack said, causing my attention to snap towards her.

"Where." Was all that I said. It wasn't a question, it was a demand.

"Outskirts, near Fluttershy's cottage. Since you're going towards her place anyway, Ah don't really need to show ya..." Applejack informed me.

"Thanks love. You sure you don't want to come with me?" I offered, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah don't hold my alcohol that well..." AJ muttered, blushing. I shrugged.

"It's alright with me. Not everyone's made for drinking." I said. "Well, shall we go off then?" I asked of Fluttershy.

"Okay." She said in that quiet voice of hers.

An hour later, I was enjoying a few of Ponyville's finest brews.


	24. Damnit Dawn!

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A few days later, I decided to take a walk through town. Dawn had to screw that up for me, of course.

**"You have some more soldiers coming, Mark."** He said in my mind. He gave me just enough time to look away from where I thought they would be appearing before a flash of light blinded everybody around me. Instead of a body stumbling into my as I thought would happen, something very different happened instead.

With the flash of light came a screeching sound, a flash of tan, and I caught a good amount of air before landing on my back. Next came extreme pain. Just from the pain, I knew that I had a broken arm, shattered ribs, and my lower spine was broken, since I couldn't feel anything past my waist.

_'Holy shit, did I just get fucking run over?'_ I thought, before coughing blood up all over my chest and face._ 'And add a punctured lung or two to the list of injuries...'_ I weakly added, the light slowly fading from my vision.

"Oh shit! Callum, I know you're not a fucking medic, but try and help him!" A guy shouted, kneeling next to me. From my limited vision, I noted that the human was a United States Army soldier, rank of Master Sergeant. Couldn't tell the skin color.

"H-Hey..." I coughed, struggling to stay awake. Fuck, was that hard. I was forcing both my conscious and subconscious minds to keep me from slipping into the darkness, less I never wake.

"Stay awake, man! Callum, get the fucking first aid kit!" He shouted, looking behind him.

"Hospital... Somewhere behind us..." I muttered, trying to point behind me. I only succeeded in getting more blood on my shirt.

"Stay with us! Never mind the kit Callum, help me get him in the trunk!" Master Sgt. said, before gingerly grabbing my armpits and dragging me towards the vehicle. He also succeeded in sending jolts of pain through my body. My vision went dark for a moment, and when I could see again, I was getting carried on a stretcher into the hospital, another human in front of me.

"What's... Your name? And rank?" I asked of them.

"Master Sergeant Rick Duran. The Ranger at your head is Sergeant First Class Fredrick Callum. And you?" MS answered, probably keeping me awake by making me talk or something.

"General Mark Durnkinscoff, USMC and EM." I answered, watching as several pony doctors rushed to my side. "Applejack's going to hurt me..." I muttered under my breath, while the stretcher was taken from Duran and Callum. They kept walking alongside me.

"Ah, shit! I ran over a superior officer, even if he's in a different branch..." Callum swore, but patted my good shoulder reassuringly.

"So, what happened to you two?" I asked, barely awake at this point. I was losing a lot of blood, and I knew it.

"We dead or something?" Was the question to mine.

"Yea. Dead soldiers are being sent here for a second chance." I started, but sent a mouthful of blood onto one of the Nurses (Redheart, I believe). I groaned and continued anyway. "I died in an explosion, myself. You remember how you two died?"

"I got a bullet to the neck, I think." Duran answered with a shrug, before looking at Callum.

"RPG through the windshield. If we came back to life, how come the other three in the Humvee are still dead? And why is the Humvee with us, along with all of our gear?" Callum asked, confused.

"Don't -cough and more blood- know... Ask Red Dawn when he comes... You'll know by the horn and wings..." I coughed some more, before slumping down and finally losing consciousness.

**[Undisclosed amount of time later]**

"Oh my aching everything..." I groaned, opening my eyes and instantly regretting it.

_'TOO MUCH FUCKING WHITE!'_ I thought, trying to bring my hands to my face and failing. At first I thought that they were paralyzed, but then I felt straps going across my body and relaxed. I moved my body slowly, and felt joy when I could move my legs.

"Hell, I never thought I'd become wheelchairized and get my legs back..." I muttered, cautiously opening my eyes again. This time, I was able to blink away the brightness until I could see without squinting.

"Hey Mark..." Dash called out from my right. Looking over, I saw that her wing was fucked up and she was sitting up as best as she could.

"What happened to you?" I asked, shifting a little.

"Messed up on a trick." She explained, then looked at me. "And you?"

"I got run over by a Humvee." I said, before mentally facepalming at her raised eyebrow. "It's like a chariot, but it's not pulled by pegasi or magic." I then spent a good half hour explaining engines and cars to Dash, who was very interested in them.

"Look who's awake!" A voice shouted from the doorway, causing me to narrow my eyes.

"You made me get run over, assbag." I growled. Dawn frowned and came over to me.

"Honestly, I had no idea that the Humvee would appear with them. Before you ask, I also don't know why the others were DOA, but I bet that some bullets came with them right as the Humvee did." Dawn guessed, before using his voodoo shit to release me. I slowly sat up, wincing at the feeling of pinpricks all over my body. Like when your arm fell asleep and you're just getting the feeling back, but amplified by a hundred and all over your body.

"Jesus, this is uncomfortable..." I said, stretching carefully and wincing some more.

"Who's Jesus?" Dash called out, looking at me.

"Religious Jesus or Mexican Jesus?" I instantly called back, sitting up fully. I barked out a laugh at Dash's confusion and immediately regretted it, clutching my chest.

_'Yep, still hurts...'_ I thought, my eyes watering a little. Dawn frowned at my reaction to pain but said nothing, instead teleporting away.

"Bloody bogan..." I muttered, slowly standing up and looking at Dash. "Well, I guess I'll see ya later. See ya, Dashie." I said to her, before walking out and checking my sorry ass out. Fuck yea, pony hospitals!

Another hour later, I was back in the bar, slowly draining a pony shot of whiskey. Which translates to a fucking cup in human terms.

"Hey, General." Duran said with a salute.

"I'm actually a corporal, if we're going by USMC standards. I'm a general in the Equestrian Military, not the Corps." I commented, waving his hand off. Duran sheepishly grinned before sitting down across from me and ordering a beer.

"So, how're ya feeling?" He asked while waiting for his drink. I took a moment to form a response while sipping at my whiskey.

"Like I just got run over, and then healed with magic." I deadpanned.

"Right, well Fredrick's very sorry about that." He muttered, taking his helmet off and running a hand over his shaved head.

"I'm not blaming Fredrick for it; I'm blaming the guy, or rather, pony who brought you two here." I replied. "Apology accepted, anyway." Duran seemed to lose a lot of grief and really grinned for the first time since I've seen him.

"So, what's with the colorful ponies that can talk?" He asked, accepting his gallon of beer with a raised eyebrow.

"First off, this whiskey is a fucking shot. As with the ponies, well we're in namby pamby ponyland that has magic and other mythical species residing in it. Almost parallel to Earth, except for the inhabitants." I explained. "They have good beer, though." I added, draining the rest of the cup with a grunt.

"Hope you don't get drunk off your ass." Duran muttered.

"Bah! I got a lot of tolerance to alcohol. I've got Irish, Scottish, British, and German blood, and I'm pretty sure I got a bit of Russian as well." I said, waving my hand. "It takes more than a pony shot of whiskey to get me drunk, and I know my limits."

"Hell, I won't be able to finish off a fourth of this thing, myself." Duran muttered. "Also, how much is this?"

"Your money's worthless now. I'll pay for your drink if you get a job soon and pay me back. I don't need any interest, since I'm getting 800 gold coins a year now." I said, pulling out a few bits and putting them on the table.

"REAL gold?" Duran asked with a raised eyebrow, picking up a bit and looking at it in shock.

"Dawn said that each bit is roughly 50 American dollars. I find it fully as hell, to be honest. Go find a job and give me a bit from your first paycheck and we'll call it even." I said.

"By the way, how in the name of Christ are you up and walking?"

"Magic." Was all that I said, causing him to stare at me in disbelief. After several seconds, he sighed and shook his head.

"Moving on..." He muttered, before taking a gulp of booze. "Alright, so what're we going to do with the bodies? It's not like we can put them in a casket and ship them home with a flag." He asked.

"We can do two of those three, and it's the middle one that we can't do. I'll get the local dressmaker to make three American flags as best as she can, before finding a coffin maker and getting three custom coffins for them. We'll bury them as best as we can, after cleaning them up and giving them the flag. Just because we're on a different planet and or universe, doesn't mean they won't be buried as I'll be." I explained, before getting up. "I'll see you later, Master Sergeant." I added. He got up and gave me a salute, which I returned after a second.

**Author's Note: Well, I've never been rammed into by a Humvee so I apologize to whoever has if I got the pain wrong. And it's kinda short, so sorry.**


	25. American Culture

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**Author's Note: Happy fourth, everybody! I have a special chapter for this! And the last chapter takes place July 2nd, just for your information. Also, if you don't want to read fourth of July stuff, you can stop reading after the first paragraph, because that's the only thing that's really relevent to future chapters, except for the burials, but since that won't happen yet, you all don't need to keep reading to find it.**

**Sub-Author's Note: YES! 100th review mark has been hit by Productive faffer!**

"Hey, Applejack. What day is it? Taking a Humvee to the body make me forget the date." I asked from my position behind the .50 on the Humvee. Dawn came by yesterday and managed to silence the engine and also make it where using fuel wasn't needed. Now we had a way to get from point A to point B without the need to exhaust ourselves. He wouldn't duplicate it, giving me a good reason.

"It's the fourth of July, why?" She replied, as I suddenly had a thought. A mild grin came upon my face that was mirrored by Duran and Callum, who were below me.

"No reason." I dismissed her with a wave and slid into the seat next to Callum.

"Fireworks?" He asked, looking at me.

"Fireworks. Even if this is called Equestria, it's still America on the map." I replied. "Might as well celebrate the Fourth, even if there's a ."

"We're going to need a lot of fireworks." Duran mused. I just patted him on the shoulder and got out through the top, as I've leaned that Duran did when I was run over.

"I'll take care of that. I know people. Or rather, I know a certain pink pony..." I said, muttering the last part to myself. "You two ain't doing anything today, so out. I need the Humvee." I said, opening the driver's door. Duran and Callum exited without a word, and I was soon speeding down the path to Ponyville.

**[At Sugarcube Corner]**

"Hey, Mark! You want some cupcakes?" Pinkie asked, bouncing over to me. Our 'Welcome to Equestria/to Life' party was last night, and since everyone who attended was still alive, I think it went rather well.

"Not right now, Pinks. Thanks anyway. I really came here for something else." I answered, taking a seat at a table. Pinkie bounced up into one across from me, the grin never leaving her face.

"What'cha need?" She asked.

"A certain type of explosives that I know you know where they are." I replied. Pinkie held a hoof to her chin and appeared deep in thought.

"That depends on the type. Gunpowder, chemical, thermal, or nuclear?" She finally asked, sounding deathly serious. I knew better than to ask why she knew about chemical, thermal and nuclear explosives. All I could do is hope she never uses them anywhere remotely near civilization. Antartica, maybe.

"Gunpowder. I'm looking for a few boxes of fireworks. Preferrably red, white, and blue when they explode." I replied. Pinkie nodded and grinned at me again.

"I can get them to you! When do you need them?" She asked.

"Before tonight. If you won't accept bits in return, I can at least invite you to get a taste of American culture instead." I replied, getting up after the offer.

"You'll have them before 5!" She declaired, before shaking my hand with her hoof, then zipped off to places unknown. AKA, upstairs.

"That was easy... Now I'll go ask the others if they want to be with us later." I muttered, walking out with a wave to Ms. Cake, who waved back with a hesitant smile. I briefly explained last night as to why Callum, Duffy, and Blake almost shot up the place. I had to give credit to myself and Duran, as we only dove behind some tables, hands on our pistols. I was also able to convince Pinkie to not give anymore surprise parties to humans, unless I say it's okay beforehand.

Anyway, the next stop was Twilight, as the library was closest. She said she'd love to study some more, and accepted. Dash wanted to come because I said there would be harmless explosions, and I also told Duffy of my plan. He agreed and said he'd be at the farm at 5. Fluttershy was a little hard to convince, but I said that I'd be able to get Rarity to make her some earmuffs, as I told her outright what I was planning. I did the same thing with Rarity, who nodded and also gave me the flags that I asked from her. The casket maker was done with one of them, so we still had to wait to bury the dead with dignity. I forgot that there was an American in Canterlot, and went back to the library.

Twilight wasn't there, but Spike was.

"Hey, Mark." Spike said from atop a ladder, putting a book away.

"Hey Spike, is there anyway I could contact Princess Luna?" I asked, looking for a quill and paper.

"I could send her a message, but why do you need to write her a letter?" He replied, a little confused.

"It's more for who's living with her, and it's not Celestia." I replied, scribbling down a note for Williams, and adding that Luna could come if she wanted to.

"So, what's Twilight going on about 'American culture'?" Spike asked after sending it.

"Something about today, but in my dimention. If you wanna watch, come over by the farm around 5 or so." I answered and idled around for a while. About ten minutes after I sent the letter, Spike burped up a scroll with a moon seal.

_'Dear General Durnkinscoff,_

_We would be glad to attend your human festivities, and we'll arrive at five PM or so. Since you wrote that this is usually a public event, we request that you do not make it fancy just because I am going to be there._

_-Signed Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria'_

"Well, that's good news. I'll go tell AJ to prepare more food for Luna..." I muttered, leaving the library and hopping in the Humvee before driving back towards Sweet Apple Acres.

**[At 1800 hours]**

"Well, we got the food spread. Now we need the fireworks and others." I muttered, looking over the fantastic display of Apple family food. I'm not even going to mention at what there was, except they had some spreads that weren't apple based, which made me feel relieved, to be honest.

One can have so many apples before getting sick of them, after all.

"Hey Mark." Dawn said, trotting up to me with Pinkie bouncing after him, both carrying buldging saddlebags. Aside from Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and possibly Pinkie Pie (She fucking knows the exact weight, size, and how hard it can punch through an unarmored target when shown a .45 bullet the first time, after all), Dawn was the only pony who knows what this is about. The humans arrived at random intervals, and Blake mildly surprised me by coming too.

"I thought you're British? This is something that evolved from us leaving Britian, after all." I said, raising an eyebrow.

"I have nothing else to do, to be honest." He said with a shrug. "And I can put aside our nations' past if you can, for one day." He added, looking at me. I gave him a shit-eating grin before replying.

"Which one? I have roots all over the bloody world, England included." I said, before scooping a box of firework rockets out of Pinkie's saddlebags with a nod of thanks to her.

The next hour saw me, Dawn, and Duffy placing the fireworks at strategic places, making them so it would appear perfect when they went boom. Applebloom asked to help, and I relucantly let her, telling her where to put what and at what angle. To my surprise, she did very well for a pony of her... infamy with these kinds of things.

"Alright, we're done..." I finally said, wiping some sweat from my face, just as Williams and Luna teleported near me and Applebloom. Williams stumbled forwards a bit, possibly disoriented from the flash or the feeling. I caught him before he could fall over, and stepped back when he stood straight.

"That's new..." Williams said, before looking around.

"Alright, here's the way this is going down." I called out, getting everyone's attention. "We're gonna eat first, then do whatever until Luna rises the moon. After that, comes the fireworks display." I explained, getting nods from everyone. We began eating with gumption.

**[1930 hours]**

Luna took a quick break to let the moon rise, and when she returned I handed a box with a big green button (because red buttons are cliche) to Scootaloo, who appeared with Sweetie Belle and Dash.

"Whenever you're ready, push the button." I said, before placing the earmuffs that Rarity made over Fluttershy's ears gently. Seconds after I took my place (lying on the ground next to Applejack), Scoots pushed the big green button and the fireworks show started.

It was pleasent, and everyone (ponies) who attended thanked us for making the occasion. Luna had to apologize and leave, WIlliams tagging along with her. The CMCs didn't get their cutie marks in firework preparation (thank God). Blake was mildly impressed, and he said as much as he left. Very loudly.

'It probably wasn't that much of a good idea to have booze as an option...' I amusedly thought as I filled a flask full of undisclosed alcohol (vodka) and gave the rest of it back to Berry Punch, thanking her for letting me use it, along with a wee amount of bits.

"Well, that was somethin', wasn't it Sugarcube?" Applejack asked as I sat in bed, scribbiling down today's events in my undisclosed notebook.

"Not the worst Fourth of July, in all honesty. There's usually a lot more people celibrating it, after all." I answered, snapping it shut and placing it in an undisclosed location, before joining AJ in bed.

I had a pretty good sleep, since I was with the one I loved.


	26. A Little Thought

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**LexiconHuka: I usually save the Fat Man (w/Little Boy Kit mod) for the Second Battle at the Dam, against the Legion. I also recently purchased a few DLCs for Fallout: NV, and I cannot say how awesome half of Lonesome Road is, even though it has my new worst nightmare in the game, the Tunnelers. I died numerous times to the asshats, and I was fully leveled up too!**

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The next morning, I found myself sitting on the couch downstairs, staring a hole into the floor with my clasped hands keeping my head up.

"What's on yer mind, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, climbing up onto the couch next to me.

"Just thinking. Something's been nagging at me in my mind for a while, and I now know what it is." I said, sighing.

"What is it?" She asked, putting a hoof to my shoulder. "Is it about us?"

"Yes and no. It's about me and the other humans who live here or will live here." I answered. "We're going to need to have a human doctor die sooner or later, so that Fluttershy won't need to fix us up if one of us gets mildly injured."

"What do ya mean by that? Are ya'll saying she can't handle it?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not in the least. I'm saying that anyone who comes here could become very insulted if they only have your equivalent of a veterinarian taking care of their wounds." I answered, shaking my head. "At the very least, he or she'll work out of the hospital, giving the nurses vital information about our physiology, neurology... ah fuck it, I'm rambling." From her face, Applejack didn't know what neurology was, nor physiology. I don't blame her, I hate big words myself.

"Ah... think Ah understand, Sugarcube." She said, before wrapping my in an embrace. "Just don't go an' confuse me with them fancy words." She added after letting me go, lightly punching my shoulder. I smiled at her and stood up, wrapping her in my own embrace. Instead of letting go of her to deliver a punch, I settled on kissing her deeply, tasting the apple cobbler we had for breakfast on her breath.

Reluctantly (I had to breath, and one cannot breath if one's nose is somewhat pressed against his love's face), I cut the kiss and froze when I head a filly go _d'awww_ from behind me. Before I could preform a tactical nuclear faceplant into the couch, Applejack reprimanded Applebloom.

"I never had to deal with schisse like that back on Earth..." I muttered, before faceplanting myself into the couch.

"What do ya mean, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, confused. I sighed, knowing that this conversation was going to crop up sooner or later, and took a seat next to her on the couch.

"Before I came here... I was married to a Russian woman. Think, Stalliongrad, I believe." I explained. "I loved her and she me, and nobody gave us any flak on base."** (Stephan here. This is actually true; Mark is married to a Russian woman and they have three kids already. He is a good father, and I hope, for their sake, that he doesn't bloody get killed. Also, if you're wondering, the show My Little Pony doesn't exist in this universe. Thinking about it, it is kinda obvious how Mark didn't even know about the name Applebloom and his reactions towards her, after all.)**

"Why didn't ya say sumthin' to Dawn then?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It was either staying dead or getting a second chance at life here. My body was almost completely vaporized, I believe. Suit or not, I was not going to be walking from that explosion." I said.

"Well... Ah guess ya have a good point there..." Applejack said with a frown. "So, how do Ah compare to her?" I scoffed with a slight grin.

"You don't yell in Russian when pissed off. You're American, even if you consider it Equestrian. You're a foot shorter than her when you're standing on your hind legs. Need I go on?" I said the first things that popped up in my head. Applejack shook her head with a small grin/frown combo. "She was a beautiful woman, but you're a beautiful pony." I added, rubbing her head with my hand. Before she could respond, I grabbed her hat and bolted out the door, slamming it on my head as she yelled at me.

I was grinning like an idiot as I hopped into the Humvee and waited for her to get in to get at me. As soon as she did, I slammed her door shut and pressed down on the gas pedal, heading towards Ponyville.

"That's one way that you're different, AJ." I said while getting my seat belt on. "Amber would've just shot at me, if I had taken any of her clothes off of her suddenly. She always packs a pistol, even if it's not loaded at the time." AJ was too busy clinging to the seat to respond, the shock of going 60 MPH in a Humvee still eating away at her. I giggled like an idiot at her response and gingerly placed her hat back upon her head.

_'Well, at least she isn't being shot at.'_ I thought, slowing the Humvee to a stop as Duran ran towards us.

"What's up?" I asked, opening the door. Applejack and him shared a look, each trying to remember who the fuck the other was. To be fair, it looked like Duran and Callum were brothers, even up close.

"Not much, Dawn just needs to see you." He replied, shrugging.

"Well why in the fuck doesn't he just teleport to me?" I swear, my brain just facepalmed.

"He's not 'tuned in with your frequency', whatever the hell that means." Duran explained, shrugging in confusion. Then he narrowed his eyes at my face. "With all due respect; you really need to go and unfuck your face up. Shave the beard off, sir." I merely rolled my eyes and nodded to the door behind mine, to which he shook his head to.

"Alright. Guess you know where I need to go, after all." I said, slipping into the back and stood behind the .50 cal that was still attached to the Humvee, drumming my fingers against the ammunition box. "Hey, Duran?" I called down after a moment.

"Yea?" He asked, hopefully keeping his eyes on the rugged road.

"How much shit do we have in the back? I kept putting inventory check off and I don't feel like doing it while we're bouncing along this road." I asked right after he ran over another small dip.

"Four ammunition boxes for the .50, four and a half if you count the loaded one. Fifty magazines for the M16's. Seventy magazines for the M1911's. Twenty frag grenades. A spare pair of sunglasses if you want 'em. Three bulletproof vests, three canteens, and three sets of NV goggles." He counted off, leaving the three sets of equipment for his dead Humvee mates.

"Mind handing me the sunglasses? My last pair were forgotten near an IED when I went to make it go boom." I replied, holding down an arm. A hoof handed me the sunglasses, and I slipped them on after paying a silent moment of respect to their previous owner. The rest of the trip was spent in silence, and we ended up in front of a plain looking house.

"...This is his house?" I asked, looking around.

"It sure is, Sugarcube." Applejack said, struggling to open the door. I lifted myself up onto the roof and slid down, opening the door for her while bowing slightly.

"Right this way, m'lady." I said, grinning. Applejack blushed but stepped down, and I shut the door behind her as Dawn walked out with a set of saddlebags on his back.

"There you are!" He exclaimed, giving Duran what looked like a bit, and my guess was confirmed when he tossed it to me.

"Hey Duran, where're you setting up, anyway?" I asked, wondering where he's been sleeping.

"With Cheerilee, the teacher at the local school if I'm correct." Duran answered with a shrug. "Wife was a teacher too, so I figured I could help her if she needs it."

"Alright. And Gallum?" I asked, noticing a distinct lack of mentioned Ranger.

"Living with that grey Pegasus mare and her daughter. Ditzy Doo, I think her name is." Duran replied.

"She's a nice mare, but if you fuck with Dinky, she'll break your legs with extreme prejudice." Dawn said, putting his front hooves on the hood to get a better angle to look at me.

"So, why did ya call for me, anyway?" I asked, nodding at him.

"I have your uniform done. You can wear that bulletproof vest under it, even though I also added some extra steel in places where they will be useful. I would use Kevlar, but we haven't gotten that far ahead in protection yet. It's not as appealing as Rarity's designs, but I make them efficient for the wearer, not to bloody show off." Dawn explained, getting Duran to pull out my new uniform. It looked just like my old one, except it had several steel plates on my shoulders, elbows, knees, thighs, calves, and forearms.

"Least it isn't gold... Shittiest metal for protection value. I think leather has more value in that department..." I muttered, looking over the uniform carefully.

"I agree there. And Celestia wonders why the Death Guard's floored her Day Guards in the last two years during our fake wars. Anyway, it might be a little uncomfortable for the first few times you wear it, but it'll soon feel like a heavier version of your cammies." Dawn said, getting back down on all fours.

"You must not know then; I'm a Marine. I'm used to uncomfortable suits. Just look at the EOD's bomb suit." I said with a grin.

"Touche." Dawn said, nodding to me.

"Before I forget, we're going to need a human medic here sooner or later." I said, looking at Dawn. "You'll eventually bring someone who'll be offended when they're brought to a veterinarian."

"But the doctors at the hospital treated you." Duran pointed out, and I felt Applejack glaring a hole into my ass.

"Considering I was coughing up enough blood to fill a bucket, they had no choice." I countered. "They have almost no clue on how the human body works. I know I'm no expert on the subject, unless it's about male sex organs. Bloody high school and their sex ed..." I muttered the last sentence.

"I think I'm getting what you're saying." Dawn said, putting a hoof to his chin. "If I bring a medic here, they'll be able to teach the doctors at the hospital about you humans, and when one of you gets injured, you won't have to go to Fluttershy or hope the nurses get lucky."

"Alright. I'm going to go get a shot of vodka. Anyone else want to come with me?" I offered, putting my shit in the Humvee.

"I'll go get Gallum and meet you there, Mark." Duran said, jogging off towards Ditzy's house.

"Let's go." Dawn said, going around the hood and pressing a hoof to my chest, before teleporting.

We had a good drink. I knew that Applejack was going to have a word with me when I got home, so I did my best to not get totally drunk.


	27. Need a Doc for a Doc!

**Reviews:**

**Productive faffer: Really handy.**

**LexiconHuka: Old Glory (Get all up in this shit). Courier/Ulysses' Duster. Rebreather. Light Shining in Darkness(If I remember correctly) (Not close enough for beating stuff to death with a flag pole). Mercy. This Machine for medium range/Deathclaws. Anti-Materiel Rifle for snipin' bitches.**

**dannymxyz: uuurrrrpppp...*passes out***

**Dragon'z Wrath: And even more faggotry!**

**wingdnight: Mark feels for you. Go ahead, but I have no promises that the OC will be used in this particular story, but it'll definitely be used in the upcoming side story for this one.**

**iTsTealblast: PC. Fuck every console out there! They say it costs less to buy an Xbox, but my laptop was about $200 and it runs my games perfectly! (And if you bring up console exclusive games, Halo/Halo 2 is now on PC. Have to get a disk, though :/) Also; FUCKING. EMULATORS. You can fucking download a 360 nowadays! (Or get Windows 8, I think it runs several 360 features.)**

**spartan1735: lol? IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, MAGGOT?! SHOW ME YA WAR FACE! *All up and in yo face***

A few days later saw Rainbow Dash, Duffy, and I chillin' under a tree in the park. Or rather, I was under the tree. Duffy was sitting on a branch a few feet away from Rainbow, who was snoozing the morning away and somehow not falling down because fuck physics.

"What's the objectives for today?" Duffy asked about an hour after we set up shop.

"Do whatever it is you do when I'm not around, Duffy. I'm still looking around for a second job, because there's only so much to do on the farm when the crops ain't in." I replied, shrugging. I caught him muttering something about 'getting lost sleep hours' before he lied down hesitantly on Dash's chest, being the closest thing to a pillow up there. Aside from the pillow that was up there.

_"You're opening up to her, aren't you? Good going, Duffy."_ I muttered with a smirk, then saw a group of five familiar ponies and several critters come over a hill and straight towards us. As I was watching the girls come over to us with grins (Applejack nodded once to me, knowing that our... 'discussion' sunk in.), Pinkie was looking around with a hidden frown.

"What's wrong, Pinks?" I asked, before I felt a pressure on my arm. Looking down, I saw her pet gator, Gummy, gnawing on me. Some of the shit I've seen since coming here, this didn't even hit the top fifty list anymore. As I held up my Gummy arm, the rest of the critters crowded around me. Winnona **(Author's Note: Sorry if I got the name wrong, I do this often, unless they're easy to spell or've been written down.)** chased Opal, Rarity's cat, up the tree. Duffy grumbled at this, and tried getting the cat away from him while still lying on Dash.

_'Think he hates cats, or he's allergic to them. One of the two.'_ I silently thought, when Dash woke up, startled, and sent Duffy crashing to the ground with a few choice swears. I rolled my eyes as Duffy grumbled and sat up, glaring daggers at the animals. Clearly, this sniper was not an animal person.

"Sleep good, Dash?" I called up, letting Gummy loose upon Duffy, who glared at me as best as he could with a toothless baby gator attached to his face.

"More or less. You girls bring Tank with ya?" She asked, looking at them. (Tank is a turtle, which is funny as hell.) As if responding, a bright ass light blinds the lot of us, sending Winnona into a barking fit, Opal hissing, all eight of us probably recoiling, and a body smashed into me. Smelt of copper, low-tide, and was still breathing.

"H...Help..." A man groaned, and I instantly knew what that coppery smell was.

"Duffy! Get your ass in gear and get to the damn Humvee! Fluttershy, I need you over here as soon as possible!" I shouted, getting the body off of me and scrambling to find my backpack. We were all half blind at the moment, but right now I only expected positive results from the Marine. Duffy nodded, shoved Dash off of him, and bolted off, heading in the general direction of the vehicle.

"Wh-where am I?" My newest 'squad mate' (if he accepted, of course. Everyone else, with the exception of Williams has) coughed up. Now that I could mostly see again, I could tell that he was what I should've been expecting; a medic. From the smell of low-tide and the WWII uniform, he was probably killed during D-Day.

"Somewhere safe. Hell happened to you?" I asked, searching him for bullet wounds.

"MG42 fire on our landing craft, along with an AA shell hitting us. Was hit by the machine guns... Am I dead?" He coughed, looking around and seeing my companions.

"Yea, you're dead." I answered, before seeing his chest full of holes. I swore and ran my hands through my hair, frowning. "You're lucky you haven't died again, the way you've been shot up."

"Always full of surprises, sir..." He coughed some more. "Pardon my asking, but what's your name?" He asked as the Humvee screeched to a halt next to the tree.

'Need to get Dawn on silencing the brakes...' I thought, watching as Duffy ran around the back of the Humvee (opening the trunk in the process) and grasped Doc's legs while I gently looped my arms around his chest.

"I'm Mark, he's Duffy. Never got a first name from him, now that I think about it..." I said, hefting him into the trunk as carefully as possible.

"Nice to meet the both of you. And what about those ponies watching us carefully? They sapient or just pets?" Medic asked as I slid in after him and slammed the trunk shut. Duffy got Fluttershy into the front next to him, and sped off towards the hospital.

"Main inhabitants of this planet. Not the only species, though. How'ja know they were ponies? Hell, when I first saw them I thought they were horses." I asked.

"Grew up on a farm, had a few horses. They're only about four feet tall, easily distinguishable compared to an actual horse." Doc explained.

"So what's your name?" I asked, trying to keep him awake by talking.

"Name's Isaac Thompson, Mark." He replied, holding up a shaking hand. I grasped it and shook.

"Got a nickname already, Doc." I said, grinning. He weakly chuckled, before looking around.

"What's this vehicle, might I ask?" He asked. "It isn't a supply truck. Too quiet to be one."

"It's a future vehicle. About fifty years in the future, actually." I replied. "It's called a Humvee, and there's a civilian model too, but more comfortable than this one. Doesn't have a HMG turret, either." I explained, deciding to go into more detail until the brakes screeched again.

"Where are we now?" Doc asked, looking around as I helped Duffy drag him out. Fluttershy was looking on with mixed horror and concern.

"Ponyville General Hospital. Second time I've been here, but hell if I was shot to get in. Got ran over by the bloody Humvee a few days ago, actually." I answered, backing into the doors and looked around.

_'I think my blood's still on the hood, actually.'_ A random thought popped into my head.

"How're you walking around now, then?" Doc asked.

"Magic is pretty helpful if they know what they're doing." I said without looking at him.

'Nobody here except for a receptionist, good.' I thought, before taking a deep breath.

"I NEED A DOCTOR, STAT! WE GOT A MORTALLY WOUNDED BEING HERE!" I hollered at the top of my lungs, and the result was instantaneous, as three Nurses were startled out of side rooms, and they rushed over to our side.

"What happened?" Redheart asked, as Thompson coughed up some blood, getting a little of it on her. I'm sure there's a theme, here...

"Something happened to him before he came here. I'll need to go with you, along with Fluttershy here. Can't heal him just yet, as he has metal embedded in him to where he'll die anyway if we don't remove it first." I explained as we carried Doc down the hallway. Fluttershy nodded once and I saw something other than a normally timid pegasus; a determined soul wanting to take care of a tortured one.

"How many bullet wounds did you count, anyway? Too busy keeping from going into shock here." Doc asked as we got him up on an operating table.

"Seven to ten. I need two pairs of sterilized tweezers, Redheart." I answered, stripping off Thompson's waterlogged equipment and clothes.

"Why do you need two pairs?" Fluttershy quietly asked as we undressed Thompson's upper body.

"I'm not digging out these bullets on my own, Fluttershy. You're the veterinarian here, and as of right now you're the only pony in this room that knows the most about his biology." I answered, shoving one into her hoof because fuck logic. Using my pair, I started to dig out the ones farthest away from vital organs. "Dig out the ones I point out, first. You pull one too close to his heart too early, we've lost one of the most important humans on this rock."

"I'm the most important, now?" Thompson asked, raising an eyebrow and holding in a scream of pain as I dragged a bullet from him.

"You know more about human biology than I do, Doc. I'm a Marine that deals with explosives, not wounds." I replied, dropping a bullet into a pan. Not wanting to go into detail about the procedure (I know you read this, Applebloom.), all I'm going to write is that we nearly lost him four times, and at the end, Fluttershy had her hooves heavily coated in his life essence.

"Now that my serious wounds are out of the way..." Thompson groaned, sitting up and wiping a towel across his newly healed chest. "Why in the fuck am I here and not floating in the middle of a European channel with bullets and shrapnel in my chest?"

"I asked the guy who brought you here for a Medic, and he selected you. I don't know shit about how it happened, so go ask him for more info." I said, shrugging.

"What's done is done, I suppose. You got a place for me to stay?" He said, before looking around.

"Um, you can stay with me... If you want, that is..." Fluttershy stuttered, going back into her 'shy as fuck' mode.

"Where do you live?" He asked. I decided to answer for her, as she was starting to blush.

"On the edge of town, the closest place is the farm, where I'm staying. Nice, peaceful, and full of placid critters." I answered, before leaning in so Fluttershy wouldn't hear. "Watch out for her pet, Angel. Bloody rabbit takes a while to get used to."

"That's probably for the best, since I need to get used to this new place, I guess." He finally said, sliding off of the table. I left the room to let them have some time to get to know each other, and almost tripped over the mares standing outside the door.

"How's he doing?" Twilight asked as Dash and Applejack kept me from falling.

"He'll live, just give him some time to slide into this new life of his. Three of the bullets went through and through, so Fluttershy and I had less to dig out." I said, saying the second half to Duffy, noticing that Duran popped up in my absence.

"WWII, right? From what Duffy told me, he's very lucky, as if the bullets would've been a larger calibur, you'd be covered in more than what you are now." He said, nodding to my hands and chest, causing me to look down. As Duran said, my torso was pretty much coated in Isaac's blood, and every pony except the Nurses who went around our group looked queasy at the sight of blood.

"Eh. Going to go get washed off. Nurse, are there any showers in the hospital?" I asked one of the random Nurses that were patrolling the hallways.

"There's one in the room next to you, sir." She replied without missing a beat.

"Many thanks, lass." I said, walking in and seeing an empty patient's jail cell, as I've taken to calling the rooms where someone spends after/before surgery. I'll skip over taking a bleedin' shower, because it's my fucking journal.

Half an hour later, I stepped out without a shirt on, because the shirt I was wearing is soaking wet and stuffed into an empty pocket in my backpack.

"Your death's showing, Mark." Duran said, from behind me.

"What?" I asked, trying to see my back and turned around. Almost immediately, the five mares that're still in the group gasped in disgust and shock.

"Heavy burn scars on your back. Possibly on your legs, but I'm not taking your pants off to confirm it. Hell, I have a circular scar from where the bullet entered and left my throat, myself." He said. We both turned to Duffy, raising an eyebrow.

"Mortar round while lying down." Was all that he said, shifting a little and narrowing his eyes. I nodded and shrugged.

"I'ma take a walk back to the farm. Maybe get something to eat." I said, before starting to walk off. I got a item of cloth to the back of the head a moment later.

"Put that on, keep from making the locals freak out." Duran said. I quickly put on his shirt and left the hospital. The Humvee was gone, and I'm pretty sure it carried Doc and Fluttershy when it left. None of these ponies are tall enough when standing on their hind legs to be able to successfully operate it, anyway.

"Alright... Need to find a place for a job..." I muttered, rubbing my chin, before looking at the Spa.

_'Well, my wife did say I preformed excellent massages... Just need to remember what the fuck they called those people and I'll attempt an application tomorrow...'_ I thought, shrugging and decided to go get lunch.


	28. Nightmare Night

**Reviews:**

**buttershoes: Yep. And, as a minor plot spoiler towards the characters, there's going to be two more 'main' OCs popping up from WW2, and only one of them will be able to understand you.**

**iTsTealblast: Honestly, I can't fucking spell it either. Like I said, once all the pieces have fallen into place, this story's going to be put on hold and I'm branching off into a new one, where there's definitely going to be war.**

**LexiconHuka: Bitch please, I have Hit The Deck too. Pop in some Slasher and you're fucked up, if you can even see me due to my Stealth Boy hoard!**

**Time Doctor: You're thinking of the Army. Seriously, I went and looked it up; the USMC does not have a five star general when we go to war.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Well when I'm so fucking introverted you can't even tell whether I'm a diehard Twilight fan or I just haven't gotten out in the sun for over a month, I tend to not know these things!**

**Author's Note: This chapter just popped into my head and wouldn't go away. I blame lazyness for the first paragraph. And it's a fucking long ass chapter, the longest I've ever typed, I think. A brickton of words.**

For a few months, nothing unusual happened. Just because it was something important, I got the job at the Spa as a masseuse, and started making 200 bits a year. Add that to the 800 I make as being a general, and I'm one of the richer people in Ponyville. Of course, I'm only going to keep about 200, because Granny Smith still needs a new hip. And a whole slew of other shit about the farm. Pinkie said something about breaking the 4th wall, and a changeling popped out of her mirror. Guy's name is Jakob, and apparently, he was a human when Pinks dragged him through.

Then, came Nightmare Night, and I was just finishing up my costume.

"Alrighty then! uniform's on, make-up's in the right place... All I need is the eyes to do their shit and I'll look exactly like one!" I said, looking at myself in the mirror. I looked almost exactly like a zombie from Call of Duty: World At War and I must say I looked batshit scary. Dawn, Luna, and I have gotten together a few weeks ago and decided to make a game out of this Nightmare Night, having a real life zombie attack. We all had roles in it, told the Mayor beforehand, and it was going to be perfect.

"You look perfect for the role, Mark." Dawn said from his spot on the couch as I came downstairs. "At eight, you're going to be 'killing and eating' someone. After that, you can pretty much spread the 'infection' around the town, as it's safe as fuck. We've prepped all of the bullets beforehand, so they'll still impact you, but instead of actually killing you, they'll just do what'll happen if they hit a real zombie."

"Headshots or serious brain trauma. Decapitation merely makes us immobile." I said, stretching my back.

"Right. There's no cure, as there shouldn't be. No safe places, and Fluttershy's cottage is out-of-bounds for the zombies, because we don't want to give her a bloody heart attack. Whoever tries leaving the town itself instantly dies, as I bet most military on Earth would do. Ends at dawn when Luna pops into town, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to snuff it before then." Dawn said.

"Zombies can be sneaky when they want to be." I said, and walked out with him. Applebloom was dressed up as Applejack, oddly enough, and squeaked when she saw me.

"You look scary, Mark!" She said, shivering a little. I smiled warmly at her, trusting her judgement.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Blooms!" I said, rubbing her mane with a hand while scooping up some dirt with my other, getting it all over me.

_'Rarity's going to kill me when she sees the state I've put my costume into.'_ I thought with a grin.

"You know what I'll hate going up against in the forest?" Dawn rambled on, looking over at the Everfree forest. Don't know why the ponies fear that place; after all, a zebra lives there.

"Land Bear Sharks?" I asked, looking at him.

"Land Bear Sharks." Dawn nodded once, and grinned creepily. The fact that he was wearing a hood and cloak that made his naturally silver eyes glow red didn't help.

"Sadly, I would rather be a Hunter from Left 4 Dead, but I have to make due." I commented as we walked towards Ponyville.

"Left 4 Dead?" Applebloom asked. "That sounds something mean an' cruel to do to somepony!"

"It's actually the name of a video game, Applebloom. Wait, do you guys even have video games?" I said, before looking at Dawn in confusion. He was my outlet for these ponies and their tech.

"Pac-Man and the like. Don't have TVs, so home consoles are out. Same for computers. It isn't called 'Pac-Man', either." He replied. "Now, you've practiced your limp?" I nodded, and started dragging my right leg behind me, while Dawn made it look like I took a bullet to the knee, because fuck arrows. Bullets are manlier. Just for effects at the moment, I rose my arms up and let out a moan from the back of my throat, making sure that it sounded slightly detached and gravelly.

"Son of a bitch!" Doc said, coming up to me and poking around. In character, I snapped at his fingers like a zombie, but didn't actually try to eat him... just yet. Both him and Fluttershy knew about the plan for tonight, us having unanimously decided that Fluttershy wasn't going to be participating.

"Yup. Bite'll take about ten minutes, right?" I said, before looking at Dawn.

"Exactly. Every bite after the first one shaves a minute off, until there's only one minute to conversion." Dawn confirmed. I smiled with a mouth full of bloodied teeth, causing Doc to shudder some more.

"Fucking creepy, man... I take it 'modern zombies' aren't green and moan about eating brains?" Doc commented as Fluttershy hid behind him, whimpering a little.

"Nope. They had a few zombie movies produced where the zombies ran instead of... shuffled. There was a book published called_ The Zombie Survival Guide_, and it pretty much blamed zombies on a virus that infects the brain of humans, and ONLY humans. Everything else just died, but for tonight we're altering the rules a little. Make it more like _Resident Evil_ than _Survival Guide_." I explained. Fluttershy started shivering harder, and I pretty much decided to bring the conversation about zombies to a halt.

"So, who all else is in this?" Doc asked, being careful to avoid spooking Fluttershy even more.

"All of the unicorns, humans, and some pegasi. Callum's going to snuff it through you, Thompson. He'll get Ditzy, but stay away from Dinky, because we really don't want to risk angering her mother." Dawn explained, before jumping up and almost poking me in the eye with his horn.

"...The fuck was that for?!" I exclaimed, holding my eyebrow in mild annoyance.

"Had to cast the spell. The countdown's begun. You have three hours left to live." Dawn morbidly said, grinning like a madman.

I just shook my head and 'shuffled' onward.

**[In Ponyville, three hours later]**

Dash thought my costume was awesome, Duffy was wearing his ghillie suit, Duran dressed up in his combat stuff, Callum managed to get into my EOD suit (and was complaining about the heat, although he wasn't wearing the helmet), and I didn't see the others at the moment. It was pretty cool, until I felt something run through my body and sent me to the ground, smelling a little like burnt flesh while there was ringing in my ears and I was half blind. (Author's Note: Dash electrocuted him with a lightning cloud)

"Ohmygosh!" Dash shouted from above me, and Doc knelt next to me, checking my pulse.

"He's fine, just a little singed and winded." Doc said, getting me to my feet.

"How're ya feeling?" Duran asked, looking at me with concern. I started feeling sick, and threw up a bunch of blood all over the ground, getting a bit on Doc.

"Aw, jeez! I just washed these boots!" Doc exclaimed in disgust.

**[Third Person, centering around the humans]**

All of a sudden, Mark snapped his head up and _growled_ at Thompson.

"What the-" Was all the medic got out before he was grabbed roughly by Mark, and had his throat ripped out by his teeth! Everyone immediately screamed. Duran, Duffy, and Callum brought up their M1911/M9s, and shot Mark three times in the chest each, sending him to the ground with Thompson's throat still in his jaws.

"FUCK! Get the Humvee!" Callum shouted, trying his best to get the blood to stop flowing, all in vain. Duffy ran off somewhere, not holstering his weapon.

"F-F-Fuck..." Thompson gurgled, before dying in Callum's arms. As he closed Thompson's eyes in respect, the medic reanimated and bit down hard on his hand, breaking the bones and getting a scream of pain for his efforts.

"GET HIM OFF!" Callum shouted, and a shot rang out, sending Thompson's brain matter across the cobblestone behind him. The effect was instantaneous, as the 'zombie' crumpled to the ground, not moving anymore.

"Shit..." Duran breathed, sliding his hands through his hair. "He was a fucking zombie, man. A zombie!" As he looked to where Mark was, he gulped audibly.

"What is it?" Callum half whimpered, clutching his bitten and broken hand while the Humvee stopped next to him.

"...Where the fuck did Mark go?" Duran asked, as the only sign that the EOD personnel was ever there was a few drops of blood. Down an alley, Twilight Sparkle screamed for a split second before getting cut off answered him.

"Well... Shit." Was all Duffy said before he and Duran piled into the Humvee, while Callum drew his 1911 and ran off to find Ditzy and Dinky Doo before they could become infected.

**[Deeper in Ponyville]**

Blake was having a good time, until the screaming started. Several sick looking unicorns, dressed up as zombies, stumbled into a crowd and proceeded to eat the others. Everyone in the crowd scattered, while he knew what was going on and drew his revolver, firing off a couple shots and getting several unicorns in the head, downing them.

"Son of a bitch..." He muttered, opening the trunk of the Humvee as Duran and Duffy stopped next to him.

"It's zombies, alright. Got Doc already, and Mark's somewhere out there." Duran said, checking an M16 before slapping a magazine into it.

"Anyone else get bitten?" Blake asked. "The bites are how they turn."

"...Callum got his hand crushed by Doc's... Aw FUCK!" Duran said, before shedding the EOD suit for the most part and bolting off with his rifle's safety flicked off.

"Well, if we see Callum, shoot him in the head." Blake muttered to Duffy, who nodded and went back to the driver's seat of the Humvee.

**[Over to Duran]**

Panting, I slowed to a light jog, keeping my eye out for Callum or Mark. Frowning, I noticed a distinct lack of ponies and humans. In fact, the street I was going down was deserted for the most part. All of a sudden, I had a pink hoof wrapped around my mouth and I was dragged into Sugarcube Corner. I knew that Pinkie wasn't a zombie, because I would have been gnawed on by now.

"Don't do that to the survivors! They might have a panic attack and lash out at you!" I hissed as I kicked the door shut and crouched against the wall, peeking through the window.

"Sorry!" Pinkie exclaimed, keeping her voice down.

"What's the situation?" I asked, turning to look inside the bakery. There were about fifteen ponies in there altogether. I saw Dinky Doo, but Ditzy wasn't anywhere in sight, causing me to sigh in defeat.

_'Just when I thought I could get to her before Callum...'_ I thought, frowning. Bon Bon, oddly enough, was tending to the unicorn filly, whispering stuff and doing her best to calm her down.

"Everypony's scared, Rick... I've been trying-" Pinkie started, but instantly froze when there was some pounding echoing from the kitchen. Sounded like hands, and the being was hitting a door hard, but slowly. Everyone started whimpering in fear.

"Shhh." I hissed and crept into the kitchen, putting the butt of my M16 to my shoulder. The pounding was coming from what looked like the cellar, and Pinkie had followed me.

"Was there anyone in there before all this happened?" I quietly asked, looking at the mare. She shook her head, and I decided to take a quick look around the kitchen. There were blood smears everywhere, and a lot of it led to the door.

'Think I found Callum. Too much blood to be Mark.' I grimly thought, stood up, and lightly kicked the door to test its thickness.

"Sorry about this, Pinks." I said as I placed my rifle on a counter, drew my M1911, backed up, and drop kicked the door, sending it flying off its hinges and into whatever was behind the door. There was a growl from the bottom of the stairs, and I shined my flashlight down, illuminating several zombies. They were Callum, Ditzy, and I think Twilight. Three bullets later, I was collecting my rifle and ushering the survivors outside.

"Why do we have to move?" A colt asked, fear lacing his voice.

"The gunfire's going to attract more of them." I said, keeping an eye out as we bolted down the street and into the Library. Most of the lights were off, and there was nobody, alive or dead, in there when I entered first.

**[Somewhere above Ponyville]**

"How're they doing?" Thompson asked, crouching down next to Dawn. The Alicorn looked around the town from above for a few seconds.

"Duran's with a group of survivors and they're barricading the Library. Duffy and Blake are driving around the town, picking up who they can. Mark's still down there somewhere." He said, as a death guard pegasus popped up next to him.

"I got run over, sir." Evasive said, giving Dawn a small salute.

"Eh. You lasted two hours out there and got a kill count of seven. You did pretty good." Dawn commented as he glanced at a scoreboard, which only counted the zombie's kills. Mark was clearly in the lead, with twenty kills already. Elusive nodded and looked at a certain pegasus.

"Yea, Dawn decided to 'kill' her early on, in case someone says something about it later." Callum said from his seat next to Ditzy. Thompson thought for a moment, and noticed something.

"Hey, did you remember to tell Jakob that this was just a game?" He asked Dawn, who promptly facehoofed.

"I knew I fucking forgot something!" He groaned.

**[Back to the town, with Jakob]**

"Son of a bitch..." I wheezed, glad that I can turn back to my normal form for a few hours at a time, while clutching an M1911. I barely managed to escape a few zombie ponies, and things weren't looking good at all.

_'Alright, quick recap. Was trying to enjoy myself, as most of the town stayed away from me because I'm a changeling. Then the screaming started, and I found myself carried off for a while before I managed to get away. Met up with Blake and Duffy, acquired a pistol and several magazines for it. Been hunting zombies since, but fuck, these fuckers are everywhere.'_ I thought as I hid in the local bar, not even thinking of getting a drink at the moment. _'And fuck, Molotovs aren't going to be useful, as the zombies will just become mobile torches.'_ I thought after looking at various boozes.

"Alright, gotta stay quiet..." I muttered, before creeping deeper into the shop, and ended up brushing against something cold, and moving. "...Fuck." Was all that I was able to get out before I was bitten on the shoulder. I managed to keep a scream of pain from escaping my mouth, and shot the zombie in the face with my pistol. The body hit the ground, while I was released and ended up on my side, checking the remaining bullets in the magazine.

"One bullet left... Figures.." I chuckled, and put the barrel of the gun into my mouth, muttering a silent, last prayer before squeezing the trigger.

"What in the fuck?" I yelled, looking around. Mark was grinning at me from a seat on a cloud, while Dawn walked up to me.

"I forgot to tell you this earlier, Jakob." He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. At my stare, he decided to go on. "The zombie attack was a game Mark, Luna, and I made up a few weeks ago. I meant to tell you, but it slipped from my mind and I was turned before I could remember."

"So I killed myself for nothing?" I asked, noticing that I was back in my 'natural' body.

"Pretty much, yea." Mark grinned, patting my chitin covered head. "Good job, though. Didn't think I was going to get killed at all."

"Wait, you're the one who bit me?" I metaphorically rose an eyebrow.

"Yea. Got roughly thirty ponies and Doc infected before I got a bullet to the brain bucket." He said. "You're dead dead, so sit back and enjoy watching the town mostly disintegrate from the chaos."

"Who's left of the humans and Elements?" I asked Dawn, sitting next to him and looking through a cloud that was showing the perimeter of the Library.

"Duffy, Blake, and Duran are the remaining humans. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie are also still alive. Rarity is down there somewhere. Twilight was shot in the face by Duran, she's over there somewhere talking to Lyra." He replied, waving a hoof in a seemingly random direction. "This cloud's pretty big, and I can't see over the rolls."

**[Because I don't want a larger brick than I've already shat, er, typed. Dawn]**

The sunrise would have been beautiful as always, if I wasn't keeping my ass from being bitten. As an Alicorn, which took me a second to recognize as Luna, popped into town square with WIlliams, a fog horn sounded off from somewhere, confusing the fuck out of everyone.

"What was that?!" A mare whispered as I cracked my back, grinning.

"Sound off! Who's still alive?" I called out, before saying the same thing into the radio on my shoulder.

"Lost Duffy a few hours ago, and his blood's all over the hood now." Blake answered.

"Congratulations, mate. We're the only human survivors." I whispered, before turning to Pinkie Pie and Applejack.

"What in the hay was that, anyhow?" Applejack asked, confused as fuck.

"That was the signal that it's safe to leave the Library." I said, opening the door and revealing a grinning Mark.

"Who all lived?" He asked, looking around the Library and probably counting heads.

"Me and Blake." I replied, shrugging. Applejack finally noticed that Mark was alive (probably because she hasn't had a wink of sleep all day yesterday and last night), and promptly sailed into his arms.

"Congradulations, everypony!" Dawn said as he trotted his red and black ass into the door, grinning. "You all've won the first Zombie Run in over a thousand years!"

"But those weren't zombies!" A redshirt yelled from a couch. Yea, I've watched Star Trek. Sue me.

"Oh, but they were. They're _human_ zombies." Dawn replied, getting him to shut up. At this point, Luna came in and announced the winners on the zombies side. Mark, for most kills. Ditzy, for longest 'life'. The survivors only had one winner, who was Blake, for most kills.

Thus was the first Nightmare Night that the humans participated in.

**Author's Note: Holy shit. And I shat, no, wrote this in two days!**


	29. Rescue, part 1

**Reviews:**

**Dragon'z Wrath: I find it funny that most people think it's ideal to be welding a shotgun as your firearm in a zombie apoclypse. The only way I'd be using a shotgun is if it's like Left 4 Dead's zombies; not actual zombies, just very sick people with no traces of humanity/sanity/inb4sanityisrelative left.**

**LexiconHuka: *Laughs as the Laser detonator doesn't do shit when firing at someone***

**AnalPoptarts: Neither can I!**

**buttershoes: Probably the latter, because zombie pegasi can still use their wings, although they fly slowly. Zombies can do what normal people can, save for activities that require actual thought.**

**dannymxyz: That snakebite thing rarely works normally. If she did it with zombie infection, the both of you would get infected, due to her placing her mouth where there can be zombie spit/blood, and you for having the virus in your bloodstream. The safest methods for curing are immediate amputation(10% success) or bullet to the brain bucket(100% success).**

**iTsTealblast: More like very slowly update. Yes, I am working on other stories, but that's not really the reason. I'm going to stop updating (for the most part) this story once I reach a certain time in it, and switch over to an _alternate path _of this story. I'm doing it like this so both you and I won't get confused by the chapter uploads.**

After seeing how Spike acts around Rarity, it wasn't that hard to notice that he was either in love with Rarity or he was constantly hungry around her (I'm surprised that I haven't noticed before now, myself.). I get the same feeling. The hunger, that is. Rarity reminds me of a marshmallow that can do magic and coat you in sequins while making your clothing strangle you at the same time. I've never mentioned that I hate ties and suits unless it's my uniform, though.

Anyway, I told him to grow some balls and to go tell her his feelings. At the time, I didn't know that she and Blake had evolved from housemates to fuck buddies, and she told me after he left that half of the reason was that she viewed him as a good friend. The other half was that it wouldn't be good in the long term if she shared his feelings. (She also explained a brief moment where Spike went apeshit and nearly destroyed the town because he became a greedy bugger.)

I overheard him mutter something about trying with Sweetie Belle as he left, just because this seemed important. I think she's smitten with him, myself.

"Hey, Mark. You see two new humans around lately?" Dawn asked me the next morning as I was walking towards the Spa, cracking my knuckles a little.

"No, you bring them? Or did Luna?" I asked, being honest in my answer. There wasn't anybody new in town, besides an old donkey named Cranky Doodle Donkey. Pinkie Pie made up a song about him that was eerily similar to 'Yankee Doodle Dandy'. She also pulled his love out of her ass (Get it?), got them back together, and made him tolerate her. Apparently, she was living here for a while.

_'Donkey from Canterlot comes into town; ponies regard him with disinterest. Zebra from Africa comes into town before they got educated, they act like she's the plague.'_ I thought, narrowing my eyes a little._ 'Fucking ponies and their racism.'_ I talked to AJ about that; seems that being called racist is being called ignorant around here. Seems fitting. Duran's doing his best to educate the young'uns about other sentient species. Two brats, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon (Mainly DT) are making it a little hard for him.

"I did, but I haven't seen hid nor hair of them yet... Maybe they're in the Everfree?" Dawn mused, looking at me.

"I ain't going back into that shithole unless those damn zombies aren't mobile!" I instantly said, shoving a finger in his face.

"I would be more worried if they were! Damn, man. You even have a fucking Humvee, if they are out there you can just run them over with it when you're on a path!" He replied, batting my hand away with a hoof. Now that I thought of it, he was right.

"Think there are any pegasi/unicorn zombies?" I asked, looking around and waving at Doc as he strolled towards the hospital. He noticed and came over.

"If they're awake and there are, the unicorns should be relatively weak in the magic department. At the most, they can stall the Humvee for a few minutes, I believe." Dawn said after a moment of thought. Doc stepped up next to us and crossed his arms.

"Need me for something, Mark?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Think we could borrow the humvee for... two days at the most?" I asked. "We have two humans running around in the forsaken forest that Fluttershy thinks is a good idea to live next to."

"I'll come with, just in case one's injured. I'll go have a word with my boss and swing the humvee over by the farm." He said, before jogging off.

"Go get Callum and Blake. Can't fit anymore in comfortably if one of us get injured." I said to Dawn.

"What about Duran?" Dawn asked, looking around.

"Cheerilee's sick, so he can't come." I replied, before going and telling Aloe and Lotus that I'd be risking my ass for somebody for two days at the most. They understood, after I telling them it's what I did for a living before I came here, and let me leave, with half pay anyway.

**[Later. I've been doing this a lot, haven't I?]**

"Are ya sure 'bout this, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked as I checked a magazine to the M16s.

"Yea, AJ, I am. Don't worry, I've done stuff like this before." I said, smiling at her.

_'Though not in a jungle environment...'_ I silently added, and watched as Dawn's eye twitched suddenly.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, placing the magazine in a crate near the seats.

"There's four of them now. Luna sent one, and Celestia sent the other." He said, eyes widening. My eyes reflected his, and Callum was confused.

"What's wrong?" He asked, oblivious to what that meant.

"Think she sent him to act as an assassin?" I asked, slipping on my bulletproof vest and reinforced cammies (courtesy of Dawn.), while checking my M60.

"Most likely. They're both from WWII, and I can faintly detect that one's German..." He said.

"Son of a bitch..." I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "Right, at least we're lucky enough that I'm half German, and I fluently know the language. I might get a few words wrong, but I could hold my own against him in a verbal debate."

"Good luck, I know you're gonna need it." Dawn said as Callum, Blake, Doc, and I climbed in.

"Same to you. Try and persuade Celestia that we're not gonna overthrow her unless she deserves it." I said, loading up the turret. "Doc, you're gonna need to wear your helmet, we have fellow WWII soldiers out there, and one of 'em is a German." I told Isaac, slapping the roof and causing Callum to drive forward.

"Alright, here's the plan!" I yelled down to them once we were on a trail in the forest. "We're doing a search and rescue in this hellhole! We're looking for four humans! Two of them are confirmed to have died in WWII, so we have to tread a little carefully, since one of them's German! I honestly don't know about the other two, since Dawn didn't give me enough Intel about them. Any questions?"

"None, sir!" They called up, getting serious'd up in a split second.

"There's a group of zombies in here that I've had the 'luck' to encounter my first night in here. Their eyes glow red, so if you see that, tell me and I will make sure they're eradicated from the face of this planet." I added after a moment, looking around. "Dawn said that they're not out right now, but I don't want to take anything to chance."

"Shit!" Callum suddenly said, braking hard and almost sending my face into the .50 turret.

"What is it?" I called out, readjusting my helmet.

"There's a roadblock in the form of a fallen tree." He said, opening the door and walking over to it, Blake following after a moment. I made sure to keep an eye out for them as they moved it out of the way.

"Son of a bitch! That's gonna take some time to clear out..." Blake groaned after they moved the tree, only to find more blocking them.

"Go help them, Doc. I've got ya'll covered." I said down to the Medic, who complied and went to help them.

_'They don't look like they've fallen down naturally... Some asshat's cut them down to hinder our progress...'_ I thought, frowning a little as the forest suddenly seemed to close in around me.

"Be careful over there! Seems like a trap to me..." I called out, looking around.

"Probably because you're still feeling like you're in Afghanistan!" Blake yelled back.

"Shut it! Callum came in from Mogadishu! That place was ten times worse!" I said, causing Callum to nod slowly.

"Died in the only place where the Militia was able to launch a counterattack on short notice. It's been about six months, and I've already forgotten the name of it. It's something Market..." He said, shaking his head and moving the next log with the others.

"My condolences then." Blake said, and rustling from behind me caused me to swivel the turret around, expecting glowing red eyes. As I tried looking through the darkness, I sorely wish I asked Duffy for his night vision goggles.

_"Mark! Something in the forest brought another human in!"_ Dawn shouted through the radio, startling me. I quickly took a seat and replied.

"Well what the hell was it?!" I half yelled, drawing a borrowed M1911 and looked through the windows.

_"I don't know, and that worries me! There's five people running around in that place now, and I think the zombies are awake!"_ He frantically yelled, causing me to swear.

"Well we're fucking stuck right now. We got a fucking roadblock up here, and something cut the trees down." I replied, and I could practically hear Dawn's eyes widening.

_"IT'S A FUCKING TRAP! GO AROUND!"_ He literally screamed, probably using what Williams said Luna sometimes uses, the Royal Canterlot Voice. I could practically_ feel_ the wind around me become hurricane strength for a second.

"SHIT! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!" I screamed, getting back on the turret and gritting my teeth as red eyes started popping up all around us.

"Doc, Blake! Get back to the truck! This is the last one!" Callum ordered, gritting his teeth as he slowly pushed what appeared to be the last log out of the way.

"Cover him Blake! Doc, get your ass in gear, I got you covered!" I shouted, firing a couple shots at a pair of eyes that were getting closer to Doc, who was scrambling towards me. Brass casings started pooling around my feet as I kept firing at anything that came close, and suddenly, a filly with her eyes clamped shut bolted out of the darkness and slammed into Doc, tripping him and sending him into the side of the Humvee, face first.

"Fuck!" He groaned, holding his face in one hand as he groped for the door handle with the other.

"You alright, kid?" I called down, while ripping a zombie to shreds.

"I don't think there's any goats here..." The filly groaned, stumbling to her feet as Doc got the door open.

"Yea, you're fine..." I muttered, getting down and pulling her into the Humvee as Blake and Callum booked it back to us.

"Hold on to your asses!" Callum yelled as he stomped on the accelerator, sending me to my ass and smashing the back of my head against the trunk. The filly sprawled across my chest, and when she opened her eyes...

...they were fucking glowing.

**Author's Note: Cliffhanger! I'm evil, aren't I? :P**

**Also, I've been lurking in the Halo/MLP area again, and I just realized something; I've never made Pinkie Pie break the fourth wall. Huh.**


	30. Rescue, part 2

**Reviews:**

**LexiconHuka: I don't exploit glitches unless it's absolutely nessesary.**

**Dragon'z Huka: And if you require amputation, you wouldn't bleed out because the wound would become instantly cauterized.**

**Gunsandgames: Thanks!**

**Analpoptarts: It'll all make sense... eventually :P**

**Productive faffer: Dunno.**

I don't know why I didn't yell, I just backed up against the trunk. Sadly, when I hit it, the trunk popped open, so I took a tumble out. Luck was somewhat on my side, as my foot got caught in a strap of my M60, sending it out with me. I hit the ground with a yelp that must've went unheard by the others, as the Humvee didn't stop.

"Shit..." I groaned, getting to my feet and really wishing that I had Duffy's goggles right now. Looking around, I couldn't see dick for more than five meters at best, and picked up the LMG, switching it into an MP40.

"Welp, I ain't going to get back to Ponyville or find the others standing around..." I muttered, before hearing something running and being slammed into a few seconds later.

'Fuck you, Murphy's Law...' I thought, shoving my assailant off of me and getting to my feet, only to discover that it was a teenager, looked to be in his late teens, and the first thing I noticed was that he was wearing Sonic's soap shoes from SA2. Fuck bro for being a Sonic fan, forcing that stuff onto me whether I liked it nor not. As I looked at him, he scrambled to his feet and looked around, before setting his eyes on me.

"'Ello there." I said in a British tone, grinning like an idiot.

"T-There's z-zombies following me." He stuttered out, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Bloody bastards put up a trap for our vehicle, and I sorta fell out of the back." I replied, looking around. "You wouldn't happen to have night vision goggles, would you?" I asked.

"All I have is the clothes on my back and my iPod." He replied.

"Bloody figures... Alright, which way did you come from?" I asked.

"Behind me." He replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Right then. I vote that we go the other way." I said, grabbing the hood of his jacket and started running in the opposite direction, keeping on the trail.

"How do you know where you're going?!" He asked after I let go, keeping up with me.

"Came this way when we appeared in here. What do you remember before coming to?" I asked, keeping an eye out for any weird looking lights or something.

"I got shot by a few gang members. Is this hell?" He replied, probably not even fazed at this point.

"May seem that way, but no." I answered, letting off a few rounds between two glowing red eyes. "Just a world that happens to have a forest where everything wants to kill you, including the dead. So, you see any other humans besides me out here?"

"Two of them. One was carrying a weapon like that and speaking some weird language, while the other gave me some first aid for a few scratches." He replied, pulling his jacket up and showing me a chest covered in bandages, which was sorta red.

_"Was one of them speaking like this?"_ I asked in German.

"Just like that!" He said, nodding.

"Welp, I guess I found the German..." I muttered, stopping and looking around.

"What is it?" He asked, stopping next to me.

"It's way too bloody quiet... I can't even hear the insects..." I muttered, raising my MP40 and becoming cautious as fuck.

_"H..o..?"_ A distant voice called out, making me whirl around to face the source.

_"Identify yourself!"_ I shouted as loud as I could, causing the kid to wince.

_"P... Schmidt... Wehrmacht..."_ The person shouted back, getting clearer as he came closer.

"What's your name, kid?" I quietly asked, looking around to see if the shouting attracted anything.

"Sergio Sarceno." He replied, holding out a hand. I shook it with a small grin.

"General Mark Durnkinscoff of the USMC and EM." I replied. The sound of something running through the undergrowth made me let go of his hand and raise my MP40, ready to shoot anything that isn't human or is hostile.

_"Don't shoot!"_ The German said, coming out with his hands behind his head. I took a moment to check out his gear. He wore a uniform that was commonly worn on the Eastern Front, telling me that he died fighting the Soviet Union. He had an MP40 dangling next to his waist and from what I could tell he also had a Kar98k strapped to his back, along with four 'potato masher' grenades in loops alongside his belt, two on either side.

_"What's your name, soldier?"_ I asked, lowering my weapon slightly.

_"Private Helmut Schmidt. May I ask the same of you?"_ He replied, lowering his arms.

_"General Mark Durnkinscoff, sadly not of the Nazi Wehrmacht. I'm a part of the United States Marine Corps, and more recently of the Equestrian Military."_ I answered, before narrowing my eyes a little. _"Care to tell me exactly why you joined up?"_

_"It's not like I had a choice, sir. It was either join up or be killed for being Jewish."_ He replied, causing me to nod in respect.

"How well do you speak English?" I asked, finally relaxing a little.

_"Not very well, I'm afraid. The other US soldiers found that out rather quickly. One of them threatened me as soon as he saw me."_ He replied, frowning a little.

_"Helps that he was in the same war as you, which we won, by the way. Hitler killed himself in 1945, and we forced the Japanese to surrender several months later."_ I explained, shrugging.

_"Good riddance."_ He said, and we suddenly heard some shuffling coming down the trail.

"Sergio, do you know how to fire a rifle?" I asked, tensing up once again.

"Yea, why?" He asked, looking at me.

"Schmidt, give the kid your rifle, and several clips of ammo." I commanded, glaring forward. He quickly complied, pulling a few clips of ammunition for his rifle out of several pockets and handing them over along with his Kar98k.

"When you see a pair of glowing red orbs, aim for the middle. Ask Schmidt to show you how to reload, and be thankful that it isn't an M1 Garand, as you could lose your thumb." I quickly said, getting down on one knee. Sergio nodded and looked down the sights, aiming to the left of me, while Schmidt took my back and right, completing a triangle of death.

_"Incoming, my left!"_ Schmidt shouted, firing off a couple rounds, while I switched my MP40 out for a BAR.

"Sergio, three on your left!" I called out after glancing over at him. Sergio fired as quickly as one could with a bolt-action rifle, only missing once. As I prepared to rip a zombie to shreds, somebody beat me to the punch, the report of another BAR firing and a few pairs of eyes faded.

"Friendlies coming in!" Someone shouted, and I held my fire. Out of the darkness came two people; one of them was carrying the BAR that I heard, had a ammunition bandoleer strapped to his chest, and was from WWII. The other was dressed up in black, had a gasmask attached to his face, and was carrying a shotgun. A bit of a closer inspection indicated that it was a 12-gauge.

"Names?" I asked as they crouched next to me and Sergio, panting a little.

"Private Luke Gallan of the United States Army, Infantry." WWII dude replied, giving me a quick salute.

"Private Connor o'Drake." Gasmask said with a slightly muffled New Zealand accent.

"Pleasure to meet the both of you. Either of you get bitten?" I asked, scanning for any hostiles.

"Nope." They both replied.

"Sergio here got all cut up, but I fixed him up good. Can't say anything about that Nazi, though." Gallan said, glaring a hole into Schmidt's back.

"Easy there, Gallan. He's Jewish, and was forced to fight. Probably wasn't even on the same continent you were when he died." I replied, getting a stare from Connor. Gallan shrugged, and suddenly we were bathed in headlights, causing Schmidt and Sergio to cry out in both pain and surprise.

"You boys need a lift?" Doc called out, sticking his upper body out of the window.

"Ride's here!" I said with a little relief lacing my voice. I repeated it in German for Schmidt, who nodded.

"What kind of vehicle is that?" Gallan asked when he stopped blinking from being half blinded.

"It's called a Humvee. The United States, in my time period, is currently using them as a lightly armored vehicle. Think of a jeep, but with more armor." I explained, sliding in and getting on the turret again. "What's the sitrep, Doc?" I asked as the others got in after me.

"Found the Staff Sargeant lying in the forest, unconscious. He doesn't have any bites on him, so that's a good sign." Doc said, and I just noticed the form of a SS about a foot from my feet. I also noticed that the filly from before was nowhere in sight.

"Alrighty then. Is everyone in?" I asked, looking down. When they agreed, I slapped the roof and Duran stomped on the gas.

_'Let's get the fuck out of this forest already.'_ I thought, glaring at the lights that just watched us leave.

**Author's Note: The story will be paused in a few more chapters, so I've started bracing myself for the shitstorm that will ensue.**


	31. Freedom! From the Forest

**Reviews:**

**LexiconHuka: It'll be for about ten to twenty updates worth in this story, so don't worry. About two or three months, since I have to go back to school soon.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: First time for everything!**

**Gunsandgames: I'm allergic to shitstorms. I need to hole up in my bunker before it happens.**

**RenaTamer: First, thanks, and I am having fun writing this. Second, sure, just send me the details in a PM and I'll get around to adding it eventually.**

**Author's Note: I'm putting in a rough gestimate of about three to ten more chapters until the pause, so I'm warning ya'll ahead of time. Also, several of you already know that there's going to be a war with as many soldiers being brought. Two, one being the means for the pause, the other will be after the alternate story finishes (And when this story continues updating).**

"Hold up." I said when I guessed that we were about a hundred yards away from the edge of the forest.

"What is it?" Gallan asked as I sat down, looking at the four of them. SS was still unconscious, so someone would have to talk to him later.

"We're going into a town soon, and I'm first asking that you hand over all explosives so I can properly store them." I said, zipping open my backpack and putting it in front of me. Gallan put two potato mashers and a pineapple grenade in, Schmidt unhooked his potato mashers, and o'Drake put the Sergeant's frag grenade in for him.

"Why didn't you ask for our other munitions?" Gallan asked, leaning up against the side and glancing at his BAR.

"Two reasons. One, I trust you to not go on a rampage and slaughter civilians. Two, humans kinda need an edge against the inhabitants anyway. They have magic, flight, and strength, while we have instant death." I explained, causing all of them to look at me.

"Did you just say magic?" o'Drake asked, sounding skeptical.

"We're in a different universe, brought here by select beings. Well, except for Sergio here. He was brought in by an unknown force." I said with a shrug.

"Way to make me feel special..." Sergio muttered.

"Anyway, the civilians aren't human. I'm letting you know that now, so that you won't freak out as much when you see them." I said, before tapping Duran's shoulder, causing him to continue driving.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" I heard Connor mutter, lightly tapping his head against the inside of the Humvee.

"If anyone should get bad feelings, it should be me, Schmidt, Gallan, and the guys up front." I told him, shrugging. "The lot of us, save for Blake, went through hellholes and ended up here."

"Which one's Blake?" Gallan asked.

"I am." Blake said, looking back at us. I swear to whatever god these people worship, that the British have developed the NCR Combat Ranger Armor, because the glass where his eyes were fucking glows.

_"That's fucking creepy."_ Schmidt muttered.

_"Meet your new British comrade, Schmidt."_ I said with a chuckle. He just shrugged in response, fiddling with the bolt to his rifle.

"There's Fluttershy an' the others." Doc muttered to me, causing me to turn around and look through the windshield. Standing on the path a few yards from Ponyville were Duffy, Duran, the Elements of Harmony, Ditzy Doo, and Dinky Doo. Turning back to look at the others, who also looked with me, I noticed that o'Drake was shaking a little.

"What's wrong?" I asked, before I instantly understood. "Connor, listen to me." I said, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to look at me. "They're not going to hurt you. You don't even need to interact with them, alright? Just stay behind us and you'll be fine."

"A-Alright..." He finally said, shaking but nodded anyway.

"Doc, would you mind if you let Connor live with you? Guy's scared shitless of equines." I muttered to Isaac, who thought for a moment.

"I'll have to ask Fluttershy first, but I personally have no problems with it." He whispered back. I nodded and suddenly had a thought strike me.

_'What's the marriage terms in Equestria? Fuck, I've been with AJ for just about a year now. I popped the question to Amber after six months of dating, after all.'_ I thought, hiding a small frown as I helped Schmidt carry the Staff Sergeant out of the trunk once we stopped.

"Anybody want to put up with an unconscious human?" I called out, looking over the mares that were chatting with each other.

"I think Vinyl Scratch and Octavia have a few rooms open." Dash called back, shrugging.

"Good enough. Sergio, Duffy. Bring him down there, Sergio gets to stay with him when he wakes up. Explain the situation to him and try to get him to open up on how he died." I ordered, nodding to the two humans. They complied, and Dash led them off towards the musicians' pad.

"Alright. Since we got that out of the way, Doc has a question for you, Fluttershy." I said, clapping my hands. Doc walked over to her after muttering something to o'Drake.

"So, who can I hold a surprise party for?" Pinkie was bouncing in front of me quite suddenly, giving me a creepy ass grin.

"The one in the gasmask is off limits for all large parties, I'm afraid. He has his reasons, and we don't want him to have a heart attack. Normal parties for the rest of them." I said, jabbing a thumb back at Connor, who was slowly backing away from Pinks.

"What's wrong with him? Does he have a condition? Ohh! Is he sick?!" Pinkie seemed to spew out at a rate of which I was barely able to grasp.

"He's bloody afraid of ponies, lass. Don't tell anyone." I whispered, stopping her from spewing out more nonsense.

"Ohhhh..." She nodded sagely, before zipping off somewhere.

_"...What do I do, Mark?"_ Schmidt asked, while Gallan seemed to be the life of whatever conversation that he was having with Blake and the others.

_"You'll be staying with me on the farm, since nobody else in town speaks German."_ I answered, patting his shoulder a little and retrieving my backpack. From the somewhat fearful looks on the humans that weren't in the forest, they knew exactly what was in it.

"Come on, now! I only have WWII grenades in here, plus a modern frag grenade!" I exclaimed, not relieving them of any fears. "Bah, you people don't know your explosives as much as me anyway..."

"Shall we go back to the farm, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, trotting over to me and Schmidt.

"Sure, but we're having a guest over until he learns English." I said with a nod to Schmidt. Applejack hmm'd and circled around him, probably gauging how well he could pull his own weight.

"We're leaving. Come along, Connor." Doc said, wrapping an arm around the New Zealander's shoulders and putting him in the Humvee, hopping in with Fluttershy. I could see Connor get as far away as he could from the pegasus as they drove off.

_"Why's the horse bending me like this?"_ Schmidt asked, causing me to look and suppress a laugh. Applejack was bending Schmidt over in a small test to see how developed his spine was, and he was taking it the wrong way.

Then again, when she did that to me I thought she was going to make Big Mac mount me or something.

"She's just testing the strength of your spine. And they prefer to be called ponies." I said. At that moment, Dawn appeared, getting an alarmed shout from Schmidt, followed by a thump as the Nazi hit the ground. Since the others had already left, it was just me, Schmidt, and Applejack blinking away the light.

_'"I don't care what religion the fucker follows, he's still a fucking Nazi."'_ I remembered Gallan saying with a frown. But I couldn't help but to agree with him, even a little bit. I'm pretty sure that it was the American in me.

"Sorry about that." Dawn said, brushing imaginary dust off of his uniform. "Messed up a spell, but while I'm here..." He then looked down at Schmidt. "What do you want me to do with him?" He asked me.

"He's Jewish, so I'll be keeping an eye on him to make sure he doesn't try to kill anyone." I said, crossing my arms.

"Jewish, huh? That complicates things..." He said, rubbing a hoof. Thankfully, Schmidt didn't understand squat about what was going on, probably just picking up one or two words. "Think you can convert him to being Christian or Athiest?"

"Buddy, I need to teach him English before anything else." I said, shaking my head. "And I don't dabble in religious shit, it's not my place." I added after a moment. "You're Death, dammit. Do it yourself."

"I suppose that I've asked enough of you as it is..." He finally sighed, before nodding. "Very well, I'll see you in a week to see how it's going with his teaching." With that, he flashed out of existance.

"Well, allonsy!" I said after a moment, getting Schmidt up to his feet and started lightly jogging down the road towards the farm.

"Oh, here's a present!" Dawn's voice shouted from somewhere, and I suddenly got beaned in the face by a brown ball.

"Mark!" Schmidt yelled.

"Sugarcube!" AJ yelled at the same time, while I clutched my face.

_'Every. Fucking. TIME!'_ I couldn't help but think, knowing that my nose broke once _afuckinggain_. Ignoring the pain that I was becoming used to, I saw what hit my face at the speed of a bullet. It was an American football.

"Well... We got a sport we can play..." I groaned, sporting a mild grin while tossing it to Schmidt.

**Author's Note: Next chapter is where the side story roughly begins. Not actually starting, but timeline wise.**


	32. Assignments

**Reviews:**

**iTsTealblast: Thinking around there.**

**LexiconHuka: I've beaten Stephan halfway to death with a pool noodle once, for accidentally shooting me in the leg. (.357 revolver to be exact.)**

About a month after we got everyone settled in (Only one or two incidents where I threatened to blow their fucking head off because of their comments about the ponies), it was a normal day. Well, as normal as Ponyville considers. Also, Schmidt got Scoots to open up and she revealed that she was actually an orphan. He took her under his metaphorical wing, and Dash found out, much to Scootaloo's fears.

Dash is starting to work harder with Scoots to get her to fly. She's doing her best to make a pegasus out of a chicken. Metaphorical chicken, but still.

And Gallan found my iPod (and M1911) when he appeared. I gave him fifty bits in return, causing him to faint for a few minutes. When he awoke, I told him that gold was commonplace, causing him to promptly faint again. Dude was a dirt poor farmer before coming, so I understood that.

Anyway, I was chatting with Schmidt (he's getting better in English, thankfully), when Dawn appeared and, without saying anything, teleported us away.

"The fuck?!" I coughed out, a little smoke coming from my mouth as if we were in a cartoon. Schmidt was brushing ash off of him.

"I need your help." Dawn said, standing over us, his gaze settled on my face. "And I would rather ask as a friend than give an order as your CO." He added as I got to my feet.

"Alright, what is it, Dawn?" I asked, cracking my neck.

"There's a fieldtrip going to the Canterlot Sculpture Garden tomorrow, and I want you two to acompany them to check up on a certain statue. I would go, but I'm too busy trying my best to keep the Gryphons from Canada settled down." Dawn explained.

"...And you need us why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You have one of the only radios in this country that's linked with mine." He said with a nod towards a desk, which housed a radio.

"It's bulky as hell, but yea." I said, nodding. "You could've chosen anyone else, though. Why us?" I asked, folding my arms and looking at him.

"...You're not ponies, and the only true alliegence you have is to your men." He finally said, starting to pace. "And even that might not be enough. I'm asking you this so you can get a feel for doing errands nobody else really wants to do."

"You've done that before?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, but that's not the point. I know there's a shitstorm coming, and it will either be within or from external sources. We're having major problems with the griffins, and Celestia is brooding. I don't know what, but I know she's planning something." He explained, pacing in front of us as we took a seat on a couch. While he thought for a moment, I took that time to clean my pistol.

_'If I just aim it at him while he's turned away, he won't be able to react in time to stop the bullet...'_ I thought, and prepared to aim.

_"What are you doing?"_ Schmidt asked, snapping me back to my senses.

_"W-What the hell? Was I seriously going to shoot Dawn?"_ I asked, tossing my gun to the ground in shock.

"It looked like that. Seems that I was right to ask you to visit the statue." Dawn said, causing my attention to turn to him. He was staring at my chest, frowning.

"Yea..." I muttered, putting my face in my hands. "We'll go take a look later..."

"Duran will meet with you two at the train station tomorrow at about 9 AM, with Cheerilee and their class. Schmidt will carry the radio, and you bring whatever you think is necessary." Dawn said, before teleporting us away.

**[The next day]**

_"You got it strapped on right?"_ I asked, checking the ammunition in a magazine for my M1911. I had decided to bring along two frag grenades, one of them what Huka (The Staff Sergeant that we rescued) had brought along with him, and the other was a makeshift one that I created in about an hour.

_"Yes, I do. Stop worrying so much, Mark."_ Schmidt replied, as the little ones that Cheerilee and Duran had to control came up onto the platform like the idjits some were. The CMCs were first, and I was assaulted by Applebloom while Scoots jumped at Schmidt.

Scootaloo had less of a 'tough' fascade now that she was officially adopted (I had to help him wade through the forms and shit).

"You two going somewhere?" Duran asked, shouldering his M16.

'Glad that I was able to make clay bullets for him. Hurts like a bitch, but they won't kill unless he hits one of them in the eye.' I found myself thinking, before shrugging.

"Dawn didn't tell you?" I asked.

"Tell me what?" So he didn't.

"We're coming along so we can check up on a sculpture in the garden. Figure I'd give Schmidt a tour of the garden too." I explained, patting the German's shoulder. Schmidt nodded, not completely understanding what I just said.

"An' the doohickey on his back?" Applebloom asked from my arms, as I was holding her. Schmidt was doing the same to Scoots and Sweetie Belle.

"We're gonna use it to talk to Dawn when we're done." I replied, patting her head and sitting down on a chair on the train. After a moment, Applebloom hopped down from my arms, as did Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo from Schmidt's.

_"So, did he tell you what the statue is supposed to look like?"_ Schmidt asked, leaning back as much as the radio would allow.

_"He said that I'd be able to tell when I see it."_ I replied, fiddling with my homemade grenade.

_"...If you blow us up I'll kill you."_ Schmidt deadpanned.

_"Relax, I'm not an idiot."_ I waved it in his face with a shit-eating grin. His stare didn't show any fear, which made me huff and clip it back onto my jacket.

_"So, what rank were you before you died?"_ Schmidt asked, and I noticed that the brat Diamond Tiara was coming over, but didn't comment on that.

_"I was actually a Corporal, in the USMC. I didn't become a General until I made a deal with Dawn."_ I answered, leaning back.

_"What was the deal?"_ He asked.

_"All humans are protected by him personally, unless they decide otherwise, in return for my enlistment as a General. I also have my own Spec. Ops. squad, if you're interested."_ I explained, holding my hand out for him to shake. After a moment, he grabbed my hand with his own, and gave me a nod.

_"I'd be honored to fight alongside you, sir."_ He said.

_"First order; cut that sir shit, you're not in uniform."_ I said, deadly serious. He was wearing a simple shirt and jeans, but did have his boots on. At this point, I noticed that Diamond Tiara was bullying Scootaloo, and nobody else noticed.

"Hey, Tiara!" I called out, turning her attention to me. Without even letting her say anything, I unhooked a grenade, pulled the pin, and tossed it at her. Schmidt didn't even let it hit the floor as he literally flew away from me, and everyone else who knew what a grenade did too. Tiara was frozen in shock as the grenade blew up...

**Author's Note: And I'll stop here :P**


	33. Old Jobs, New Shit

**Reviews:**

**Gunsandgames: Mark didn't have C-4**

**LexiconHuka: Mark flashbang'd me when I was on the toilet once. I got a concussion and had to go to the hospital for blood loss and a skull fracture.**

**iTsTealblast: Much. Much is going on. And yea, a certain 'insane' being was altering his actions briefly.**

**WhiteCat2011: srsly.**

**Anonymous Flame Golem: Maybe~**

**RenaTamer: I've done that before with a smoke grenade. And your OC will be introduced after a set amount of chapters (When these two episodes of the show end, it will be the next one.)**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Seriously, how many people actually like Diamond Tiara? She's a spoiled bitchbrat.**

**garebare65: Don't think I've actually had this many reviews by one person 0.0**  
**Anyway, no Gravity Hammers.**

**blastburnman: Alrighty, I'll see to getting Michael in somewhere. (Alternate story)**

**anon: **

**Oh my god: Yes, yes it is.**

...And I couldn't help but fall to the floor, laughing hard as she stood there in shock, confetti floating around her face. I had to stop when I heard the report of a rifle and a clay bullet slammed into my chest, making me wince.

"Worth it..." I wheezed, sitting up slowly, rubbing my chest with a hand as I made _absolutely_ sure the other grenade wasn't live. After a while of nothing happening, I got up to use the bathroom. Of course, I had to pass by Diamond Tiara on the way.

"When we get back to Ponyville, I'll tell daddy to get the Guards stationed there to arrest that ape." Was the gist of what she said. I couldn't help but grin as I kept going.

"Well, tell them that he's armed and ready to blow their heads off." I said when I returned, loud enough to where she would definitely hear it.

_'See how long it would take for them to realize that I'm a superior officer, I'm a Spec. Ops. leader, I have more firepower than they can imagine, and I would be able to blow up their barracks without leaving a trace of ever being there.'_ I thought, chuckling a little.

"What's so funny?" Schmidt asked as I retook my seat.

"We may have some visitors later." Was all that I replied, already getting bored. Now I'm starting to wish I had brought another confetti grenade; the CMCs seemed to like it.

_'Hmm... I need to try something...'_ I thought, and grabbed my beating stick. Thinking hard, I couldn't help but let out a small laugh as it turned into what I wanted it to; an energy sword from Halo. It looked like the Halo 2 version. Even while deactivated.

"What's that?" Duran asked, sitting across from me as I examined the deactivated weapon.

"A shakeweight. Actually, it's an energy sword from Halo. It's a video game that came out after you died." I replied, pressing the activation button and nearly sliced off his nose by accident. "4.32 feet long and dual blades that are made of hardened plasma. Shit will slice through a tank's armor like it was made of butter. Melted butter, at that." I said, before deactivating it and examining for special grooves or something.

"Is it safe to touch the blade?" He asked.

"What part of 'hardened plasma' and 'could slice through a tank' didn't you get? Plasma will pretty much melt your hand off before you can see it happen. You get run through with this, you're fucked. Damn thing would slice through your chest like it was made of smoke." I deadpanned, making him nod and turn a little pale.

"So, how's he doing with his English?" Duran asked, nodding at Schmidt.

"I'm getting better. Still hard, but I say it good." Schmidt replied, stumbling on his words a little.

"How's Callum's black ass doing?" I asked, putting the 'shakeweight' energy sword into my pocket, and made a quick prayer to God (Even though I'm still Atheist, pricks) that it didn't activate while in my trousers.

"He's doing fine, helping Der- Ditzy around with the mail." He said, almost insulting Ditzy. One of the reasons I almost blew one of their heads off was because of that. No matter what she says we can call her, my men are going to fucking use her name, not her nickname. The door behind me and Schmidt suddenly opened and a few of the foals that we were halfheartedly watching over screamed, causing me to rip the energy sword hilt out and activate it before whirling around, the tip barely an inch from a young changeling (foal?)'s muzzle.

"What in the world...?" I muttered, deactivating the sword again and picked up a shivering bugpony, wondering what in the hell is going on. His (Fuck, not like I can tell) muzzle was warm, but that was probably due to almost coming into contact with hardened plasma. I sat down hard, and simply stared out the window as Cheerilee and Duran worked to get the kids under control, slowly stroking a shivering insect.

_'I think this just made it to my top five list of weird ass days...'_ I thought, frowning a little. A chirp brought my attention to the bug in my grasp, and I checked it over for damages, much to the changeling's confusion.

"Can you understand me?" I quietly asked, getting a small nod and another chirp.

_'Step one, complete.'_ I thought.

"Can you speak?" A shake and another chirp made me sigh in annoyance and lean back some more, rubbing my face with a hand. It's a fucking foal, alright.

"Is that a changeling?" Applebloom asked, making me look down at her. She and the changeling were regarding each other with interest.

"Young one, by the looks of it. Can't even speak English yet." I answered, putting him down in front of her. They poked at each other, and the changeling decided to retreat between my feet when Sweetie Belle came over cautiously.

_"Fucking... I think I just got forced into adopting a_ changeling..." I groaned, not remembering the German word for changeling, so I said it in English.

"Look at bright side." Schmidt said, turning all those that heard (Me, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and the changeling. Don't know where Scoots was.) towards him. "Least you can have child with Applejack now." Fuck, he's right.

"That's true... She can't actually have my child, since she's a pony..." I muttered, before looking at Applebloom.

"Yes, big brother?" She asked adorably, making me d'aww inside. Confound these ponies, they drive me to be soft!

"Quick, tell me if it's a colt or a filly. I can't tell with other races." I said, holding out the changeling for her and making sure to use the pony version of boy/girl.

_'I can barely tell when it comes to ponies.'_ I added in my mind. A moment later, Applebloom told me that it was a filly. I simply nodded and let the changeling fall asleep in my lap, looking cute as fuck.

"We're here!" Cheerilee called out when the train started stopping. We (Schmidt, the changeling, and I) took that as our cue to stand up, the bug filly buzzing up to land on my left shoulder. Once outside, I faced away from everyone and made a few practice swings to get a feel for my new found energy sword. After a few seconds of bullshitting around with it, I turned it off and jogged to catch up with the group, taking the transceiver for the radio in hand and keying it to the first few notes of Terminator 2: Judgement Day's theme.

_"Yes?"_ Dawn's voice cracked to life.

"We're in Canterlot, heading towards the garden." I replied, before looking at the changeling and decided to switch to German to fuck with eavesdroppers.

_"I've hit a bit of a snag, and found a flaw with my beating stick that I'm exploiting from now on."_ I said, getting a sigh.

_"What are they?"_ Dawn asked.

_"A changeling filly, I think, decided to adopt me as her father, and the weapon can turn into an energy sword from the video game Halo."_ I explained.

_"...Applejack might react negatively towards the kid, but I suggest letting her stay. As for the weapon, do you want me to fix the flaw?"_ He asked, and I instantly knew my answer.

_"Hell no. The sword is able to slice through the walls of your castle without causing me to break a sweat."_ I replied with a grin.

_"Alright then. Radio me in later with intel on the statue. Dawn out."_ He said, and stopped talking while also causing me to leave the radio alone.

"Welp, allonsy!" I chirped, and started strolling down the street rather fast so I could catch up with our group.

**[At the garden]**

Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo were having an argument, which they were doing for a while. Schmidt and I were lagging at the back of the group, inspecting all of the statues closely for damage.

"Can anypony guess as to what this statue represents?" Cheerilee called out, standing to what I could only call an abomination. One goat leg, one lizard leg, a lion paw, an antler, and two different wings.

"Butt ugly?" I muttered, before stepping forward as the CMCs did too, struggling to get their voices out at the same time.

"Confusion!"

"Evil!"

"Chaos!"

"It's Discord." I said, causing Cheerilee to nod at me. Hell, I didn't even know where that popped up from. It just came into my head and forced itself out of my mouth before I could comprehend what it meant.

"Actually, all four of you are correct, though Mark said the exact meaning." Cheerilee said, looking down at the pile o' filly. "In fact, you three have demonstrated discord so well, you are to write a report on it." She added, causing DT to snicker as they walked off.

"This the statue?" Schmidt asked as I looked around it.

"Yea..." I murmured, freezing when it started cracking and I heard a menacing chuckle. "Did you hear that?" I quietly asked Schmidt, who shook his head in confusion. Without another word, I ripped the transcever out and didn't even wait for the keying, "DAWN!" I shouted, causing the changeling still on my shoulder and Schmidt to recoil.

_"What in the name of ponyhell is it?!"_ He growled.

"Discord is breaking free." I said, and I heard a thump.


	34. Discord, Part 1

**Reviews:**

**LexiconHuka:**  
**Mark: You think I haven't tried that? It was the first thing I did that I never wrote down in these journals. Sadly, it can't happen.**

**Gunsandgames: My bunker is always open for others to weather out the shitstorm!**

**iTsTealblast: Lemme hear it over a PM.**

**darthmasterbane: Hm? No, MLP:FiM doesn't exist as a show in this fanfiction.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Ehh... If I had to go after a filly it would either be Sweetie Belle (Marshmallow ass) or Scootaloo (Orphans are always fun to break in).**

**XshadowwriterzX: Thanks**

**RenaTamer: Thanks, I'm doing something pretty much like that, and no, I haven't. Shit, I just got my first two blind bags a few days ago.**

**Blood-Red Banner (ch3): Our last name is actually Duncan, but he changed it when he turned 18 to Durnkinscoff. (We're Americans, but have German ancestory. Our German last name is Schmidt. Guess the connection.)**  
**(ch7): It's like me not liking veggiburgers.**  
**(ch8): You try being an immortal person, who has to watch everyone he knows and loves die before his eyes, then have to collect their souls scant moments later. You'd get a little dickish too.**

**spartan1735: Yeppers.**

**Author's Note: If anyone out there is a good drawer, I will give ya'll serious props if you can draw this scene; Mark, Schmidt, and the changeling foal just standing around, with Mark talking into a radio that's connected to Schmidt's back. Mark is white, just fyi. If you're up to the challenge, PM me and I will give you more Intel.**

**Author's Note 2: Just for your information, Mark watched Star Trek/Star Wars when he was on Earth, so you'll understand some of the comments I write down later.**

After a long moment (in which the statue exploded into a bright light, and the abomination that was Discord flew off, cackling like a madman. We fired about fifty rounds at him, but the bullets turned into pieces of chocolate on impact.), Dawn finally spoke up.

_"...Get on the horn to Ponyville. I want every human to get their asses up here as soon as possible. Make sure to order them to have a force of six to protect the Elements. We both know that Celestia is going to want them up here." He said. "I need to go inform her. If you hear me scream like a little kid, I'm simply fucking around with the pricks that inhabit her day court."_ He added.

Seconds later, I instantly knew what he meant.

_"AUNTIE 'TIA!"_ Somewhere in the castle, Dawn screamed with the force only a young'un could use. Along with the help of the best damn microphone and speakers that inhabit the universe. (It was later confirmed to have woken up Dash, which is a feat in itself if the time of day is before noon.)

"...I think I just went deaf..." Schmidt muttered, digging a finger into his right ear and wiping out a mixture of ear wax and blood.

"Doc. Callum. One of you two answer the fucking radio." I said, wiping a little blood from my ears too.

_"What is it Mark? Is it about that scream we heard?"_ Doc said after a moment, and I could practically see _and_ hear Fluttershy clinging to his back.

"We need every man to haul ass to Canterlot. Get someone to protect Applejack and Twilight, the rest of you will protect the ones you are with." I ordered.

_"And what about Fluttershy? I'm a noncombatant."_ He asked, causing me to think for a split second.

"Connor will assist you in getting her here safely. I'm not doubting for a second that Celestia has told the Elements to get here, so all of you will accompany them." I said.

_"Will I be leaving the Humvee here?"_ He asked.

"I'm afraid so. Only ways up to the castle are teleportation, flying, climbing, or the train. The Humvee wasn't built to go over tracks." I finally said. "Make sure to bring as many munitions as possible, though. We'll more than likely need them." I added, before putting the transceiver down and looking at Schmidt.

"Go to castle?" He asked.

"Go to the castle. C'mon." I nodded, and looked around once before jogging towards the front doors.

**[Later]**

With Dawn's 'suggestion', me and Schmidt set up shop with the changeling (still on my shoulder) at the bottom of the set of stairs that Sunbutt was at the top of, glaring down at the back of our heads. After a moment, I put the filly in Schmidt's lap, stood up, and started swinging my energy sword around.

"Think fast!" Dawn yelled from behind me, and I had barely enough time to whirl around and slice a stick that he got from somewhere into two burning slices. Sunbutt glared at him as he sent random shit at me, and soon there was a pile of smoldering crap at the bottom of the staircase. I only missed a few, and sported a good sized bruise on my chest.

"Princess Celestia! We came as fast as we could!" Twilight suddenly shouted, the doors behind me opening quite suddenly. It took all of my self control to not toss my remaining grenade behind me and hit the deck when it opened. What happened next almost brought a tear to my eye. Almost.

Every single man (except Sergio, because he stayed behind) fanned out, rifles at the ready. They quickly took up defensive positions where it was possible, keeping their weapons trained on any exit within sight, while Schmidt, the changeling, and I grouped up with the Elements.

"Orders?" Connor asked as I started going up the stairs, being the closest to me. I could also tell that he was visibly straining to stop from bolting off. At least that gasmask of his hid the fear in his eyes.

"Connor, Callum, and Duran; stay here and don't let anyone in. Whether it be guard or civilian, if they try to keep coming in, shoot them. Don't let it be lethal unless absolutely necessary. Everyone else, with me." I said. "Duran's in charge, listen to him." I added, looking at the three I told to stay behind.

"Yes, Sir!" They said, snapping to attention and giving me crisp salutes. It made me proud. Connor and Callum quickly did what Duran told them to, getting into positions on the far sides of the staircase, while the rest of them followed after me and the others.

We soon arrived at an asslong hallway that had stained glass windows on either side, and I sent Gallan and Schmidt to go down to the other end to secure it. Gallan reluctantly did, still not completely trusting Schmidt.

"So, Sugarcube..." AJ began as Sunbutt explained to the rest of the mares as why they were there. "Why is there a changelin' on ya shoulder?"

"Dawn thinks it's a good idea to adopt her, seeing as she's already adopted me as a sort of guardian." I replied, and got a look of both shock and mild disgust.

"But she's a _changeling_!" She growled, causing me to sigh.

"And I'm a _human_. Yet you think it's perfectly fine to be with me." I retorted, causing her to falter.

"T-That's different... Ya didn't try to take over the country..." She stammered, glancing around. I saw that Dawn was paying attention to us, but to his credit, AJ didn't notice. The other humans, especially Duffy and Blake, were too. I bet that if Callum were here, he'd be paying attention the most. (Guy already gets enough questions about the difference in his skin color from the ponies.)

"So you're going to blame the actions of an entire race on one foal? That's pretty much what Celestia is doing with us, Applejack. You ponies may be blind to her emotions, but we all can see that she hates us." I stated, walking a little faster to leave AJ with some time to think.

"A little harsh, don't you think?" Dawn asked, looking up at me.

"She needs to learn that, even though her Element is Honesty, not everything is as it seems." I replied, taking a glance at the foal on my shoulder, which chirped at me. I smiled a little bit and rubbed her head, and felt an odd feeling in the back of my skull as I did.

"She's feeding off of your positive emotions. From what I've seen from changelings, let her. She's starving, which is probably why she latched onto you so easily." Dawn whispered, and so I did as he said, letting the filly get her fill from my emotions.

During the feeding session, I couldn't help but look at the back of Duffy's head, and held back a laugh.

"Duffy, why in the hell did you color part of your hair pink?" I asked. He groaned and pulled some sort of sticky substance out.

"It's fucking cotton candy. The bed turned into it while I was asleep." He muttered, flinging it away (and into Pinkie's mouth, who popped out of nowhere to eat it).

"Hold on a second!" Pinkie suddenly declared, as we looked back to discover that our journey had met its end. "Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain! _Chocolate rain!_" She said, getting up in Twi's face, and I swear, her eyes almost popped out of her sockets.

"I think I have that song on my iPod, actually..." I muttered, fishing out the old thing and looking up the song. Yep, there it is. Twilight muttered something to Sunbutt, who turned around and stuck her horn into a hole in the doors.

_"Oooh. Kinky."_ I couldn't help but say in German, earning a glare from Sunbutt as she withdrew her horn and looked at me. A somewhat odd lightshow later, the doors opened and Rarity was the first to speak up.

"You can keep the Elements, I'll just take that box!" She said while Celestia levitated the box out and opened it up...

...to reveal an empty box.

"I totally saw that coming." I couldn't help but say, as the only ones who didn't look surprised were me, the changeling, and Dawn. And of course, Pinkie.

"Ah well! If anypony needs me, I'll be outside in the chocolate puddles with a giant swizzle straw!" She said, trotting off over to us.

"Pay up." I muttered, holding out my hand. She grumbled a little, but handed me three bits, which I quickly pocketed. The changeling chirped inquisitively at me, causing me to glance at Dawn.

"What is it?" He asked, as Pinks trotted back to the group and started messing around with Gallan, a kinda creepy grin on her face.

"I can understand the way in which she chirps. I get feelings from it." I muttered, nodding my head at the changeling.

"Dunno... Maybe she formed a psychic link with you or something?" He muttered, rubbing his chin as Sunbutt finally snapped back to her senses.

"This doesn't make any sense! I placed a spell on that box that only I could break!" She exclaimed, starting to pace, before evil laughter echoed through the hall. All of us immediately raised our weapons, while I ignited my sword and looked around.

"What fun is there in making sense?" A very familiar voice called out, causing me to pause.

_'That's Q from Star Trek...'_ I thought, before shaking my head and holding it.

"I really,_ really_ need some fucking meat right about now..." I muttered, and Fluttershy heard me as she went green and quickly bolted behind Thompson.


	35. Bonus Chapter: Lust

**Reviews:**

**iTsTealblast:**  
**Duffy: The entire HOUSE turned into cotton candy!**  
**Dash: I was too busy chasing down rouge clouds to notice right away, so he had to sit in our bed for a while... *chuckles nervously***

**LexiconHuka:**  
**Mark: The thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion... I don't want to end up on the moon, though.**

**Wing Zero 032: *folds hands and puts them under my chin* I appreciate you voicing your opinion, but I'm not really going into the way the episodes order in the seasons. It's not how I do things. Though, if I ever do the Princess Twilight shit, that'll be one of the final chapters.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: It'll be something like that, but you'll see soon enough.**

**RenaTamer: I swear, you're onto something here! And I'll do that, I'll be able to write in something before blasting off onto the imminent side story.**

**buttershoes: Yep, they'll be shoving quotes at each other.**

**garebare65 (33): Good to hear that you loved the chapter!**

**garebare65 (34):**  
**Mark: Actually, my magical beating stick turns into a_ flammenwerfer_ (German), but I cannot fathom why. And I've tried getting any weapons that appear only in video games, but so far all I can get is the energy sword.**

**Author's Note: I couldn't help but do this. The second chapter for the Discord Arc will come in tomorrow. Give me your constructive criticism! Also, to not confuse you, this happens a little after the human mentioned in this story is clashed with the pony. I ain't telling you who they are until I intend to do so!**

**[?, Third Person POV, 1.5 years before Discord's return (Yay for specific time periods!)]**

It was big.

Very...very big.

Bigger than she ever dreamed it would be.

Staring at it now, seeing it up close… it was completely different from just fantasizing about it. She felt butterflies in her stomach as her nerves began to charge.

Not that she was going to back out now.

She had always wanted to try this, but her hesitation has always prevailed.

Her thoughts kept being pushed away by just how BIG it was.

Oh it was going to feel _great_ inside her.

She felt a tingle in her lower regions as she brought her mouth closer to it. When she was but a mere millimeter from the tip she paused, taking the time to breathe in his musky scent. She could tell from the way it was twitching that her breaths were tickling its soft flesh. Now that tingle became of torrent of pressure.

She couldn't wait another second.

In one quick swoop she took its whole length in her mouth, taking him by surprise.

She practically melted in ecstasy.

She moaned and began sucking vigorously, taking in the orgasmic, salty taste. Gently running her tongue along the entire length, she was briefly tempted to push the whole shaft as far down her throat as she could, but decided against it. Instead, she simply groaned in pleasure and began sucking gently, softly rubbing the salty flesh all the while.

Every time it twitched she couldn't help but shudder and moan. Picking up her pace, she brought her mouth up and massaged the tip gently before lowering back down. She repeated this a few more times, and the mass continued to twitch in her mouth.

Finally, she lost all pretense of rhythm and began bobbing up and down as fast as she could. She pushed it's enormous length down her throat and kept it there, gagging slightly before pulling it back out and repeating. The pressure inside her increased, spurring her on. Up and down she went going faster and faster, losing herself in the ecstasy of it all. With one final twitch, he—

"AARG!" screamed Duffy.

The sniper recoiled, pulling his appendage out of the pony and wiping it furiously on the cloud couch they were sitting on.

"Dammit Dash! I said you could lick it not try to eat it!" He lifted his spit-covered hand and showed it to the cyan pegasus. "Look at this, you slobbered all over it," he complained before trying to wipe the fluids off of his fingers onto his shirt.

Dash wasn't listening. She was splayed across the couch, basking in her afterglow. "Don't —huff—care. Best—huff—five seconds—huff—EVER!"

Duffy grimaced at the disheveled pegasus lying on the couch. The way she panted slightly disturbed him. Given what just happened, it was normal to feel disturbed.

_'I miss when my life was normal.'_ Duffy thought.


	36. Discord, Part 2

**Reviews:**

**blastburnman: I tend to do things that aren't expected.**

**LexiconHuka: Go home, Carlos.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Mine!**

**Gunsandgames:**  
**Duffy: How the fuck was I supposed to know that she'd try to eat my hand?!**

**dannymxyz:**  
**Duffy: Mind sharing?**

**RenaTamer: Salt everywhere!**

**iTsTealblast:**

**Duffy: Shut up...**

"Discord!" Celestia yelled out.

"Q!" I yelled at the same time,looking around wildly.

"The fuck you talking about?" Schmidt asked, getting a mild grin from me.

_'I'm so proud of him! He used his first English swear!'_ I thought, grinning.

"Q's a character from Star Trek, and has the _same_ exact voice as this Discord bloke." Blake explained, surprisingly enough.

"Show yourself!" I shouted when I couldn't locate him. All I got was laughter, but also felt something in my mind, forcing me to look at a certain window. It was the one that has Discord holding the three pony types on puppet strings. All of a sudden, my body suddenly went rigid and I looked at the group, unable to control my body or voice.

"Ooh! The fun I can make with this body!" Q, or Discord, said in my mind, causing me to mentally growl at him. He ignored me and started talking to Celestia, moving in front of a window. Something he said caused Dash to yell and rush us, but Discord seemed to grant my body the ability to teleport because we suddenly appeared next to Dawn, while Dash couldn't pull out in time and faceplant into the window. Somehow, the bloody thing didn't shatter.

After a few minutes of watching Discord (using my body and teleporting to whoever he was talking to. Didn't seem to say anything to the other humans, though.) and the others trading words, there was a single, sinister laugh in the back of my mind and I fell forward, only to be caught by Fluttershy, Dawn, and Applejack. I brought them down with me, but their attempt to keep me up kept me from hitting the ground hard.

"Ugh... The fuck just happened?" I groaned as a splitting headache came upon me with force. Dawn still had that fucking neutral face of his, blocking out some of the light.

"Discord took over your body, Mark." Dawn said, right as the changeling landed on my chest. She chirped while tilting her head to the side, clearly worried for me.

"I-I'm fine... Just got a bloody big headache." I weakly grinned, rubbing her head and glancing at AJ. She looked away with a slight scowl and a look of disgust.

"Are you sure that's all you're feeling?" Fluttershy quietly asked, helping me to my feet as I put the changeling on my head. She seemed to like the perch, and settled down with a content chirp.

"As of right now, yes." I replied, smiling a little.

_'And a little hurt that Applejack refuses to see the truth, even if it's staring her in the face. She's the Element of Honesty for fuck's sake!'_ I thought, and from my look at AJ, Fluttershy seemed to understand what went through my head.

"I'll go talk to her, Mark." Fluttershy whispered in my ear before flittering off, right as Twilight got done decoding a riddle or something.

"What in the name of unwashable and indestructable ass grease are you talking about, Twilight?" I asked, causing Gallan and Schmidt to snicker.

"Don't you remember telling me that riddle?" She asked, confused.

"All I remember is Discord taking over my body, voice, and everything except my thoughts. What the hell was the riddle?" I asked, folding my arms and raising an eyebrow.

"Discord said, 'Twists and turns are my master plan. And you will find the Elements, back where you began.'" Dawn recited, causing Twi to nod.

"Which means that the Elements are in the Castle Labyrinth!" She exclaimed, causing me to facepalm.

"You don't understand riddles, do you?" I sighed. "Riddles are designed to trick you into thinking of one thing when the answer is staring you in the face." I then turned to Dawn. "Where did the six of them first get together as a group?" I asked.

"The Golden Oaks Library in Ponyville." He answered.

"There's the answer. Think hard about the second half of the riddle." I deadpanned, looking back at the unicorn.

"I still think I'm right!" She stubbornly exclaimed, before the six of them were teleported outside by Celestia, who frowned at me.

"Ugh, I didn't have to deal with this shit in the Corps... Alright, Gallan. I need you and Duffy to go and help them." I said, and when they nodded, Dawn teleported them away. Looking out of one of the only non-stained windows, I saw them appear, while I was suddenly dragged out by something that wasn't a teleport.

"Son of a bitch!" I swore when I noticed that I, along with Schmidt, Doc, and Blake were on the ground, dazed as fuck.

"The hell you doing here?" Gallan asked, helping me to my feet.

"Don't know, man..." I muttered, helping Blake up as he was the closest. A yell was heard from above as Williams decided to, literally, drop in, because his parachute suddenly became as flyable as a brick.

"Look out!" He shouted, right before a trampoline popped out of nowhere and he 'comically' hit it before crashing into me, sending the changeling that was clinging to my head like I was a life preserver flying.

"Fucking dammit!" I growled, shoving him off of me and sitting up, as Doc looked him over and Dash flew upwards, probably going to get the Elements the lazy way.

It was pretty funny when her wings disappeared, as did Fluttershy's.

It was even funnier when Twilight and Marshmallow had their horns disappear at the same time.

We humans were kinda pissed when our weapons disappeared, but every one of us could kill with our bare hands and/or our teeth, if the need should arise.

"I swear to God..." I muttered, looking around as more insane laughter from Q sounded.

_'Discord or not, I'm gonna bug him by calling him 'Q' instead.'_ I thought, and suggested that the others do the same. The humans agreed, while the ponies ignored me and kept freaking out, save for Pinks and AJ, who didn't lose any limbs.

Suddenly, his Q-ness appeared, while lightning flashed behind him as he gave off an evil laughter. He ruined it by stabbing a lion finger down at us.

"You should see the look on your faces!" He exclaimed, before taking a moment to think. "Oh wait, you can!" And with that, several floating mirrors appeared in front of us. I chucked mine back at him with a scowl.

"Why are you doing this, Q?!" I asked. The girls looked at me like I was crazy, but Discord laughed and nudged my shoulder, causing me to want to sock him.

"Why am I doing this, Mark of the USMC? Simply because I can!" He exclaimed, teleporting away as I swung my fist at him.

"Stop dicking around, Q. Tell us what you're playing at." I growled, crossing my arms as I glared up at him.

"Oh, all right! I want to play a game, and here are the rules!" He said, popping next to Twilight.

"The first rule; no flying, magic, or firearms." He said.

"The FIRST rule?" Dash skeptically asked, causing him to zip behind her and onto a hedge.

"The second rule is that everypony has to play or the game is over." He said, before grinning. "And I win!"

"Bah!" I scoffed.

"Good luck, everypony!" He exclaimed, teleporting off.

"What's game plan?" Schmidt asked.

"Since Dipcord said every_pony_ has to play, we don't have to do dick. It's not violating the rules." Gallan said, checking his pockets. "Also, he said no firearms, so I take it that we have some sort of weapons on us. Check for your knives and shit."

"Still got my shakeweight." I said, pulling out my energy sword. They all had either bayonets or combat knives, with the exception of Blake, who had nothing.

"I knew I should've taken my fucking tomahawk when we left..." He groaned, pushing his palm into his face, which he had taken the mask off for the moment just to properly facepalm. The changeling chirped and poked me with her horn.

"Well, you can at least stab or bite something." I softly said, rubbing her head.

"You're not following the rules!" Q's voice called out tauntingly.

"Actually, we _don't_ have to play! We're not ponies, and a changeling is a completely different species!" I yelled back.

"Well, could you please play?" He asked.

"We'll see." I muttered, before looking at everyone that was there.

"We're going in, aren't we?" Gallan asked,lightly sliding his thumb over the blade of his knife.

"Everyone excep-" I started.

"Ohh! Let's have some unintentional chaos!" Q shouted suddenly, and there was a sudden bright light as a fucking _Blackhawk helicopter_ came hurtling straight at us.

"FUCKING SCATTER!" I shouted, grabbing the filly and getting the fuck out of there. Several seconds later, a loud ass thump sounded as the heli hit the ground, but from the sounds, it was still operational.

"Shit!" Schmidt groaned, several feet away.

"New plan! Williams, go after AJ for me. Schmidt, go after Twilight. Everyone else, after the pony you fuck! And don't look at me like that Gallan, I know you and Pinkie fuck each other when the Cakes are out." I shouted, sending a deadpan expression with the comment.

"What are you gonna be doing?" Schmidt asked, looking back from the entrance to the maze.

"Checking for survivors, then I'll meet up with you." I answered, looking towards the Blackhawk as the others went inside the maze. They had to go through a wall of hedge, but Q let them through.

The filly returned to my shoulder and gave me a look that pretty much said 'get the fuck over there'.

"Do you sense anybody in the crash?" I asked, starting to jog while pocketing my energy sword.

'One, in pain.' She replied in my mind, causing me to faulter for a second.

"You can speak in my mind?" I asked.

'Kinda. It's something changelings can do with someone they're close to.' She replied, shrugging.

"How old are you, anyway?" I asked, continuing my jog.

'I'm not a foal, if that's what you're asking. Changelings age differently than ponies.' She replied. 'I'm actually the same age of, Applebloom, I think.'

"Then how come you can't say anything other than chirps?" I asked, finding a flashlight on the ground near the Blackhawk. I didn't even question shit at this point, I just turned it on and used the fucker.

'I... Don't know, actually.' She admitted, hopping off of my shoulder and pointing into the cockpit, where a few sparks were actively flying around.

"Son of a bitch... Thing's flyable, but it'll need some fixing up." I muttered, wondering why in the fuck the sky was dark. I took a look outside and gave a certain pest the finger when I noticed him hovering about five hundred yards away, making it almost pitch black around the crash site.

"Ugh..." Someone groaned from the cockpit, causing me to point the beam of light in the general direction of him.

"Welp, found a survivor." I muttered, going around and popping open the small door next to the pilot's seat, catching him as he fell out.

"FUCK!" He screamed in pain, as blood trickled out of a gash on his elbow.

Scratch that, his artery was cut the fuck up by the bone sticking from where his elbow should be.

"Shit! Apple, look for anything remotely like a first aid kit!" I barked out, hesitantly dragging him out of the chair, trying my best to not fuck him up anymore than he was already.

'Did you just call me Apple?' She asked as she dug through the shit in the back, tossing spare magazines and sunglasses left and right. I think she even threw a fucking LAW out the far side, as I did my best to stabilize the pilot.

"Fucking hell, I'm not a fucking medic!" I growled, checking over for rips and shit.

"I feel cold..." He groaned.

"What's your name?" I asked, lightly slapping his face while removing his cracked helmet.

"D-Daniel Smith..." He coughed, sending a little blood from his mouth.

_'Something's punctured, too.'_ I grimly thought.

"Mine's Mark. Listen to me, alright?" I requested. When he nodded, I continued. "I need you to stay awake, no matter how painful it gets. Stay awake, and you'll live to fight another day." I said. "I don't like doing this, but I'm ordering you as a General, Private First Class Smith. Stay awake!"

"Y-Yes sir..." He groaned.

"How's that kit coming?!" I shouted, shining my flashlight at the pair of glowing blue eyes. A second later, she reappeared with something that made me grin.

'Here. I guess you adopted me, because I have no family. Might as well stick with you.' She said, placing it by my knees.

"Hell, I was a parent already. You shouldn't be too much compared to human children." I muttered, popping it open and grabbing rolls of gauze, not even fucking caring about sterilizing the wound at this point.

"And I win!" Q's voice echoed out suddenly, causing me to sigh.

"Fucking... Go get the one with the cross on his helmet and drag his ass here if it's necessary. I need him here two minutes ago." I sighed. Apple nodded and flew off, as I did my best to wrap his ass up and keep him from bleeding out.

"What was that?" Daniel asked, his eyes weakly trailing after the changeling as she flew towards the area where that bloody maze used to stand, now being little more than a foot deep crater.

"Just one of the locals. What's your blood type?" I asked.

"I-It's taped to my boot. It's getting hard to remember stuff, right now..." He stammered, causing me to look down at the closest boot.

"Alright, we're the same blood type." I said after seeing that he was O-. **(This is true, actually. Me and Mark have the same blood type, which happens to be the most useful.)**

"Why're you asking?" He asked, as I kept my eyes on Doc as he booked it towards our location, the other humans (and Twilight) right on his ass.

"Buddy, the only chance you have at this point is if I give you my blood." I replied, carefully wrapping my arms around his torso like I did to Doc about a year ago. "Now, try to relax, you have fucked up ribs." I grunted, lifted him up and dragged him to the other side as Doc slid to a stop next to me.


	37. We Got a Blackhawk Down

_Reviews:_

_spartan1735: Congrats on hitting review 200! You win absolutely nothing!_

_LexiconHuka: The fuck did you do?_

_Dragon'z Wrath: Thanks!_

_dannymxyz: I have a friend who's exactly like you, actually._

_RenaTamer: Actually..._

_Wilson: Thanks for the reviews! And where's my five bucks? :P_

_garebare65(ch35): Lolz._  
_(ch36): You never know._

After Doc more or less got Smith stabilized, I glanced around before frowning.

"Where the hell are the others?" I asked Twilight, who looked kinda pissed/depressed.

"Over there. They're... Different." She replied, nodding her head over at the group of five mares that were arguing with each other.

"Never thought I'd say this, but Fluttershy's a bitch now." Doc said.

"Rarity's a hoarder." Blake added.

"Dash ditched us for 'Cloudsdale'." Duffy inputed.

"Pinkie is snapping at anybody who laughs, even if it's not at her." Gallan sighed.

"And... Applejack has become a compulsive liar." Williams finished.

"Elements of Disharmony. Lying, Greed, Abandonment or some shit, Bitchy, and Fun police." I muttered, rubbing my hands over my face before looking at Twilight.

"Yes?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I need you to make a stretcher and help this man up to the castle for medical treatment." I requested.

"Why can't I just teleport him?" She asked, probably already preparing to do so.

"Because if you do, he'll go into shock, and that's not a good thing. He's already lost a lot of blood, and is going to need a transfusion if he's going to live." Doc explained. "Add broken bones and internal bleeding to the list, and you have a recipe for disaster." He added. Twilight frown but nodded, flaring her horn and a stretcher appeared out of nowhere. I helped Doc get Smith onto it, before turning to Schmidt and Gallan.

"Yes?" They both asked, snapping to attention.

"I want you two to take inventory on what's here. If you don't know what something is, ask Duffy. The rest of you, keep them," I said to the rest of them while pointing at the other elements, "here until Twilight teleports back. I'm gonna be stuck up in the castle until I get unfucked from losing a large amount of blood, so I'm putting Blake in charge." I finished, grabbing one end of the stretcher while Doc got the other.

"Lead the way, Ms. Sparkle." Doc said, while Apple flittered up onto my head and settled down. Twi blushed a little at Doc's formaity, but nodded and lead us off towards the castle.

"So..." Smith groaned, causing me to glance down at him. "The inhabitants are bloody talking horses..."

"We prefer to be called ponies." Twilight replied. "And Mark... I've been meaning to ask you something but I couldn't really seem to figure out how to." She then said, looking back at me.

"Shoot." I said, then realized that my gun (it was an MP5 at the moment) was strapped across my chest. "Not literally."

"I've seen you use your left hand when you're writing and using that gun of yours while everypony else is using their right hands. Why?" She asked.

"I'm left handed." I replied with a casual shrug. "Out of six billion people, only ten percent use their left hands or both to write and do certain tasks." There's no way I'm telling her I jerk off with my left hand, considering that I shake hands/hooves with my left hand.

Doc seemed to get what I didn't tell her, since he leaned over Smith.

"I'm never shaking your left hand again." He muttered, allowing only me and Smith to hear it.

"You're smart then." I quipped. Smith let out some pained laughter.

"What's so funny?" Twilight asked, looking back at us again.

"It's a human thing. I think." I replied, not entirely sure if ponies masturbated or not.

"How much further until we get to the infirmary, Twilight?" Doc asked.

"About five minutes, why?" She asked. I took a glance down at Smith and grit my teeth. Poor chap was not going to last five more minutes if we kept him on this stretcher.

"Because we need to be there seven minutes ago. Start jogging, dammit!" I said, already picking up my pace to a light run, forcing Doc to keep up with me.

"I don't get paid enough for this..." Doc groaned, panting a little.

"You don't get paid at all!" I shot back.

"I know, but I've never got to use that line before!" He chuckled. We burst through the front doors to find everyone that didn't teleport out (or in the case of Williams, drop in) raising their firearms at the four of us.

"Duran, take my place! Callum, take Doc's! Follow Twilight to the infirmary, and haul ass. This guy's got less than three minutes before he's chest deep without a paddle." I ordered without missing a beat. They quickly did what I ordered, allowing Doc to rest for a brief moment.

"The fuck's going on, sir?" Connor asked, sliding his gasmask up and looking down the corridor that the other group just went down.

"Long story short, Discord won, and the group of humans that were outside, including me, were almost flattened by a Blackhawk that he brought in." I said, nodding at Doc.

"The pilot'll live, but we need to get blood in him. What's his blood type?" He asked, looking at me.

"Anybody else have O- blood?" I asked. Huka rose his right hand, allowing his Famas to fall to his side. Funny thing, his Famas is kinda like mine, but just doesn't run out of ammunition. It'll overheat, and it can't change into different guns, but it's a good spray-n-pray weapon now.

"Huka, come with me and Thompson. The rest of you lot, get outside and try to get that Blackhawk back online." I said, before walking down the hallway after Duran, Callum, and Twilight.

"Feels oddly familiar..." I heard Callum's voice echo down the hallway.

"Probably because we've had to do the same with General Mark." Duran replied. I was about to yell at them when Schmidt yanked on my sleeve.

"What is it?" I asked, looking at him.

"Something in the helicopter requires your...expertise, sir." He explained, causing me to swear.

"Doc, go on ahead and drain Huka of his blood. I'll be there in a bit." I said, already walking off with the German.

"What exactly are we looking at?" I asked, getting into a light jog.

"Duffy said something along the lines of RPG, but I don't know exactly. English is still a little confusing." He replied, causing me to swear some more.

"Alright, go tell everybody that I want them to back off about thirty feet. I'll be there in a minute to get rid of it." I said, causing him to nod and run off.

_'Even Q brought a dead man to this place...'_ I thought with a frown. _'What's next, Twilight bringing in a fucking Destroyer?'_ Great, just jinxed myself.

**[In the castle]**

"Ah, Dawn! It's so wonderful to see you again! How about a big hug!" Discord said from my office chair, before propping his feet up on my desk. I simply stared at him.

"What's the matter?" He tauntingly asked, grinning like an asshat.

"Get out of my chair!" I finally shouted, throwing my DENIED stamp at him with my magic.

**[Back to Mark]**

I just felt a disturbance in the Star Trek quotes. Sighing, I continued on my run to the somewhat downed Blackhawk, really pissed off at the universe right now.

"If that thing blows, we're out of an air lift and transportation for the rest of us..." I muttered, not even caring about the military applications for the heli.

"It's over here!" Gallan shouted once he saw me, causing me to slow down in front of the cockpit.

"...I was half a fucking yard from that thing and I lived?! Jesus, my bad luck must've died down for a while." I sighed, lacing my fingers behind my head as I stared at an RPG embedded in the seat next to the one Smith was in. How it hasn't exploded, I couldn't really tell.

"What're we going to do with it?" Blake asked, looking around.

"Gimme your armor, I don't have time to haul my suit up to Canterlot by train. This thing will blow up soon, but I just don't know when." I replied, looking at him. He was about to protest, but could tell that I was dead serious.

With a sigh, he stripped down to his skivvies and a plain t-shirt, while I did the same. None of the others made a snicker, due to me being ripped by working my ass off on the farm recently, and he was ripped doing whatever the fuck he did while not helping/fucking Rarity. I quickly armor'd up in his suit, quite fucking glad we were literally the same build, and cracked my neck as I slid the mask on.

"Back the fuck up, this shit's dangerous without special training." I said as a HUD came online, amusing the fuck out of me.

_'Seems the Brits were secretly making advanced armor. Either that or the Multi-verse theory is true. I'd go with the first guess, just because I'm like that.'_ I thought.

"You're saying you have said special training?" Blake asked as I cracked my fingers and prepared to rip the fucker out.

"Nope." I said and went in through the pilot's door, being very fucking careful.

"Better not fuck my suit up..." I heard Blake mutter, confirming my suspictions that there was amplified shit in here.

I calmly took in the situation as I stared around the cockpit, frowning behind the mask.

"Jesus Christ..." I breathed, and decided to say fuck it and yank it, hopefully without making it blow up. Grabbing the end, I quickly ripped it out and threw it away from the helicopter, everybody behind me diving to the ground as it passed over their heads by about a foot. With a grim smile, the large grenade exploded against the hedge wall.

I stripped myself of Blake's armor and slid on my armored cammies, before nodding to them.

"What do we have?" I asked Gallan, who handed over a clipboard with a list of shit on it.

_'8 pairs of goggles_  
_80 feet of black rope x4_  
_4 M4A1_  
_2 M16E4_  
_1 LAW_  
_1 SAW_  
_10 M9_  
_2 MP5_  
_Roughly 1,000 rounds of ammunition, various __calibers_  
_3 rockets for LAW_  
_8 backpacks_  
_1 laptop w/solar charger, half dead_  
_5 paperback books; IT, The Zombie Survival Guide,The Book of Beer Pong, The Art of War, and How to Win on the Battlefield._  
_8 canteens_  
_10 NVG_  
_7 Dog tags; Pvt. Allan Blake, PFC Wade Suram, MSgt Blake Downing, Tech Sgt Perry Great, MSgt Royd Fullman, PFC Drake Gunnan, MSgt Duke Rollan.'_

"Sir! I found two dead bodies... And you _really_ need to see one of them." Connor said, hesitating a little bit. I nodded and he led me towards a small crater, where what I saw made my blood turn to ice water and caused me to sink to my knees in shock.

In the crater, was _my_ body.


	38. Mark, Meet Mark

**Reviews:**

**LexiconHuka:**  
**Duffy: She forces me at least once a week...**

**dannymxyz: 7 for six passengers and one pilot. The LAW was being used by one of the missing solderps.**

**Dragon'z Wrath: Will do.**

**XshadowwriterzX: I'ma puttin' dem out as fast as ah can!**

**RenaTamer:**  
**Mark: They better not...**

**Gunsandgames: Actually, you got the storm confused with my Junior year...**

**spartan1735:**  
**Mark: I think I had a brain fart when I saw the body.**

**anon: A fellow after my own profession!**

**garebare65: :P You'll be guessing wrong *cough*SPOILER*cough***

'He's not a changeling, just so you know.' Apple said to me as she walked up, before sitting down on her ass.

"I sorta figured... His... my blood isn't green." I replied, before going down into the crater and wondering how the fuck it appeared in the first place. I mean, they'd have to be way up high to make a two foot deep crater, and even then it wouldn't become circular. As I checked him for slight differences...

...he coughed, causing me to let out a shouted swear and land on my ass.

"Jesus H. Christ." He groaned. Before I could even begin telling Apple to try and make me look different, he opened his left eye (right looked swollen as fuck) and stared at me.

"Well... Just fucked up first contact with myself..." I muttered, causing him to chuckle.

"I'm guessing that the Multi-verse theory is true, then." He replied, straining to sit up. While I stared at him in shock, Apple helped him sit up by pushing her hooves at his back. He let out a small laugh when he saw her, confusing me more.

"What's so funny?" I asked, finally regaining my voice.

"Seems that my alternate has ended up in Equestria before I did." He replied.

"Wait, how the fuck do you know where we are?" I asked, already seeing red flags.

"Uh... I'm a Brony." He replied, raising an eyebrow.

"The fuck's a 'Brony'?" I asked, folding my arms.

"A person who likes the show My Little Pony." He replied.

"Never heard of it. What year is it for you?" I asked.

"It was 2012 when I left Earth." He replied, causing me to shake my head.

"Then I take it we never had a show called 'My Little Pony' in my version of Earth. When I first arrived, I didn't know diddy fuck about the place." I waved it off, blaming the Multi-verse.

"Hm..." He muttered, before looking at the body next to him.

"Know him?" I asked, following his eyes.

"Private First Class Leroy Jenkins. Hell of a soldier, and a good friend. Met him in middle school." He answered. I laughed a little before looking at the other person that was with him. Wonder how none of us saw her until now.

"Know her?" I asked, hoping to God it wasn't a dude with a girlish as fuck figure.

"Can't say that I do." He replied, lifting her face up. I also noticed a trunk next to her, making me wonder exactly what the fuck was going on. I popped it open and saw a DSR-50, a katana in its sheath, and an M9. There was six magazines for the sniper, and four for the M9.

"We'll be able to figure out what faction she's with when she wakes up, but I do know that she's a sniper." I said, helping Mark to his feet. Dear Lord that's gonna get confusing, so I'll just label him down as 'Mark 2' in this until he changes his name or something.

"Well, what the hell's going on now? It'll be good to figure out what I'm dealing with." Mark 2 asked, looking around. "We're in Canterlot, so that narrows it down..."

"Discord broke free. About two years ago, we formed a peace treaty with Queen Chrysalis." I explained.

"So much for chronological order in episodes..." He muttered, but I didn't comment. As he looked around, I noticed something different about him; he had a tattoo of Luna's cutie mark on his neck.

I ignored it completely, before looking around.

"Well, let's get you and Sleeping Beauty here out of the crater." I said, before wrapping my arms around her chest, grunted, and hauled her out. B-Cup, not like you ponies would figure out what I meant, so I feel no shame in writing this. And I'm not a pervert, I just instantly knew because my wife was a B-Cup. Also, shut up.

"Ugh..." She groaned, trying her best to move.

"Easy, you're injured." I calmly said, looking around before waving Gallan over.

"Sir." He said, saluting.

"Go take her to Doc, he's in the infirmary by now." I said, handing her off to him. I knew he was a man of chivalry and commitment, so I didn't have to worry about leaving him alone with her. Connor on the other hand might end up with her, but she'd probably go after Dawn. I'm betting half of my Spa salary on this.

**[Dawn's POV]**

I swear to Earth's various gods, I think somebody just made a bet about me.

**[Back to Mark]**

"We're gonna have to give you a new name, just so we won't be confused if someone calls for the other." I suddenly said, while checking the LAW extensively for damage.

"Hell, I'll go by Anonymous if it's alright." Mark 2 replied, and thus his name became Anonymous.

"You guys have 4chan?" I asked, cracking it open carefully and removing the loaded rocket.

"Yea, I frequent the /mlp/ and /k/ boards." He replied. Never saw /mlp/, but I figured it had to do with 'My Little Pony'.

"/b/ and /k/, mostly." I said in return. He cringed at the first board, but nodded anyway.

"To each his own. Even if it's your multi-verse self." He said, shrugging. "Hey, I just had a thought. Could we go to the castle in the Everfree?"

"There's a castle in that God forsaken place? Even if there is, we have to stay until we're able to fix the Elements of Harmony." I was confused, but shrugged. "After this shit, I'll take you."

"Alright." He said, nodding.

"You seem to know what's going on, so enlighten me a little." I said, folding my arms and looking at Anon.

"We'll need to head back to Ponyville, find Rainbow Dash, and use the Elements to stop Discord." He explained.

"Never told you their names. How do you know them?" I asked, frowning.

"The show was centered around the Element Bearers; Applejack as Honesty, Dash as Loyalty, Fluttershy as Kindness, Pinkie as Laughter, Rarity as Generosity, and Twilight as Magic." He said.

"Alright... Just don't tell them that they're a cartoon, even if you bring in the Multi-verse theory. Just don't." I finally said, shaking my head.

"Believe me, I won't." He chuckled, following me to the gay bath house known as the castle.

**[With Dawn and the Crew]**

"...How the fuck is there two of Mark?"

"Is one of 'em a changeling?"

"I'm getting too old for this horse shit..."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm in a fanfiction where the author is trying to get me killed..." I muttered, earning a laugh from Anon.

"I'm not a changeling!" Anon shouted.

"Then how come you look exactly like 'im?" Connor shouted back.

"Parallel worlds, or more known as the Multi-verse." He replied. "Everything's the same on my Earth, save for one or two things." He then turned to me. "What rank were you in the Army?"

"Marines, and Corporal." I muttered back.

"Take me for instance. Instead of joining up with the Marines, I joined the Army. And Mark here was a Corporal when he died, whilest I was a 1st Lieutenant." Anon explained. "Also, I'm betting you guys haven't heard of a show called My Little Pony." He added after making sure there were no ponies present.

Surprisingly, Callum and Duran rose their hands.

"There was a cartoon in the 80s called My Little Pony. My daughter made me watch a few episodes with her." Callum said.

"Well, I guess we're from the same universe..." Anon muttered.

"Anyway, he's not a changeling. Mine confirmed so." I said, holding up Apple, who waved.

"How would they know?" Schmidt asked. Honestly, it was a good question. I think only Anon, Duffy, and I had any real interactions with more than two changelings, so we knew.

"Instead of smelling scents and the like, they use hormones to identify each other, breathed in through the nostrils. Even when disguised, a changeling gives off these hormones." I explained, pretty much using Apple as my source of information.

"We're going back to Ponyville, so get your shebs moving!" Dawn shouted as he tore past, confusing everybody but me.

"The fuck does shebs mean?" Gallan asked as he checked his equipment.

"It's from a Star Wars language. It means asses." I chuckled, settling my MP5 against my left side, Apple on my head, and energy sword on my right side.


	39. Discord, Part 3

**Reviews:**

**Gunsandgames: Thanks!**

**R3v4nCh15t (38): Thanks!**  
**(37): Since I'm not military anon (yet), I might drop in a few requests.**  
**(36): It's a nod I made to the real Leeroy.**

**iTsTealblast: Just wait until you read the first chapter for the alternate.**

**LexiconHuka: I maaaaayyy be dropping Mando'a here and there.**

**garebare65: Yush, I am cereal.**

**Battle Damage: (if I translated what you said correctly, if not; my bad. I'm working with a document with all of the Mando'a words/phrases, made by the author of the SW:RC novels.) Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod?**

**spartan1735: Thanks!**

**Dragon'z Wrath: I'll poke my head in and read it sometime.**

**anon: We must have this drawn!**

**buttershoes: DON'T JINX IT!**

**RenaTamer: Mark 2(Anon) is going with someone I bet nobody is expecting.**

**fallvegas: Thanks!**

The ride back to Ponyville was discomforting. Mostly due to every single one of us staying away from the Elements (save for Twilight) and simultaneously ready to lay down our lives for them. Damn these ponies and their moods, they drive me to drink!

...Let it be known I was downing a little whiskey at the time of this mutter.

"Son of a bitch!" I suddenly swore, startling every human, changeling and Twilight.

'What is it?' Apple asked, flying up to my face with a concerned look.

"I just remembered I had a tattoo on my back. It's gone now, due to the scar tissue." I said, putting my face in my hands.

'What's a tattoo?' She asked, now looking more curious than concerned.

"It's kinda like what the ponies call a cutie mark, but vastly different. They don't appear randomly, they cost money to get them, they can be whatever you want them to be, and they hurt like fuck when you get one." I explained.

'Why do they hurt?' Apple asked. Twilight asked the same, a bloody notebook and quill already levitating in front of her.

"Because we don't have magnets like you ponies do. We need a needle that goes very fast to deposite a small amount of ink, which can vary in color, to get tattoos. The needle sinks into the skin and deposites a drop of ink, and repeats hundreds of times. Depending on how big and colorful a tattoo is, getting one can range from five minutes to hours." I explained. Twilight growled a little at the magnets comment, but looked more horrified at the thought of fucking up your body willingly.

'How long did your tattoo take to get?' Apple asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Roughly three hours, since I decided to go with two full quotes from the Bible." I replied.

"I thought you were Atheist?" Gallan asked, looking confused.

"I am. I just respected the messages enough to where I actually quite like them. It wasn't uncommon to see me read parts from the Bible, and go to church to listen to some sermons." I explained. Gallan shrugged and started talking, hesitantly mind you, to Schmidt.

Two thirds of the trip in, I remembered a question that I've been needing to know for a while, just to clarify some things. It came to me while I was fiddling with the filter on Connor's mask. He stayed behind to help Doc with his patients.

"How the hell did you all die? Those who already answered don't need to." I asked, leaning back a little as Apple slept in my lap. I was mainly asking the WWII soldiers and Anonymous, as they were the only new people in here that I didn't get an answer to that question.

"What do you mean?" Schmidt asked.

"Take Blake for example; he drowned in the ocean because his armor was too heavy. I was obliterated by an explosion. Doc took MG42 fire to the everything besides the head and heart." I explained.

"Soviet sniper got me, in Stalingrad. Left a hole the size of a fist in my left lung. Bled to death in the snow. The ironic thing was that it was a nice day for once; just enough snow and warm enough to not freeze." Schmidt with the news.

"How long were you at Stalingrad?" I asked.

"A few weeks. Had about a third of the city under Nazi control." Schmidt replied. "Do you know what happened in the end?"

"Yea. Stalingrad never completely fell, and the Germans were pushed back to the Fatherland. After the war was over, Germany was split into halves, East and West Germany." I answered.

"Well, I didn't quite die at the same time Doc did. I managed to get past the landing on Normandy." Over to Gallan with the traffic. "Made it into France before I kicked the bucket; one of 'em SS fellers got me. MP40 rounds through the head, so I didn't feel a thing."

And here's Anonymous with the weather. "Nothing special since I was in Afghanistan, really." He shrugged. "Fucking asshats IED'd my convoy while we were driving, I got caught in the blast."

"Fair enough. Technically, I died by IED too, but it was helped by a few pounds of C-4." I said, closing my eyes to rest a bit.

"...I miss my Xbox." Anon said right before I dozed off.

"HERESY!" I suddenly shouted at him. "Kneel before the PC master race!" I could hear Blake and Duffy facepalming from where I was, all the way from the other side of the train car.

"Dear God, they're replicating the Internet manually." Blake groaned.

"Internet?" Schmidt asked, beating Twilight to the punch.

"It's a collective of all human shit in one 'place'. All of our knowledge, games, and pretty much anything else can be found, if one looks deep enough. The PC is the primary way to get on it, although several video game consoles have 'upped' themselves to provide internet services. The Xbox, and another game system called Play Station are pretty much at war, figuratively speaking, when I died, while the PC sat on the sidelines giggling like an idiot."

"Why?" Gallan asked, also beating Twilight.

"You can download anything on a PC, pretty much. Including an Xbox, if you have the right setup." I replied, grinning. "It pretty much rendered the console war moot when they were compared."

I was starting to think that we'd be able to get to Ponyville without trouble when the train screeched to a stop, and it turns out the rest of the rails were turned into ice.

_'Fuck off, Q. We're doing something productive here.'_ I silently thought, before getting up and escorting the mares around us out. Halfway out of the train car, I pretty much started regretting borrowing Connor's mask, too. A fucking spider fell down as I looked up and latched over the right eye glass thing, causing me to swear and hit the ground in shock.

"Jesus Christ!" I yelped in a very manly way. Totally wasn't like a little girl, no sir!

"Need some help?" Blake asked, offering me his hand. I took it and stood up, before promptly falling on my ass again, but slid forward a few yards.

"Fucking Discord! Stop turning the roads into soap!" I yelled, trying to regain my balance.

"Ah don't see any problem with the road." AJ lied as she carefully trotted past me, earning a glare to the back of her stetson.

"Can't believe I'm saying this, but bloody bitch..." I muttered, finally getting to my feet only to be tripped by Fluttershy, landing facefirst. The one good thing that happened was the spider becoming airborne, and landing on Schmidt. And out of nowhere came a herd of long-ass-legged rabbits, trampling over Twilight in a completely hilarious fashion. (She happened to be on solid ground, fucking lucky.)

"Good boy Angel! Momma's so proud!" Flutterbitch praised as I grumbled onto my feet, with the aid of Gallan.

"I'm gonna have to wash all this soap out before I can wash the soap out..." I groaned, nodding in thanks.

And then the moon came up, even though it was 2 PM.

"Jesus Christ..." I muttered. While we couldn't see anything, AJ scored a strike with the ponies (along with Blake and Duffy), before coming to a stop next to Twilight.

"Ah meant to do that." She muttered, right as we got blinded by the sudden appearance of the sun.

_'Discord just confirmed that Sunbutt doesn't move the sun. The moon is completely different.'_ I thought, blinking away the blindness to discover the rest of the road had become soap, and a certain dipshit went skating past.

"Open fire on Discord!" I yelled, drawing my MP5 and letting loose, being certain to not hit the ponies (or animals, Fluttershy would kill me later). Whoever had quick access to their guns did the same, forcing Discord to teleport away.

"What was that for?!" Twilight yelled, wobbling on the soap road.

"To let him know we're out for his blood." I growled, skating past her. We made it to the library (Thankfully the dirt came back after we hit the town. Literally, in Duffy's case.) without too much trouble. Except Rarity wouldn't leave her fucking boulder, leaving me to wonder how the hell she got it here in the first place.

Rarity starting blathering on about Spike going to take 'Tom' when she went inside.

"Well... Spike is Twilight's minion..." I muttered, before tapping her side with my M60, getting her to glare up at me.

"What is it?" She grumbled, keeping herself between me and the boulder.

"Just bloody levitate the damn thing, if you want it so badly. You have fucking magic, so use it!" I said, before nudging Twilight inside. Seconds later, the door became obsolete as Rarity disintegrated it with her boulder.

"Twilight, what's going on?! Why's everypony look so... grey?" A soaked Spike asked, moving his claws at the group of four mares that were grey as fuck now.

"It's happening faster and faster." I muttered, rubbing my lens clean of soap and everything else.

**Author's Note: Last part is the next chapter! I promise this to ya'll!**


	40. Discord, Part 4

**Reviews:**

**iTsTealblast: Well, for the Discord arc. 40 chapters in and I'm just barely getting started!**

**DOVAHKIIN1911: Aim to please, my good lad!**

**anon: Maybe~**

**alptraumfeagan: Oh I will!**

**Dragon'z Wrath: What can I say? I'm the embodiment of /mlp/ sometimes. And no, I don't. Mark put a .50 round through it over in the sandbox.**

**LexiconHuka: With a sunburn on your balls!**

**buttershoes: Mentioned her once (when Thompson came in). Need to do that again, actually...**

**Battle Damage: it would be good for me if you decided to me'dinuir Mando'a.**

**RenaTamer: Anon ain't going with Cheeselegs! It's somebody else.**

"Alright, this shit ends now." I said, shooting the graying Element of Harmony bearers, aside from Dash, with a shotgun. The effect was instantaneous; all four of them dropped, clutching various body parts in pain as rubber pellets gently bounced off. They were playing keep away with Twilight, the item they were throwing was the book about the Elements of Harmony.

Fat load of fucks it's doing right now.

"Start reading the damn thing before they get back up!" I barked at Twilight, crouching next to her at the same time as Spike, who wielded a rolled up scroll. The others trained their weapons on the grey ponies to keep them immobile, but I knew that none of them would deliberately shoot them, even if I ordered them to. Knock them the fuck out, yes, but not kill.

_"Mark, can you hear me?"_ Dawn's voice cracked out over the radio Schmidt still wore for some reason.

"Loud and clear." I replied as Twilight found the fucking jewelry exactly where I knew it would be.

_"Took a look at the Black Hawk and fixed it. Smith's fully healed, and..."_ He was cut off by some muttering in Russian, to which he replied in kind. _"Anyway, the woman's name is Jane Shepard. She's...er... Infatuated with me, and even though I'm not human, I kinda feel the same."_ He got really hesitant at the end.

"Good for you, but we just found the Elements. Does she know how to fly a helicopter?" I asked, watching as Twilight forced everything onto their respective bearers.

_"That's a negative. Really good at sniping and using that katana of her's, though."_ He replied, causing me to sigh and hang up.

"C'mon everypony, let's go!" Twilight growled, stalking out the door with Spike following. Soon enough, he got plastered with Dash's necklace. Duffy stopped and looked him dead in the eye, causing him to sweat a little.

"We're through, Rainbow Dash." He said with a completely straight face, before about-facing and grinning at me.

_'Mien Gott, I've almost never seen him grin before.'_ I thought with a chuckle, shaking my head. I wasn't paying attention to anything, which probably justifies getting 'Tom' on my foot, which, by the way, hurts like all fucking hell.

"Son of a bitch!" I growled, doing my best to drag my crushed foot out from underneath the boulder. Twilight looked horrified, due to tossing it out of one of the windows. Gallan held onto my leg while the others started pushing it, and no thanks to the fucked up Elements watching behind us. As I was freed, a flash of light appeared and for once in my life, somebody didn't slam into me. Instead, Schmidt was tackled to the ground and I fucking saw a combat knife appear out of nowhere.

"STOP!" I shouted, aiming my M1911 (sidearm edition) at him, as the safeties of several weapons were flicked off at the same time. The first actual thought that ran through my head pretty much summed up what I noticed about the new guy.

_'Not another fucking sniper... Nice fiddy, though.'_ I thought, before groaning at the pain of my crushed foot. For some reason, he withdrew off of Schmidt and supported my weight, surprising all of us.

"I'm going to go get him to a hospital... Finish whatever you all were doing before this." He said, while I nodded in confirmation, causing them to back off as I limped my raggedy ass out of there supported by this sniper.

"So, what's your name, rank, and military branch?" I asked as I half led him towards the hospital, hoping to Dawn (closest thing that I'll hope to that's a god) that Discord hasn't fucked with it yet.

"First Lieutenant Bill Murray of the US Navy SEALs." He replied, and I instantly held high fucking respect for him. SEALs training is tough shit. Really tough shit. Like, multiple brick-shitting tough.

"General Mark Durnkinscoff of the USMC and more recently the EM. Used to be an EOD specialist before popping here." I replied.

"What's the situation, sir?" Bill asked, looking around as several ponies looked out of their windows in fear, but it wasn't directed at us.

"Select humans who died have appeared here for reasons unknown. I just happened to be the first, and one of the rulers hates us, one is smitten with a paratrooper, and a third recently hooked up with what I think was either Spetznas, or Canadian Special Forces." I said. "You're... fuck, I think the tenth or so? Alive, anyway. Had a few Rangers appear in a Humvee, and only two arrived without bullet holes covering their bodies."

"What do you mean by that?" He questioned, and I figured out why he kept asking me these questions; to keep my mind from drifting to the pain in my mangled ass foot.

"The person, or rather pony, who brought them here couldn't figure out why, but guessed that there were some bullets going into them just when they disappeared, so when they came here, the bullets finished their travel and stopped in their torsos." I explained. "Our medic, who's in the capital treating a Blackhawk pilot, arrived with bullets fired out of an MG42, and bleeding out."

"An MG42 is a WWII machine gun, isn't it?" Bill asked.

"Yep. We're spanning across several generations of soldiers. Oldest one out of all of us is Gallan, Schmidt, Thompson, or Williams. They came in from WWII. From what I can guess, Thompson or Schmidt take the cake of being the first technical casualty out of all of us."

"When did they die?" He asked as we arrived at the (thankfully) intact hospital, pushing open the doors.

"Schmidt was at Stalingrad for a few months, while Thompson died during D-Day." I replied, waving Nurse Redheart over. Between her and Bill, I had no problems getting to a room to get my foot unfucked.

**[Duran's POV]**

"Alright, since nobody else stood up for it, I'll assume command until Mark gets back." I declared, cocking my M16.

"And what makes you so sure I'd allow that, Master Sergeant?" Blake asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If you want to take the reins on this, fine by me." I replied, looking around.

"Just wondering." Blake said. "You're not with an Element, so it'll be easier for you to effectively lead us. I'm allowing this until I deem it necessary to take control."

"Yes, SIR!" I said with a salute, followed by his British one. Always got on my nerves, but I kept my retort down and looked around at the rest of us.

"Alright, fan out and find Discord so we can fuck him up with the Elements." I said to everyone. They all spread out except for Duffy, who tapped my shoulder from behind me.

"We need Dash for them to work." He said, probably scanning the skies. I know I was.

"I know. Let Twi think this'll work until it backfires in her face, unless we can find Dash first. Be good if we had air support, but the only thing remotely helpful is in Canterlot at the moment." I sighed.

_"This is Viper 1, heard you boys needed some help."_ A voice that I barely recognized came over Schmidt's radio, causing me to scramble to reply.

"Williams? Is that you?!" I asked.

_"The one and only. Duran, right? Where's Mark?"_ Williams replied.

"Right behind him." Mark said, carefully taking the radio from me. "How the fuck are you able to fly that thing?"

_"Dawn went risky and decided to copy everything about this bird from Smith's mind and put it in mine, seeing as how we all knew that Dash betrayed her Element."_ Williams replied as Mark handed me his shotgun, still using rubber pellets.

"Alright. Get Duran and Callum in the sky and see if you can't find Dash and bring her in. Duran's gonna have to shoot her to bring her down, so be sure you can get her." Mark advised.

"That won't be a problem, sir!" Williams shouted from behind us, scaring the crap out of us. We turned around to see him smirking from a completely silent helicopter.

"Jesus Christ..." I muttered as I waved Callum on board, sitting on the edge myself.

"You have one shot, so make it count." Mark said before we lifted off.

"How the hell did'ja get this thing silent?" Callum asked as we scanned the clouds for a rainbow maned pegasus.

"Dawn did, actually." Williams replied. "Made the rotors and engine silent and fuel independent. Never has to refuel and is completely good for the environment."

"Is that her?" I asked, pointing at a cyan pegasus napping on a cloud.

"Yea. Go in slowly and if we do this right, we won't have to shoot her." Callum whispered, and Williams edged the Blackhawk as close to Dash as he could. Naturally, that ended up with her small ass cloud in between us, and we had about a hundred feet of rappelling rope to tie her up with.

**[Mark's POV]**

"Now we have to wait for Rainbow Dash..." Twilight muttered as she preformed a memory magnets trick on Fluttershy, who instantly made sure my foot was a hundred and ten percent better once her coat returned to its normal color.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for what I did to you!" She cried out, whimpering. "Please don't hate me..."

I simply smiled and ran my hand through her hair while looking at Applejack. She looked back and smiled, before noticing my pocket changeling (not really surprised Apple could do this) and scowled, looking away.

"You guys need to talk to Applejack about her hatred towards changelings, but do it later." I muttered to Fluttershy, who meekly nodded.

"Where are they?" Pinks asked, hopping around. As if on cue (with Pinkie Pie, it's a very real possibility), the Blackhawk arrived and landed with dust swirling around, blinding everyone except me.

"Help me with her, dammit! She's struggling too much!" Duran shouted, causing me to run forward.

"Fucking shoot her then!" I yelled back.

"Sorry, Duffy." Callum called out before the blast of a shotgun sounded, followed by a yelp of pain.

"Fucker! You completely missed!" Duran yelled at Callum as I dragged Rainbow's grey ass out of there and dropped her in front of Twilight. She flopped like a fish while yelling at all of us to let her go.

"Nice hog tying skills, you two." I commented as Twilight did her thing, before bending down and releasing her with a careful slash of my energy sword.

"Now, to find Discord and stop him once and for all!" Twilight yelled after a brief group hug. We nodded, and looked around.

"...So, where is he?" Fluttershy finally asked. An explosion that sounded oddly similar to a hand grenade sounded, and Anon sighed.

"Follow the exploding chocolate milk." He said. "He's on his throne. C'mon, I know where it is." He walked off, and we followed because we had no other ideas.

We found Discord sipping the glass off of a glass of chocolate milk, before letting out a content sigh and tossing what looked like frozen chocolate milk behind him. Knew what that explosion was, now.

"Oh, you managed to get the Elements back!" Discord said, and a twin bullet report followed by a little of his arm rest and half of the back of his throne flying away told all of us that Duffy and Murray had just fired warning shots. We all proceeded to train our guns on him, ready to turn his ass into grass should he try anything.

"Get the fucker before his ass becomes grass, Twilight." I called out, keeping out of the way of their Rainbow of Awesome. As soon as they got into position, they all glowed and the tidal wave of shitstorm sped towards Discord.

"One last trick!" He cackled as he started turning to stone before snapping his fingers, causing somebody to bowl over Callum and Duran. There was a few yelps of pain as somebody in fucking plate armor skidded to a stop. There was a sword, mace, crossbow, and a shield lying around him, and his helmet was still on, surprisingly.

"Discord's final act..." I muttered, checking the pulse on the knight to make sure he's still alive.

"...was bringing an actual knight to Equestria." With that, I walked off to move my shit into Fluttershy's house because of AJ.

**[Three Days Later]**

Fucking. Celestia.

Not only did she originally intend to leave us out of her fucking stain glass window thing, she also (unintentionally) got on my nerves about the cerimony that was held. We were all standing around in our dress uniforms (armor for the knight, Shelton Talbot, and regular fancy ass suit for Sergio) when the music started playing, indicating that the Element Bearers enter.

The bloody thing was held exactly like the ceremony at the end of _A New Hope_. A Star Wars ceremony for a fucking Star Trek villain. Nerds, eat your hearts out.

Also, gotta give Dawn and Luna some credit for being smug bastards. When the curtains were drawn away, they managed to sneak all of the participating humans into it. The ones who were fucking/with/living with were pared off with each respective Element, and Schmidt was put next to Twilight.

Also gotta give the Nazi some serious props; right in front of not only her mentor, but the entire fucking press, he knelt down and kissed the fuck out of Twilight. What really made it worth keeping in my laughter was that she kissed right back without hesitation. God, the look on Sunbutt's face was worth staying up all last night filling out stacks of paperwork.

While I finish writing this, I'm about to re threaten a certain white rodent, er, rabbit with Doc's surgical knife collection.


	41. We Got Another Bird Down

**Reviews:**

**garebare65:**  
**Mark: I wish my weapons would do that, but they only work with actual weapons! And, as a Dr. Who fan, it was something I did as soon as I found out I could get an energy sword.**

**fallvegas (ch14): lols!**  
**(ch17): I'll take your complaint and file it away for future purposes.**  
**(ch29): Had to dot the ones I have to remember them!**

**LexiconHuka: Cheese grater?**

**Battle Damage: Didn't come up as Russian in Google Translate.**

**Gunsandgames: Just picture it in yo head!**

**Dragon'z Wrath: He'll become a Celestial Knight, much to Sunbutt's displeasure.**

**RenaTamer: Apple's staying with Mark. AJ has some prejudice bullshit against changelings.**

**whovian803: It may start.**

**R3v4nCh15t: I know :P**

**anon: Send it to me and I'll draw it out!**

**stevemcgarret: thanks for the OC and I won't be able to. Also, pick somepony else besides the Main 6, Lyra, Chrysalis, Luna, Celestia, Vinyl, Octavia, Big Mac, Dawn, and Sweetie Belle.**

**Author's Note: A big thanks to RenaTamer for giving me a three part summary of what happened to this OC that is being introduced in this chapter! I'm pretty much using what s/he (I can never really tell by a username alone. I always need a voice or face to go with it) gave me, but with a few modifications. Thankfully, Tamer already said I could use what I wanted, so I can't get sued for this!**

I woke about two days after temporarily moving into Fluttershy's cottage to something big crashing into the forest about thirty yards away from the farm. Doc was the second one that woke up, yelling something about AA guns. Apple got downstairs when I was almost out the door. Connor decided to stay here until Fluttershy left, and I agreed to it.

'Can I come?' She asked. I grabbed my backpack, pulled out a flashbang (built by Sergio, thanks to my teachings) and a frag grenade, and put them onto my vest.

"It'll be appreciated. I know Doc's going to be there, probably after making sure Fluttershy's heart didn't explode. From how loud that bastard was, everyone in Ponyville, and quite possibly in Canterlot, woke up." I said, cocking my assault rifle (Stg-44, a German WWII weapon) and running outside with Apple in tow.

We were one of the first ones on the scene, and what I saw made me stop cold.

"It's a fucking C-5 Galaxy..." I muttered, running my hands through my recently shaved hair, before inspecting the hull for damages.

"Son of a bitch. That thing nearly wiped out Celestia's tower on the way down..." Dawn said, trotting over to me after teleporting.

"How close did it get?" I asked, going around to the far side, where a certain Sunbutt and Moonbutt were. I waved to Williams, who waved back. I told him to go help the guards secure the perimeter, and he did so.

"From what two guards who were returning to their posts reported, it missed by a yard at most. The entire castle shook, though." Dawn replied.

"Did it hit anything else?" I asked, and noticed someone fall out of a door that was about four feet above the ground.

"The courthouse in town is missing a spire, and some of the ponies are being treated with minor lacerations and concussions from the falling debris." Dawn replied, confusing me a little.

"We have a courthouse? How in the fuck haven't I noticed?" I asked, pointing Doc at the fallen pilot/passenger. He nodded and ran over, while Sunbutt started arguing with Luna.

"NO!" She shouted. "I've had it up to my horn with this whole mess!"

"But 'Tia…" Luna tried to argue, but was cut off.

"Luna, you are my sister and I love you dearly," Celetia's voice softened for just a moment before regaining its edge. "But you and Dawn have gone too far this time, a human here or there, I can tolerate…" Tolerate my ass, she hates our guts. The guy gradually rolled over in time to see us making our way towards him. He most likely only saw blurs at the moment, though. "But this …thing… it nearly crashed into Canterlot and almost flattened Ponyville! Well no more!"

"You going to listen to her if she says to stop bringing humans?" I asked, looking at the Alicorn stallion.

"Not a chance in hell. She can't order me around, since I'm the only hope of keeping the Alicorn race alive." He replied. Looking back at Sunbutt, I noticed that she was glaring at what appeared to be a Master Sergeant from where I was, while Doc was examining his head.

"And you, were you the one flying this thing?" she demanded, ignoring the blood that dripped down his face. Doc sighed to himself and looked through his bag for some shit. The guy indicated that she move closer to hear something, until her face was next to his. Whatever he said made her stand up straight, stiff as a board. I also heard a whip crack somewhere, making me look around in confusion.

"Well?" I asked of Doc, once he looked up from his shit.

"The cut over his eye is nothing serious," Doc gave a relieved sigh. "As for the large knot on his forehead, it's probably given him a mild concussion… a couple days of bed rest and he should be fine." He then moved next up and got close to me.

"I may not be the best medic out there, but I'm pretty sure he's also suffering from near suffocation. I can't tell without proper medical equipment, and the hospital in town doesn't have what I need." He muttered.

"Can he be moved?" Celestia suddenly asked, surprising us.

"Sure." Doc nodded as he glanced at her.

Without another word, Celestia and the prone man disappeared in a flash of light, leaving behind a lot of confused beings, including her personal guard, who just finished securing the crash site. And there were a bunch of onlookers, causing me to grin and shake my head.

'Just like if a spaceship crashed somewhere fairly populated...' I thought, before looking inside the Galaxy with Schmidt and Doc.

"...That's a lot of stuff..." Doc muttered, as I looked for a cargo manifest to see exactly what kind of stuff we had.

"Here we go..." I muttered, looking down at a clipboard once I found it. I found a pencil and scribbled down some comments, and snorted when I read one of the things on the list.

_'01: M998 Cargo/Troop HMMWV (Humvee)._ (Have to draw straws to see who drives this.)  
_01: 16 RG-33L 6x6 Heavy Armored Ground Ambulance. MRAP._ (Hands down, this is Doc's new ride.)  
_01: 4x4 Cougar JERRV (Joint EOD rapid response vehicle) MRAP._ (Mine, motherfuckers.)  
_16: Pallets assorted MRE. 8 fore, 8 aft_ (Roughly 32 tons of government issued fake food.)  
_2 pallets reserved for General Rilian's birthday surprise._ (Sorry General, but you ain't getting shit for your birthday.)  
_01: inflatable outdoor movie screen and speakers._  
_01: pallet, assorted dvds._  
_01: pallet, cigarettes_ (There is a God. He hath given us a small mercy.)

_Pallet space used_  
_6x6=6_  
_4x4=4_  
_Hum=4_  
_MREs=16_  
_Misc=3'_

I did a double take on the last three before laughing.

"What is it?" Duffy asked, popping his head in with Dash, both of whom whistled when they saw what was in there.

"Crack open the box that says DVDs. We have a way to watch them, too." I said, a little giddy at the prospect of being able to watch shit again. Duffy probably thought something alongside me, as he ripped it open with gusto.

"What're DVDs?" Doc asked, looking over the MRAP that was somehow still secured in place.

"Movies that last about a hundred years if you keep them from scratching up. What do we have in there, Brandon?" I asked.

"About a third of it is porn..." He muttered, throwing a random case at me. A quick glance confirmed it to be porn, and I slipped it in a cargo pocket for private viewing. Something about asses was in the title.

"Sort the DVDs into three piles. I want one to be porn, one for R, and the third into everything else." I said.

"What's porn?" Dash asked, sticking her face in next to Duffy. Half a second later, she withdrew, blushing hard and struggling to keep her wings down.

"What type of bird is this?" Gallan asked, stepping inside with a nervous Fluttershy. This comment got her attention instantly, causing her to look around in wonder.

"This is a bird?" Dash asked, probably talking to keep her mind off of porn.

"It's what the US military calls for anything we build that can fly. It's actually a Lockheed C-5B Galaxy. Built after your time, Gallan. I also have a job for you." I said, looking at the clipboard again.

"Yes?" He asked, looking through the DVDs with Duffy before looking back up.

"See if you can salvage any MREs. You do that, and we can have a little... _variety_ in our diet again." I said, switching out the word meat for something to not spook Fluttershy just yet. Gallan seemed to get at what I meant, as he nodded and rushed off to find the correct boxes.

About two hours later, we found out that we had a working plane (with the right repairs, mainly PFM), a working DVD player/TV, and about a year of preserved meat. Add about two tons of cancer sticks, and we were a very happy lot.

"What are we gonna do with the vegetarian MREs? I know I'm not gonna eat them." Gallan asked as pretty much every human sat around the inside of the C-5B, eating at various MREs that had meat with extreme gusto.

"Hell, you can sell them at Sugarcube Corner. Give the ponies some fake food." I suggested, causing him to nod. At the same time of us eating, Apple was gently draining me of the feelings I had for my MRE. I was also sucking away on a stick of cancer, and gave so many negative fucks that I was drawing in the others' fucks as well.

Big Mac came in and ate one of the veggie bullshits for us, and actually liked the damn things.

"There we go! Big Mac confirmed that the veggie crap is delicious to ponies." I said, getting a few laughs. Mac didn't even know what the fuck was going on, really, but got me to talk to him outside after our dinner. He pretty much asked me about 'mares' and how to get one.

"Complement them and treat 'em like gold." I said, before facepalming. Gold was fucking used as armor here. "Scratch the gold thing. Treat 'em like your most prized possession." Turns out that it was a Smarty Pants doll, but I didn't know that until a certain someone dropped in, quite literally, a while into the future.

**[One week later]**

"So, what's our mystery person up to? Did Sunbutt execute him for almost clipping her while she was asleep?" I asked Dawn as he and Twilight moved the Galaxy out of the forest. Shit, Twilight was actually doing most of the work.

"From what he told me later, his name is Junior Flight Mechanic: Master Sergeant Max Rex with the call sign 'T-Rex'. The C-5, dubbed 'Hannah', appeared here while in mid flight. She originally had four others on board before the time of arrival, but they disappeared for some odd reason. The missing crew is Flight Captain: Lieutenant Ronald Jennings, 'Cap'n Ron', Flight Lieutenant and co-pilot: Judy Higgins, 'Dorothy', Payload Master: Chief Master Sergeant Kale Summers, 'Q-Ball', Junior Payload Master #1: Senior Master Sergeant Jesse Goldstein, 'Rabbit', and Flight Mechanic: Chief Master Sergeant Hugo Duncan, 'Torque'." Dawn explained, handing me a few sheets of paper to look over.

"Think we should send out a few rescue parties in a forty mile radius around the area where he appeared?" I asked once I finished reading, displaying a huge ass frown on my face.

"The plane appeared too far up to survive the fall, unless they had parachutes strapped on at the time of appearing." Dawn said with a shake of his head, frowning.

"That bad?" I asked, and he nodded slowly. "Alright... Did he say where they took off from?"

"Hickam Air Force Base. They were due in Saudi Arabia with 'special' cargo in a few days. Eight day trip from the first base to Saudi Arabia." Dawn replied, causing me to grimace.

"Went to Honolulu and they didn't even have time to visit the beaches..." I muttered. After a moment, we heard a loud thump and turned to see Twilight panting next to a perfectly placed C-5B Galaxy.

"It's... Done..." Twilight panted, before sitting back on her ass and accepted the canteen I threw to her.

"I have something else to tell you." Dawn said, grabbing my attention again.

"Go ahead." I replied, crossing my arms.

"From what I've been able to gather, Celestia let Max rest for a few days before going to see him in his room after I got this information from him. While in the middle of some kind of hour long rant wherein she got a lot of built up anger and emotional baggage off her chest… He somehow removed all her royal garments and managed to get her into the shower in the private bathroom attached to his room, all before she knew what was happening. After giving her a complete and total wash-down, he dried her off and brushed out her mane and tail… before she jumped him." He said, surprising me with the last few sentences.

"Wait, Sunbutt and Rex?" I asked, hoping that he would clarify.

"Yeah, seems that Max grew up on a horse farm in Kentucky and really knows how to treat a not-so-namby-pamby pony princess… and it seems you're not the only one to call her Sunbutt. It's become his pet name for her." He confirmed.

"Well I'll be…" I muttered, rubbing my chin and made a mental note to get my ass to Fluttershy's and unfuck my face before a salty Major General pops out of a bush and tells me to do it. Given how Dawn enjoys annoying the fuck out of me, it's entirely possible.

"Anyhow, he sent you a massage; you can keep the plane and, I quote, 'I quit.' He is willing to be a mechanic for you if you need one, but he wants to stay in Canterlot with Celestia."

"Hey, if it keeps her happy and out of my hair, he can stay there, and as for the C-5… I guess I should thank you, we really needed the extra supplies. And the plane was a bonus, since it can still run once we fixed it."

'I'll see if I can get Smith or Rex to teach Sergio on how to properly fly this bastard. Lord knows the kid could do something other than making flashbangs in his spare time. One goes off and he loses his face.' I thought, before giving Dawn my attention back.

"And that brings up the other reason I'm here," Dusk flinched slightly. "Mark, I do not have the power to transport something the size of a C-5 Galaxy to , the Humvee nearly made me pass out when it appeared. I was somewhat sick at the time, but that's beside the point. And we can rule out Luna bringing it because it appeared before the clocks struck midnight."

"So who could have?" I asked.

"There are only two ponies who have the ability to drag something of that size here at the given time. Twilight Sparkle after fucking up majorly, and Celestia." He said. "From how Twi is after dragging that thing for a few minutes, I'm probably guessing that she didn't." He added, looking at the unicorn, who was lying down and just finished trying to drown herself with my water.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What I'm saying is that Celestia has been slightly jealous that her sister has found happiness in the arms of a human and has been wanting someone of her own… I think that while she slept that night, her subconscious decided to act."

"Well, I'm accepting his resignation for the most part, but you know that the Gryphons will be trying something, and I need every man available to help me fight. I'll be putting him as maintenance crew, but let him know." I said.

"First chance I get when I'm back in Canterlot." He replied, and caused me to have a slight thought.

"Jealousy will lead someone on the path to the Dark Side. Remember that." I warned, before returning to the ship via back cargo door to recheck the circuits and shit.

"That's how Luna got her ass banished!" Dawn yelled at me.

**Author's Note: Next chapter will be an asshat move by your's truly Mark, Dawn, Anonymous, and Thompson are going somewhere, and at the same time, I'm posting the first chapter to Marine in Equestria: Divided Path. That'll start the Hiatus that this story is receiving.**


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